Construction progress: Duplex with WU basement and developed attic

Privileged? I don't know. I wouldn't call it that. More like a pronounced fanatic for justice. Unfortunately, money can only be spent once, so it has to be saved elsewhere.

Well, yes... I would call it that. Of course, I don't know how you and your children have arranged everything financially, but it sounds like you have gifted houses to your children. You also take care of everything; you hear little from the children about how they contribute. One son doesn't even move in anymore, and it seems relatively indifferent whether one half of the house stands empty. On top of that, extra costs for lawyers. As I said... most builders would have been completely ruined by something like that, so you are indeed in a privileged position.

Therefore, use your situation to find peace again yourself:

Honestly, I can't even imagine what it will be like when all of this is finished and over. Sure, I have other hobbies, but this task here is already time-consuming every day.

The houses stand. You, your husband, four adult children plus spouses... I see no reason why you couldn't take a step back and let the other family members take a little more responsibility. Do it for yourself and your health; you have earned it now that the houses are built.

Privileged? I don't know. I wouldn’t call it that. More like an intense justice fanatic. Unfortunately, money can only be spent once, so it has to be saved elsewhere.

Money is one thing. You are still paying a far too high price for your fanatical sense of justice. Namely, your health.
I would accept the decision of the Attorney General; you will gain more from that than if you bang your head against the wall. Use the time and money for yourself and your family instead. The house is finished, everything is fine.

I believe this is a very difficult decision to make (due to a pronounced sense of justice) and above all a very personal one. No one can make it for you. But what I would do (and have done in another situation when I was a co-alcoholic) is get help! Even if it is psychological help that takes the pressure off and makes the body feel better. There are also free and good counseling centers for almost all areas (even if that is not exactly the problem here).

I can really understand the physical problems. We had (actually still have) a representative group here in the construction area because of what we consider a great injustice that really got on my nerves (obvious corruption on the part of the public authorities to us). At first, it was still okay, but as soon as it became apparent that everyone was walling off, lying, breaking promises and even talks with county representatives, the mayor, etc. showed no progress, I almost had panic attacks, or at least severe trembling all over my body! as soon as I even mentally engaged with the topic. I have now put it behind me, financially I hardly had any losses because of it (I would probably have been able to build something different/cheaper if that hadn’t happened). I now completely stay out of local politics, apart from "bar talk." I definitely feel better. Although while writing this text I notice slight physical reactions!

: Thank you very much for your sincere account. I have already been through all of this, psychological counseling, etc., even day clinic. Back then (20 years ago) we had just built our own house, I was laid off and could no longer fully service the loan. I had panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. From every side, there was only one piece of advice: Sell. And from me: Nooo!!!!!! I sued for my job back and paid off our house. The managing director who wanted to push through the dismissal back then later apologized to me for it. I can’t help but fight. That leaves marks mentally and physically. A former doctor once told me that she had been swindled out of €5,000 by someone, and then, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, she thought about whether she should sit down and write a letter to claim the money back or go for a walk with her husband. She decided on the latter and let the €5,000 go. But everyone has to decide that for themselves.

First of all, congratulations. I believe many readers in this forum did not think you would make it. Because the starting situation was just so miserable. It could also have been the case that your houses simply could not be completed because the defects were so expensive or severe that at some point it just wouldn't be possible anymore.

Of course I am constantly in attack mode. The alternative – silently sinking into whining – was not an option. That may seem black-and-white and nothing in between, but for me there was no in-between. I am a perfectionist and not a half-perfectionist. That is not always beneficial – rather never, also work-wise. Don’t think that I am now sinking into "self-reflection." I know my "mistakes." For me, however, they are not mistakes, otherwise I would change them. Only with this stubbornness have I achieved what we have now. Giving up was never an option. As you yourself write, any other way would have ended worse. Despite everything, I suffered greatly and lost about 20 kg during these construction years. For 2 years every morning my stomach literally turns and I hang over the toilet for half an hour. That is still the case today, even though I constantly tell myself that it should now be okay. My stomach says otherwise or it hasn’t gotten there yet.

I think at this point the entire dilemma becomes clear and you can also see many of the conflicts that there were in the various threads.

1. You do not want to find any help in this forum at all. That is completely okay but then it is sometimes difficult, because the forum also lives from exchange. For you in permanent attack mode, that is naturally initially a reason for a counterattack.

2. It is very complicated to describe: I think you have to ask yourself whether your way was the only possible one to reach the goal (house completion) or not. For you it was the only right way. But it obviously cannot be transferred to other people, because they are not you ;). That is why in a publicly accessible forum it is also in my opinion important to contradict you at certain points. This is not a blog and your construction progress and your handling of it is not 1:1 transferable. And no, I’m not saying that you present yourself here as a role model. I only believe that not everyone possesses your stubbornness and your ability to suffer. That is why other builders in comparable situations have to take different paths.

3. The question about what has been achieved and about the goal is even more complicated: Your goal is the completion of the house, come what may. That is legitimate. But one may ask the legitimate question whether it is worth it. Now you have the house, a damaged stomach and legal disputes. Your way is the right one for you. Others do not want to pay that price and approach it differently.

Your example with the doctor is actually not so bad at this point: If the goal is happiness and satisfaction, then the balance sheet for the doctor may not be so bad after all. She lost 5k € but that does not bother her that much.

... since my son moved to Münster and will stay there for the time being. My two sons still living with us ...

Now I know where your good nerves come from, having had a total of 4 "boys" in the house, you need nerves of steel for that. ;-) I think even one is a challenge. ;-) (Yes, I know, that's sexist. So please take the ;-) into account ... and with a man with three daughters I would make the same joke. (These politically correct times are really demanding. ;-)) Aside from that, is the idea of moving into house no. 2 really not an option? The two new houses are really very well done and very cozy. :)