Depression after notarized contract - experiences

Fact is, I am still desperate

You are. After 10 pages of tips, advice, and other perspectives, however, you do not address any of it. Absolutely nothing. You don’t even say why you are desperate. If you don’t hear what you want to hear here, you should really seek professional help quickly.

Can someone provide concrete numbers?

Ask the notary what he has already arranged. Has the cancellation agreement already been applied for? What has he already done? What fees does he expect for a reversal? The contract cannot simply be annulled. It must be reversed notarized. With the seller, you depend on his goodwill. My goodwill would have to be paid at least €10,000–25,000 with this purchase price for the additional effort, new sales, etc.

You do not respond to the suggestions of the users here, so why do you even ask for advice?

And let's put it this way...

You can't go back anymore, or only with the seller's goodwill in connection with high "unnecessary costs". The bank probably also insists on the interest payments in the agreed contract. (But others are better familiar with this). So currently there is only one logical step, and that is to move into the new house and at least try! Otherwise, you have really just thrown money away for nothing. If you move into the house, the situation looks completely relaxed. If the market continues to develop as it has in recent years, the house will be worth enough upon completion that you won't make a loss.

So open a bottle of wine and look forward to the new house together with your family!

You are. After 10 pages of tips, advice and other perspectives, however, you do not address any of it. Not at all. You don't even say why you are desperate.

You don't respond to the users' suggestions here, so why are you even asking for advice?

I have now said this directly twice, no reaction from the OP. Unfortunately, this is tedious. The forum shows why it stands out positively from other forums on the web and provides very empathetic feedback in a very short time (great praise!), but unfortunately one meets deaf ears. So many valuable sentences... at least engage with them and return the ball. Tennis alone is no fun.

Fact is, I am still desperate

No, that is not a fact, but a feeling. A feeling may deserve the same or at least equal attention as a fact would—but it is not one. Although equalvalue, it is differentkind. Therefore, different tools are needed for it. The despair here is a depression, pathologically requiring professionals in psychotherapy. There is no factual reason for fact-based despair here: You have apparently acquired a price-adequate equivalent and taken on a more secure burden than continuing the tenancy would be. Assuming you could reverse the purchase: Then a considerable financial burden would certainly befall you. The notary wants their fees. The seller wants their compensation. The tax office wants the property transfer tax and will hassle you with months of a formal process to acknowledge the reversal. That roughly drags your liquidity down by about half a year's rent. No bank will lend you this, since there is no equivalent / security for it. And with someone who is severely upset about this, the family will then also have to endure their next vacation on the balcony. And as if that were not enough already, the latent dissatisfaction with the then again unfulfilled urge for homeownership starts to itch again. As soon as you can afford it again, you take on the next property—and drop it again. Because feeling more secure you have been unable to train on anything in the meantime. Hopefully, you see: only trained professionals for feelings help here, and no hobby experts for built facts.

Oh dear... that all sounds really bad, I am very sorry for you that you are feeling so bad after the purchase. I don’t think much more needs to be said about the rational arguments why this purchase is actually a very good idea; since we are building in Munich, the Stuttgart prices really don’t bother us much in comparison and are quite manageable with your very good family income as well. I would definitely recommend that you contact your family doctor or even better, a counseling center for psychological distress, because your anxiety is currently completely paralyzing you and no longer matches the objective situation. During Corona, many of us reached our absolute limits and it is always better to seek help in extreme emotional situations if you feel like you don’t know what to do anymore. You describe your emotional state with words that set off alarm bells for me; there is a lot of pressure, fear, loss, and performance compulsion to read, even though there could and should be a lot of anticipation, positive excitement, harmonious family life, and joy about a possibly second child. If everything should actually be fine, but it is not, I think in this case it is really worth looking behind the facade; the house will only be the trigger for why you feel so bad now, but it could resurface before the next big life decision if much more important questions scare you but are suppressed and not looked at: Do I feel comfortable at work? Am I coping well with the demands placed on me as an employee and father? Why do I put so much pressure on myself, who do I have to prove what to? Is my marriage and family life nice and stable or is there a construction site here? From my own experience I know how difficult and sometimes painful it is to deal with such questions, but also how good it can feel when you find answers to the actual questions; then usually the other problems for which you actually sought help also dissolve. What generally helps me in life was the realization that unfortunately we have nothing under control but that most things are also just a snapshot and you can always change your life, that applies to divorces, house sales, job changes, and friendships. Imagine the absolute worst case, what could happen to you? Construction stress, a tense relationship, and a sale of the house, which in your situation would probably go through without loss or even with profit. Or is it more the fear of maybe not meeting your own and others’ expectations and therefore preferring to play it safe by staying in the no longer suitable apartment? Consider the question of why it would be so bad if you were to “fail” with this house, I believe and wish for you that then you will feel better and will find a solution for this answer together with your family.

By the way, there are crisis services and helplines. You should call them immediately. This forum obviously does not help you. You need personal contact.