Depression after notarized contract - experiences

Hello everyone,

I am reaching out to you because I am currently feeling very low and very scared.

A brief background:

Small family, 1 child, living in a rental apartment. My desire for a house has existed for 3 years. We have looked at countless houses that didn’t fit, that didn’t fit in terms of location. My wife was never eager for a house (an apartment is enough). Now, in the past there was a house I agreed on, then backed out, then wanted the house again (it had since been sold). So it was a back and forth of feelings.

So now the time came that we found a house that is not perfect but fits us in terms of location and size (but quite expensive). I was fired up when I reserved it and overjoyed.

Before the notary appointment, I also had doubts but went through with it with my family because I was somewhat under pressure (prices are rising endlessly, rents are also getting more expensive, etc.). I should say that compared to the "market prices" we still rent relatively okay because of the housing cooperative.

We are still three, want at least a second child (for a while now). The space is enough for now, but with four people on 77m2 it would be too tight in the future.

So now we have signed the contract and since then I haven’t been able to sleep. Really brutal thoughts, stomach aches, exhaustion, crying fits and more. The price is very high, basically indebted for life for a standard terraced house.

The house will only be built and will be finished at the earliest at the end of 2022. I am afraid that this condition will persist and affect my relationship. Right now I would wish to undo everything and continue to enjoy our rental apartment.

What do you advise me? This can’t be normal, right? Should I talk to the seller? He could sell the house to someone else in 20 minutes. The notary would have to be reversed. With a purchase price of just under 800,000 euros, costs would probably be around 20-30k (which somehow wouldn’t bother me at all, I just want to get up again feeling good).

Please help me

So without knowing the income situation, it is of course difficult to judge whether the stomach ache might be something any of us would have, or only you, due to the long-term commitment. Regarding the topic of long-term commitment, or "paying lifelong," I think you should relax a bit. It is not a lifelong commitment. If you say that the house finds a new buyer within 20 minutes, the demand seems to be high. No one knows for sure, but presumably the demand will still be high in 5 or 10 years. The chances that you can sell the house again for the same price then, maybe higher, maybe a little lower, are good. That means the worst case would be that you end up making a loss of a few thousand, but that will be manageable.

That is to some extent completely normal with such sums - it's called buyers remorse or sticker shock. The only remedy is to focus on the positive aspects and then address the problems when they arise. You know that with kids. :) It will be fine.

mh, strange situation.

Did you buy the house, or did the family have a say in it?

Really brutal thoughts, stomach aches, fatigue, crying spells and such. The price is very high, basically in debt for life for a standard terraced house.

Why heavily in debt? Overall, nothing really changes for you (or even for you all?). Then there are €600k or whatever debts - but on the other side, there is an €800k house. So you are neither poorer nor richer than without the house.
What exactly are your stomach aches? What does the family say?

a lifetime for a standard terraced house.

Who is stopping you from selling your (or your?) house again? For example, I am still under 50 and moved into my fifth owner-occupied property six weeks ago. If the house or apartment doesn’t fit, just buy a new one. Without emotions. Like changing a car.

You are in the wrong forum. Your problem is not the contract, but that you have (future) fears, cannot stand by decisions/commitments, etc. Many portions of trust and confidence in yourself and your environment are necessary! With rent, you are bound for a longer time, maybe this fact helps.

Regarding what you write here and how you feel, and the impact this has on you, I want to say upfront that no one here can professionally support you. It is impossible to assess (and no one here is qualified to) how "dramatic" your emotional state actually is. Therefore, please do seek professional help, that is no shame. Unfortunately, I have already had some experience in my circle of acquaintances that if you wait too long, it becomes harder to get out of such a hole and leads to a breakdown. That does not have to happen, and it is not worth it!

Content-wise, it has already been mentioned that with the information provided it is hardly possible to assess how "shaky" your construct really is. You are welcome to provide some information about the financing framework.

In general, it is absolutely normal to take on very long-term commitments when buying and building a house. If they are calculated somewhat reasonably, there is no need to be afraid of that. As already stated, you should also keep in mind that if something goes wrong, you always have the option to sell the house again. In the best case, there is not even a loss because prices have risen further. In the worse case, you lose some money. But if it is not totally nonsensical in its calculation, then you have lost some money but you do not have the amount you consider as debt looming over you.

So please approach this somewhat objectively here, but beyond that get help.