When the dream of the house bursts

I understand that you don't want to share personal details. You don't have to. But we are sitting here with your post in a discussion. In this respect, one takes something in and reflects on it. What we write can remain uncommented by you. Nevertheless, we writers hope that the words do not just bounce off and that in this case you will think about whether we might possibly be right. In a discussion, ways forward are also shown. And even if only your eyes are opened to the fact that there are other ways, or you or your wife currently find yourselves in a self-“created” dead end, that's at least a start. Because the dream of the house breaking apart is usually always rooted in oneself or one's own life situation.

Of course, I read what you write and think about it. But that does not change the fact that the insight that buying or building simply isn’t possible right now is already there. And, even if I repeat myself, I did not ask for active help to change my situation now. That would first have to start with me/us and not with strangers in an internet forum. As a teenager/young adult, I made mistakes that I have to fix. Without outside help, only through my own work. I don’t want to claim that my achievement is unique, but I am proud of this achievement for myself. And my wife and I will still achieve the house. Only not now and not under the conditions as they are right now. So far, I have been able to educate myself very well here in the forum and will continue to do so. It doesn’t hurt to become aware of something over five years. So again, sorry if you felt attacked, mocked, or ignored; that was not my intention. I will contact the appropriate forum if I need help.

So far, I have been able to educate myself very well here in the forum and will continue to do so.

I am always happy – here and in other forums, even on completely different topics – when long-time lurkers come out of hiding and start posting themselves. In this respect, I also hope for your continued participation, even if, in my opinion, some posts in this thread already come quite close to the line between group therapy and classroom bullying. As far as I am concerned, your wife may very well be satisfied without a driver’s license and does not need to justify that.

Personally, I also cannot understand how someone could have accumulated such high debts. I can only understand a loan for three reasons: wedding, car, house.

An intact world is a wish that always fits nicely into the Advent season. And may the new year bring it back to all those who once had something come between them. That happens in more “best families” than our school wisdom could ever dream of.

I understand a loan for only one reason: an investment. A car usually is not one, and a wedding almost never is. A wedding costs about €20 in fees. Anything more is luxury that one must be able to afford. Therefore, I see no difference between going into debt for a TV or an iPhone and going into debt for a wedding. The same generally applies to cars. You want one that is better than you can afford, so you shift the problem into the future.

Going into debt for a wedding is downright stupid. Especially since the formal act hardly costs anything, everything else is additional and homemade. You can also save up for it and do it a few months later, what kind of loan would you need for that? That is consumption like everything else and consumption is not financed on credit.

Consumption not on credit. Wedding paid for by the bride’s parents, the party counts as part of the dowry. No reason to go into debt. [emoji3]

Consumption not on credit. Wedding paid by the bride's parents, the party counts as the dowry. No reason to get into debt. [emoji3]

It is not customary everywhere for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding.
What do the groom's parents pay?
In our rural area, it is quite common that the wedding is paid for by the money given by the guests in envelopes, and material gifts are rather not desired.
Example: 1 guest couple = €300 to €500 depending on the neighborhood or degree of kinship.