How did you resolve disagreements with your partner?

I completely agree with , there is nothing to add to that.

To put it unambiguously: I consider gratitude an inadequate substitute for appreciation. These are two fundamentally different concepts. Gratitude is directed from bottom to top. Appreciation is on an equal level.

The gratitude thrown into the ring by was connected with humility and therefore I rather related it to the material level.

, on the other hand, is grateful to her husband because he loves her as she is? For me, that is belittling herself, as if she were not worth it? If she says she appreciates his tolerance towards her quirks, it is on equal terms.

When I am grateful to someone, it is because I owe them something, because they have done more than I can return. That is why I am very reluctant to be grateful.

There is undeserved luck, for which I am grateful: healthy children, having found my wife, some things in my career that have fallen into place as it was favorable. This gratitude is definitely religious and a completely different level than what Farilo describes. K.

I think Chand describes it quite well: gratitude is a "level difference," appreciation is on an equal footing. That's probably why so many people get upset about Farilo's attitude here (including me).

This also applies to the "religious" gratitude as Nodlys mentions – that is somehow submissive: thank you for the outrageous luck I had (internally I hear the addition "even though I don't necessarily deserve it"). I don't see it that way in all cases – gratitude because you have healthy children – clearly, you don't have much influence there, that's really a merciful fate. The nice woman? Well, Nordlys, you must have been nice too for her to take a liking to you – in that case, mutual appreciation would be more important to me personally – you know what you have in the other person. Nothing comes from nothing – also here!

What really doesn't work for me is demanding gratitude and the right to make lonely decisions based on financial superiority. It simply has nothing to do with my idea of a partnership. Especially not when the other partner contributes their effort in terms of raising children, household, care, etc., but does not receive monetary compensation for it. But even if one partner simply has more money and brings it in, that by no means means that they automatically get to have the final say. In my eyes, that is simply counterproductive for a partnership. We build OUR house, and we FIND a decision TOGETHER – sometimes one yields, sometimes the other. And that has nothing to do with who has the money. Which DOES NOT relate to how ownership is regulated (for the case of separation, but that is only relevant then).

However, if someone likes a partnership in the form of a sugar daddy – so he supports his doll and she, out of gratitude that he showers her with riches, is correspondingly adaptable – well, then gratitude might work (to remain gender-neutral: it works the other way around too, of course).

I don't want that. I want an equal partner and to make decisions on equal terms – even if that sometimes means longer disputes. We have always found consensus. And if that weren't the case, if one argued over every little thing and no agreement was in sight, then I would seriously reconsider that partnership. But I would never ever say to my husband: listen, I have the money here, so shut up and accept my decisions and be grateful for it!

I would like to explicitly applaud this post once again.

The bill is always settled when the children have left the house. Then there is usually a great emptiness. This is where it is decided which model is better. Those who had everything open together or two individuals with separate accounts, etc. I think the latter group will fight to the death over what is mine and yours if a separation occurs. The couples described here in favor of separate accounts have a huge EGO and a partner with a huge EGO. I also have that EGO but love my family. Nothing is put aside.

You all have too much free time during working hours!