How did you resolve disagreements with your partner?

We rarely had disagreements, and when something was really important to someone, there were minor discussions. But we also said beforehand that we wanted to stay within the budget and everyone had one wish. In the end, however, it was always unity and a joint decision.

We basically agree on many things. Beyond that, there are a few matters that one person decides alone (his workshop is his thing, I almost single-handedly picked out the lamps and just got his approval), and sometimes we discuss, argue, and there have even been situations where he said, "I’m not saying anything anymore because it won’t be considered anyway," and sulked for a few days. The fact is that I, a little perfectionist, have already planned everything countless times, looked at thousands of pages on the internet for inspiration, read magazines, etc.—so I’m much more involved in planning and execution than he is. I wait out the sulking phase and usually experience that eventually he admits my solution is more thought-out (well, I’ve probably invested several hours, while he’s dealing with it for the first time).

A few things are, as I said, his playground. Lots is technical—so when I read here about some LAN sockets and how many, etc., I can’t contribute, he does it. And I assume it will fit then. Sometimes it costs me a lot of energy to hold back when I notice he just lets it run. I’m just very different there, I would read up until I know what I want. For example, we considered BUS—it should be his decision. I would have immediately joined relevant forums, read up, etc.—he decided at some point that it’s too much money for too little benefit, more or less based on gut feeling. So we don’t have it now. Let’s see if we will regret it someday.

But I simply have to take care of my resources, so I strictly refuse to get involved in that kind of detail. My capacity is exhausted. Besides, it would lead to further discussions because then I want to bring in my (read) knowledge, and he gets sulky that I’m messing in his little garden. So I leave it—it’s also good for the relationship.

Overall, it often happens that we independently decide on the same thing. Just today again: we still had to decide on the color of the spots in the bathroom. I knew what I liked and forwarded the inquiry from our lamp store to him and asked: what do you want? And he came to the same result. That’s how it was with the flooring, etc., too.

But I probably wouldn’t keep the composure like Maria if it were about a club symbol as paving stones, rather I’d be strictly against it.

So we have gotten through building the house so far without major crises, and hopefully we’ll manage the last two months as well.

You can also build a house without getting on each other's nerves. We didn't even have a single argument or intense discussion from planning until now, 1 year after moving in.

Own contribution until moving in none

Financing did not come close to the limit by far. The budget was tight but adequately set. That was our red line that must not be crossed.

With the equipment, compromises are necessary, but you know each other and know what is possible.

I always have to explore everything, check out, google, compare... prices etc. I am very passionate about it, I often do it in the evenings with my iPad in front of the TV, my husband doesn’t notice at all when it comes to things like lamps, a new table, or now new garden loungers. He is quite indifferent about it, just nods, and I am happy. However, I also notice my own resources...

Organization = me
Aesthetics = her or both

It was the same for us (we renovated and partially refurbished an old building). My husband handled the organization and did a great job. He managed to organize all the necessary and about 90% good craftsmen in a very short time. Not a given nowadays, especially since we were under time pressure (termination for own use :-( ). I tried to let him do as much as possible, even though I was pretty scared about having to move into a shell with two small children, but he managed it really well. I’m still very impressed.
We decided on the aesthetics together and since we have a similar taste and a similar attitude towards financial planning, we usually reached a quick consensus.
Nevertheless, it was a very tough time and as a couple you really have to be careful to remain a team. I consider communication with each other and trust in the partner's abilities very important to get through a renovation or new-build phase well.

Payer decides. If both pay, then both decide. If not agreed, then nothing. Wait until a decision is made. Then you just live with the gravel driveway... Better than spending 30k on something the other partner doesn't like at all and who drives on the driveway with a grumpy face for years. Time will tell. Period.