How did you resolve disagreements with your partner?

Exactly!

Only if both maintain the same spending discipline.
In the constellation "saver loves spender," a joint account is almost guaranteed to explode.

That's how it is. When I was young, I once had a long and beautiful relationship with a gambler. We are still close friends and get along great. But it was clear to both of us that a joint account was out of the question.

Only if both maintain the same spending discipline. In the constellation "saver loves spender," a joint account is practically a recipe for disaster.

Sure, but in the long run such relationships don’t last. That’s called self-regulation. In such cases, both are unhappy.

Sure, but in the long run such relationships don't last. That's called self-regulation. Both are unhappy in such a situation.

If the accounts are separate, then such a relationship has a chance. The "spender" doesn't have to be a bad partner otherwise. My sister-in-law is such a case. She earns well but also lets the card burn just as much (lunch at the trendy Italian, mostly shopping at the organic market, etc.). Even a short-term overdraft is sometimes accepted. A generally nice character, but without separate accounts it wouldn't work with her partner at all. Pure self-protection for both sides. And this relationship has lasted 16 years.

We also have unequal financial conditions .... And I have to say without my partner's additional equity, the house would simply have become smaller / less equipped .... If he had said: I have more equity so I decide, then I would have said: then we build the house according to my equity and we both choose 50/50 .... I mean hello, hopefully I will live there for 40 years too .... and pay it off my whole life ....

So your wife doesn’t have to be grateful because she contributes equally, or how am I supposed to understand that?

In an equal relationship, gratitude has no place, but rather, as rightly writes, the appreciation of mutual contributions.

You don’t have to understand that at all. It’s all good.

However, I am of the opinion that if someone wants to understand me, they should read my contributions without prejudice and ulterior motives and then understand them. It’s not difficult. Of course, if you want/have to be everybody’s darling, then it won’t work.

And if someone doesn’t want to understand, then explaining everything here is pointless...

I also respect your opinion that gratitude has no place in an equal relationship. However, I do not share it at all.