How did you resolve disagreements with your partner?

Gratitude and humility are not really your thing then? Interesting... I wouldn’t have expected that at all, since you’re all so kind and perfect...

Gratitude is, for example, appropriate on both sides in the situation of my husband and me! I don’t see why I should be more grateful and humble towards him because he brings the money home than towards him because I take care of the child (by the way, he wanted children more than I did) and the household and also keep his back free for leisure activities. For you, apparently, received money is simply the measure of performance... but that’s not the case (see poor pay in nursing, for example) and even if it were, a loving partner could still give the "weaker link" the opportunity to bring their own wishes into a house construction... one would think that it matters to you that the partner feels just as comfortable in the shared house as you do.

So. That’s it from me on the subject now.

A house a home for a family or a couple. Everyone has to feel comfortable there. The decision is made together. If the budget does not allow a 60x60 format then that is how it is.

Having a say is not the same as being registered in the land register

Childrearing and loss of earnings is another matter

My husband and I have known each other since we were 18. Who earns more money has changed many times over the years.

As long as you are together everything belongs in one pot. The important thing is to clarify when separating.

Gratitude and humility are not really your thing then?

With the terms gratitude and humility, you name two significant virtues.
Anyone who demands gratitude in a partnership because they value their contribution higher than that of their partner, whether financially or in some other way, has embarked on a difficult path for partnership.

We had neither the time nor the money nor the inclination to argue about tiles.

Here, "no time" finally shows its productive side.

A muse for arguing is a new concept to me. What a cruel inspiration.

With the terms gratitude and humility, you name two important virtues.
Anyone who demands gratitude in a partnership because they value their own part higher than their partner's share, whether financially or in some other way, has embarked on a difficult path for partnership.

That shows "no time" finally from the productive side.

A muse for arguing is a new concept to me. What a cruel inspiration.

Haha, yes, but it was something like that. More in the sense that with a full-time job (husband), 2 small children, dog and studying plus part-time job (me), we simply didn’t have much energy left to think too much about anything. I then took a leave semester because otherwise I would have had to write my master’s thesis in parallel, and I really stood on the construction site every day for at least 6 hours, tearing down, carrying rubble, plastering, etc. That was all fine and I even enjoyed it, but no one really felt like thinking about joint colors or the white shading of the tiles or deciding between 5 white baseboards anymore.

You mention two important virtues with the terms gratitude and humility.
Anyone who demands gratitude in a partnership because they rate their share higher than the partner's share, whether financially or in some other way, has embarked on a difficult path for partnership.

In the search/selection of a partner, these virtues were definitely a must-have. Thus, I actually (passively) demanded them in the search/selection process, so to speak. (You get to know the person and see whether it fits or not.)
Since my lady shares the same values as I do, the question of demanding them doesn't even arise.

We are individual people with common, but also many individual wishes and dreams. Many of these individual dreams can only be fulfilled alone.

I would puke if my partner always wants, likes, or does the same as I do. I want a partner, not a duplicate.

But many here probably see it differently... Each to their own.

A house, a home for a family or a couple. Everyone has to feel comfortable there. The decision is made together. If the budget does not allow for a 60x60 format, then so be it.

Having a say is not the same as being registered in the land register.

Child-rearing and loss of earnings are another matter.

My husband and I have known each other since we were 18. Who earns more money has changed many times over the years.

As long as you are together, everything belongs in one pot. What matters is clarification in case of separation.

Many things here speak to me from the heart, while I consider other statements here as morally inappropriate.
Marriage is a community of accrued gains. We started in 1983 with a red Renault R 4, panels patched with polyester, some cheap furniture and a rented apartment, with 1200 marks from me and about the same from her. Everything we have acquired, built up and earned in the following years is ours. We never had separate accounts, always one single account. One. We have always filed our income tax according to the splitting table, yours and mine make one. And there never was the sentence, but that is actually my money... Such power games have no place in marriage and kill all love, replacing it with relationships of dependence. Karsten