How did you resolve disagreements with your partner?

The constellations mentioned here also seem pretty far-fetched to me - hey, we are talking about people who somehow fit together. The careerist and the dropout type - well - that probably works long before the question of account management arises.

With us, it’s like with Chand: no children, double income.
At the beginning of our relationship I earned significantly more. Vacation: I gave him one for his birthday back then - he wouldn’t have been able to afford this trip (diving vacation in East Asia). I wanted to take the vacation, and with him too, and convince him to dive. It worked. Well, I paid for it, but what would have been the alternative? I wanted to go on vacation with him, not alone, and I wanted to show him the beauty of the underwater world that fascinated me so much. We had a great vacation, I never regretted a single euro of it - well-invested money - and, by the way: I also didn’t expect any submissive gratitude. As Alex Huber, the extreme climber, says: you create a few beautiful, colorful pages in the book of life. Can you invest money better?

Over time he earned more and more and our income and expenses slowly became balanced. For joint purchases we simply pooled money from our respective private accounts - for daily expenses we had our household account. That worked great too.

Now, as mentioned, we have a joint account, so we both see immediately what’s left and what’s not. We are both equally into spending money, each with his/her quirks. I spend a bit more on shoes *ahem*, he on some technical gadgets. We earn well and can afford our quirks. But we both also know where we have to set limits. If my husband weren’t wired that way, I wouldn’t have built a house with him.

The joint account reduced some organizational effort for us - we found that practical. If one of us withdraws money now, he or she asks the other if they need anything as well, so one might withdraw more if necessary. If one of us runs out of money, the other just gives fifty without expecting it back (like we did with separate accounts).
If one suddenly gets a shopping spree, the other will ask what’s going on. Believe it or not: we communicate!
But we already did that with separate accounts as well.

We now buy cars together, but one is more “mine” and the other more “his.” We share costs jointly. If I keep taking the train, the next car will be something tiny - I don’t need more for the way to the station. And that even though I still earn more!

We are a couple, now also married - WE are a couple, not him and me. The account is irrelevant there.
For the hopefully never occurring case of separation we will take precautions by means of a marriage contract and for the case of death by means of a will and hope that the former never and the latter not for a long time will happen.

Climbee, you don't need a contract. But you should make a will. Without children, the simple Berliner will is sufficient for you. The templates can be found online. Write it by hand. Sign it. Place, date, and the phrase Our last will above. K.

You do realize that such a constellation as a couple doesn’t have a lasting future?
A career-driven person with a need for recognition and a self-confident minimalist who is happy with little. Doesn’t work together. Has nothing to do with accounts.

It goes the way Karsten describes. It doesn’t matter how many accounts there are. You talk and come to an agreement. And if one is the Maldives type and the other the Bavarian Forest type, you travel separately or separate entirely – if traveling is important for life, a shared preference here is the basis for a relationship. Someone who wants to fly on vacation to exotic places every year (and spends half the time in the hotel, unbelievable) would be dismissed by me anyway. Some discussions just don’t happen.

It’s quite interesting to see how you interpret this here. It really says quite a lot about your current attitude. (I don’t mean this in a bad way!)

Need for recognition in someone who has decided to sacrifice their soul to the company.
Maybe that’s even true... but maybe not.
Maybe they do this because they’re tired of standing still financially and want to be able to treat themselves to something in life once in a while...
For example: additional health insurance/private insurance, a bike that actually fits because they are very tall, a car they can fit into because they're long, a house where they feel comfortable because they have lived in a 2.5 room apartment with 5 people since they were young, saving separately for retirement, etc...
That often isn’t possible when you have a standard job and also deliver standard work.
So, a clerk with intermediate school leaving certificate working 9 to 5 and not doing overtime in an industry that generally isn’t known for high salaries (e.g., retail or truck logistics) simply can’t manage the above without really stepping on the gas!
To call these needs a “need for recognition” I find not quite correct.

At the same time, you call the self-confident minimalist... maybe he is self-confident. Maybe the person is simply without prospects and has come to terms with the situation. Maybe the person has fortunately inherited and at the same time is just terribly lazy.

You don’t know at all.
So always jumping to extremes right away and then making the prognosis “will never last” is unnecessary...

Either way... everything will be fine.

Dear Farilo,

there was talk of someone who wants to "go all out" in the Maldives because the money from the over-50 hours does have to be spent.

To me - quite subjectively - that sounds like someone who defines themselves by what they can afford. The big house, the expensive vacation, as proof of success in servitude. That IS a need for recognition. I know almost only people who after a vacation tell you in detail where they were, what they saw, and that you absolutely have to treat yourself to that. And they are offended if you're not interested. At the same time, they have also invested a lot at home to optimally fulfill all their needs and to have it really nice. And in their precious free time, they then spend extra money so as not to have to enjoy this beauty at all. You really have to work hard for that, that's for sure.

Those who think more like me (that it's pretty stupid, but man’s will is his heaven) are ruled out as life partners for these consumer people. That's just how it is, both sides can live with it.

However, smaller differences can be excellently bridged by separate accounts.

Okay, I paid, but what would have been the alternative? I wanted to go on vacation with him, not alone, and I wanted to show him the beauty of the underwater world that fascinated me so much. We had a great vacation, I never regretted a single euro of it - well-invested money - and, by the way: I did not expect submissive gratitude either. As Alex Huber, the extreme climber, says: you create a few beautiful, colorful pages in the book of life. Can you invest money better than that?

Believe it or not: we communicate!

We are a couple, now married too - WE are a couple, not he and I.

So by the way, I know this Maldives constellation personally ....

And I don't find anything bad about it ... in this case the Maldives man pays for the vacation because the other one could never afford it ... and now keep making a fuss about the Bavarian Forest just because the other one is foolishly a kindergarten teacher and doesn’t earn anything there is also silly ...

That's why you don't have to separate right away ....

But I have always wondered how it would work out if the poorer one were just lazier ...