Duplex - Trouble with the Neighbor

Hello dear members

I found your nice forum thanks to Google. Unfortunately, as it often happens, a problem has brought me here

We are building an extension to an existing semi-detached house in Baden Württemberg.
We are building on a concrete slab. The nice neighbor built his half with a basement.
We live 70 kilometers away from the construction site.
Therefore, both of us cannot be on the construction site hourly due to work and having two children.
Yesterday morning, the workers started with the formwork of the concrete slab.
When I went to the construction site yesterday, my nice neighbor was already waiting for me.
He was shouting at me quite loudly. He was also extremely angry.
The slab next to his house would only be insulated with styrodur.
One worker tried to explain to him that the slab would be insulated with styrodur and that the house would additionally be equipped with a 4 cm soundproof wall.
He still didn’t calm down.
He just kept shouting. He said he would take pictures and that he wouldn’t pay anything either.

We do not intend to ask him for money.
I was really shocked!!!

Actually, he should be worried because he has encroached 3 cm of his entire house length onto our property.

What does it look like legally?
I told my husband.
He originally wanted to go to a lawyer right away.
I value peace with the neighbor more.

Please excuse my spelling mistakes and my ignorance. I have two children and have to keep them happy at the same time.

Thank you Sandra

I don't understand his problem. If you don't build on, there is no insulation at all (however that is meant).

Before you do anything, bring a coffee (you surely bring the workers one sometimes too - it creates a lot of good mood on the construction site) to the floor slab and ask what exactly his problem is.

If that doesn't help, just shout back that his house stands on your property and your workers will now shave off his exterior wall by three centimeters.

Joking aside: Talking calmly helps the most at first.

I think so too. He’s pissed off because nobody has been there so far, now someone is coming, it’s loud, dirty and altogether, he doesn’t like it and somewhere along the way he has let out his frustration.

It’s still outrageous that he yells at you like that first. How old is the esteemed neighbor? From a time when people thought they could do that to women? I would definitely bring my husband next time, but still lead the conversation. It could be that just the presence of your husband makes him a bit calmer (yes, these kinds of guys still exist). Then you ask him WHAT exactly he doesn’t like and why. Ideally, you have previously checked with your site manager that everything was carried out correctly. And then you can calmly and confidently (of course!) counter. And it has to be you, not your husband, who just stands there to amplify your opinion so that the guy realizes he really has to reckon with you. Definitely stay calm.

If the little Rumpelstiltskin continues to rumpelstilzen, then by all means address the encroached centimeters charmingly (of course! Just like you, right?) and if this goes on like this, you would consider doing something about it.

I don't understand his problem. If you don't build an extension, there is no insulation at all (whatever that means). Before you do anything, bring him a coffee (you probably do that for the workers too – it creates a good mood on the construction site) and ask what exactly his problem is with the foundation slab. If that doesn't help, just shout back that his house is standing on your property and your workers will now plane down his outer wall by three centimeters. Joking aside: Talking calmly is the best approach at first.

Thank you for your reply. His problem is that the sound insulation does not start at the bottom edge of the foundation slab. Rather, it is above. He is not satisfied with there being only Styrodur there. I offered him to talk about it with our construction manager. But he just kept shouting. I had my children with me, so I stayed calm.

I think so too. He's pissed off because no one has been there until now, and now someone is coming, it's loud, dirty, and he just doesn't like it, and somewhere he's now let out his frustration.

It's still rude that he first yells at you like that. How old is the dear neighbor? Still from a time when people think they can do that to women? I would definitely bring my husband next time, but still take the lead in the conversation. It could be that just the presence of your husband makes him a bit calmer (yes, such guys still exist). Then ask him what exactly he doesn’t like and why. Ideally, you have already checked with your site manager beforehand that everything was executed correctly. And then you can calmly and confidently (of course!) counter. And it should be you, not your husband, who stands there as an opinion amplifier so the guy realizes he absolutely has to reckon with you too. In any case, stay calm.

If the little Rumpelstiltskin continues to act up, then by all means charmingly (of course! Just as you are, right?) address the extra built-up centimeters and if this continues, you would consider something about it.

He is retired now. I do understand him too. The poor guy had peace all the time, and now a family with two children is coming. Even though it was foreseeable, we are now changing his accustomed street view.

I just managed to reach my site manager by phone. He will try to sort it out with him. His suspicion was that he is afraid he might have to pay half of the soundproofing.

Had a similar fight last year with the nice neighbor behind me. First, the following advice. Since you obviously get more upset about the issue than he does, try to de-escalate, after all, you want to live fence to fence there. Even if it’s difficult, try to maintain a factual atmosphere. If you are building, there must necessarily be a building permit and an approved design. The type of insulation is also specified there. And the neighboring landowner has surely signed it as well. If necessary, refer him to your construction manager, since you don’t really understand much about building. The construction manager should take such discussions off your hands anyway.