Climbee
2020-03-09 08:28:07
- #1
I can understand that you don’t want any trouble with your parents. And I also think, a harsh break doesn’t have to be the case. I have a good and close relationship with my parents as well and have often had to hear that I haven’t really cut the cord. For me, it was always okay the way it was and is. We built our house on my parents’ property, my mother lives in the house next door (my father unfortunately passed away, otherwise he would still live there too).
So much upfront – I can well understand a large part of your motivation.
I’m also familiar with the frustration that a land division and the resulting costs are necessary. If it were up to us alone, we would have saved ourselves that as well. But that’s just not how it works.
And then there is a fundamental question you should perhaps consider: Do your parents want the best for you?
I think so, right? Then they should think about a separation of the property. Because otherwise they are enriching themselves at your expense (they would then own your house, just like that). And I don’t think that’s their intention. But they do so – simply by doing nothing.
The “tidy” land register your father is so fond of – that will still be tidy after the division, just with a few slightly different details.
I can well imagine that it’s uncomfortable for you to talk about this with your parents. They have given you a part of the property for your house, you get along well with them overall, you have a good relationship and your father likes his land register, but he has no use for lawyers, notaries or other (costly) advisors. And now you come along wanting a part of the property to be transferred to you (the nice land register gets ruined) and the whole thing is connected with costs and contacts with notaries etc. That is unpleasant and your father will initially spit venom and bile with the attitude you describe here. Brace yourself for that.
But I would argue along the lines of what I wrote above: you surely want the best for me – just as you have always done. Stay very factual. You have received enough reasons for why a division and gift/transfer make sense in the last 18 pages. Your father can also secure a repurchase right with corresponding clauses in such a notary contract (and thus prevent, for example, you selling to strangers at some point) etc. There are many options to cushion any concerns your parents may have.
Only one thing you should make clear: if things stay as they are now, then your parents are greatly enriching themselves at your expense. In the event of their death, you will be in a very bad spot because inheritance tax will hit hard (therefore: give now with “warm hands”!). And if I understand correctly, you are the only child and supposed to inherit everything, right? You simply bring the process forward a bit now to save costs (even if it costs something now – later it will be significantly more expensive) – that argument could work on your father! And so that he does not feel like he has to give up everything and “has nothing” anymore: as I said, you can counter this with appropriate clauses. That means: the thing belongs to you, but during your parents’ lifetime they still have certain access rights.
I understand that you don’t want to have this conversation because it’s clear that you will likely provoke your father’s/parents’ displeasure. I still consider it indispensable that you have it. As I said: you don’t want to take anything away, you want to find the most cost-effective and best way for you to take up your inheritance. And that should also be in your parents’ interest.
And beyond that, it would certainly also be an opportunity to achieve the detachment mentioned here more than once.
With a lot of understanding, a mother who controls me like that (even if it’s with the best intentions), a father who checks my finances – that would be a bit too much for me.
As I said, in many aspects of your situation I recognize myself – but honestly: even though we live directly next door to each other, I often don’t see my mother for days and we don’t notice anything about each other. And that’s a good thing, otherwise it wouldn’t work.
So much upfront – I can well understand a large part of your motivation.
I’m also familiar with the frustration that a land division and the resulting costs are necessary. If it were up to us alone, we would have saved ourselves that as well. But that’s just not how it works.
And then there is a fundamental question you should perhaps consider: Do your parents want the best for you?
I think so, right? Then they should think about a separation of the property. Because otherwise they are enriching themselves at your expense (they would then own your house, just like that). And I don’t think that’s their intention. But they do so – simply by doing nothing.
The “tidy” land register your father is so fond of – that will still be tidy after the division, just with a few slightly different details.
I can well imagine that it’s uncomfortable for you to talk about this with your parents. They have given you a part of the property for your house, you get along well with them overall, you have a good relationship and your father likes his land register, but he has no use for lawyers, notaries or other (costly) advisors. And now you come along wanting a part of the property to be transferred to you (the nice land register gets ruined) and the whole thing is connected with costs and contacts with notaries etc. That is unpleasant and your father will initially spit venom and bile with the attitude you describe here. Brace yourself for that.
But I would argue along the lines of what I wrote above: you surely want the best for me – just as you have always done. Stay very factual. You have received enough reasons for why a division and gift/transfer make sense in the last 18 pages. Your father can also secure a repurchase right with corresponding clauses in such a notary contract (and thus prevent, for example, you selling to strangers at some point) etc. There are many options to cushion any concerns your parents may have.
Only one thing you should make clear: if things stay as they are now, then your parents are greatly enriching themselves at your expense. In the event of their death, you will be in a very bad spot because inheritance tax will hit hard (therefore: give now with “warm hands”!). And if I understand correctly, you are the only child and supposed to inherit everything, right? You simply bring the process forward a bit now to save costs (even if it costs something now – later it will be significantly more expensive) – that argument could work on your father! And so that he does not feel like he has to give up everything and “has nothing” anymore: as I said, you can counter this with appropriate clauses. That means: the thing belongs to you, but during your parents’ lifetime they still have certain access rights.
I understand that you don’t want to have this conversation because it’s clear that you will likely provoke your father’s/parents’ displeasure. I still consider it indispensable that you have it. As I said: you don’t want to take anything away, you want to find the most cost-effective and best way for you to take up your inheritance. And that should also be in your parents’ interest.
And beyond that, it would certainly also be an opportunity to achieve the detachment mentioned here more than once.
With a lot of understanding, a mother who controls me like that (even if it’s with the best intentions), a father who checks my finances – that would be a bit too much for me.
As I said, in many aspects of your situation I recognize myself – but honestly: even though we live directly next door to each other, I often don’t see my mother for days and we don’t notice anything about each other. And that’s a good thing, otherwise it wouldn’t work.