Dowry hunter - Aunt's partner tries to cheat the grandmother

Because they obviously didn’t use any hotel services, the guy asked my grandpa if he could please pay him the money for the room.

There are some people... Great guy *sarcasm off*

But another thing: Even if you find out that your grandma wants to freely decide about her care and can still do so: How are you supposed to enforce that if someone much closer is working against you? Your options are very limited.

If you don’t want to create a battlefield on which your grandma is also present (and at 97 you’re no longer stress-resistant, no matter how healthy you are), this only seemingly benefits her.

Furthermore: Who will take care of her when your grandma experiences the rapid decline that inevitably comes at such an age? Or a household accident, fall, etc.? Behind everything could be, instead of greed for money (what exactly could a married-in person get here?), simply not wanting to have to provide care temporarily if something happens and no nursing home place is yet organized.

In the end, your grandma has to declare her will, and it would be advantageous if this happens in the presence of both parties, so that not everyone always only hears what the other person wants them to understand at other times when he talked to grandma.

The last shirt just doesn’t have pockets. But apparently, these monetary things are pretty important to you in the relationship with your grandparents

I don’t quite understand the connection. Old shirts? I’ve already said that we don’t need the money. But it is important to me that my grandparents aren’t ripped off, yes. Especially not by scoundrels. :P

So far, the culprit hasn’t said anything about grandma having to go to a nursing home.

That’s exactly the point. Because you can’t stand him, you assume that he is sending your grandma to a nursing home. Maybe your grandma and your aunt like him anyway. Maybe the two of them take care of your grandma more than you can judge from 500 km away. Besides, I hardly believe he would inherit, but rather your aunt.

And since you call me a greedy little fool
No, I did not ask my parents for support regarding the house. On the contrary. I had considered offering my parents or grandparents an interest-bearing loan analogous to the bank’s loan interest rate (at the time 2.9%), so that I would get better financing and my parents a good investment. Actually a win-win for both.
The risk then would have been that they insisted on an interest-free loan or even gave a grant. I didn’t want that, so I discarded the idea. So much for the greedy little fool topic.

But on the other hand: Even if you find out that your grandma wants to freely decide about her care and is even able to do so: How are you going to enforce that if someone who is much closer opposes you? Your options are very limited.

I’m afraid that’s difficult, you are right.

Besides: Who takes care when your grandma experiences the rapid decline that inevitably comes at such an age? Or if there’s a household accident, fall, etc.? Behind all this, apart from greed for money (how exactly would someone married in have anything to gain here?), it could also be that someone doesn’t want to have to care temporarily if something happens and no nursing home place has yet been arranged.

He is not married in - just to make that clear. So I have just cared for my mother for 2 years until her death. We did everything ourselves. But we were also offered a nursing service. They come multiple times a day if necessary. I thought there would be something similar for my grandma as well.

In the end, your grandma has to express her will and it would be advantageous if this happens in the presence of both parties, so that not everyone only hears at other times what the other supposedly understood when they talked to grandma.

Well do you think my grandma will tell me she doesn’t want to go to a home and then say something different to the two of them? I can’t imagine that.

And since you call me a greedy little fool No, I did not ask my parents for support regarding the house. On the contrary. I had considered offering my parents or grandparents an interest-bearing loan analogous to the bank’s loan interest rate (back then 2.9%), so that I would have better financing and my parents would get a good investment. Actually a win-win for both. The risk, however, would have been that they insisted on an interest-free loan or even gave a subsidy. I did not want that, so I discarded the idea. So much for being a greedy little fool.

Haha, loan. Sure. ...

Hehe, you didn’t understand at all. I’m not calling you that – I just wanted to make it clear how stupid it is to be accused of greed. And look how long your need to explain suddenly is.

But we were also offered a care service. They come several times a day if necessary. I thought that would be the case with my grandmother too.

Knowledge would be better here than belief.

Well do you think my grandmother tells me she doesn't want to go to a home and then tells them something different? I can't imagine that.

My opinion is that older people are generally less stress-resistant and to avoid stress, often prefer not to take a clear position on questions that contradict the questioner's stance. I've seen that more often than the famous stubbornness of old age. Even in significantly younger elderly people.

What you can imagine does not necessarily have to be what is. You are also much more dependent on your imagination due to lack of contact time.