Planning house construction and considering the desire for children

That is exactly the error in the assumption! Where do you get the certainty that the woman in the relationship can become pregnant immediately after stopping the pill? Where do you get the certainty that the child will be born healthy? Where do you get the certainty that the child will develop according to the usual average? Such questions could be spun on endlessly.

I would like to clarify this properly because that is not what I mean by "planning security." I understand it as the foundation on which one can start a family with the necessary confidence. In plain terms: completed education, both with permanent contracts, a sufficient income, and last but not least, the firm inner conviction of being ready for such a task. For some, this is already the case in their early twenties, for us only in our early/mid-thirties, and for others even later. Everything else, like quick pregnancy, health status, and the child's development, can indeed hardly be influenced; you have to take it as it comes.

The life paths of my wife and me have been rather unstable (studies, long-distance relationship, job changes, fixed-term contracts, an employer’s insolvency, knee surgery, etc.); in short, we have only recently been in a position to have a clear head for topics like children or building a house. I am firmly convinced that today, with the often high professional demands, one should not have too many open projects at the same time in life if one wants to maintain physical and mental health. And therefore the decision: first house building, then family planning.

We also know the local discussion all too well from relatives and friends, and it is pretty much always the same: Those who were taken on immediately after their training and were quickly equipped with plum jobs in their large companies naturally start at the latest by the end of their twenties and cannot understand how someone can still be trying to stabilize their life at 31 or 32. But that just exists.

Those who were taken on directly after training and quickly given cushy jobs in their large companies naturally start at the latest by the end of their twenties

But your perspective also partly depends on your attitude. When we decided to try to have a child, the situation was that my husband had just finished his legal clerkship but was only employed there for another six months, and I was still working on my master's thesis. So there was no such thing as permanent jobs... not even today... but we simply didn't want to wait "just because of that" until we were over 30. If necessary, we would have gotten by with several mini-jobs or something similar.

In my opinion, at least some kind of desire for children is needed, meaning the feeling that you would like to have a child. Until recently, I didn’t have that at all. It was more like "nice, but even nicer if you can give the screaming child back."

What good is it if everything fits in your mid-twenties, but you don’t have this inner need at all?

Your perspective also somewhat depends on your attitude. When we decided to try to have a child, the situation was that my husband had just finished his trainee teacher phase but was only employed there for another half year, and I was still working on my master's thesis. So there were no permanent jobs... not even today... but we didn’t want to "just wait" until we are over 30. In a worst-case scenario, we would have managed with several mini-jobs or something similar

I have a lot of respect for such courage. I absolutely mean that seriously. However, it wouldn’t be something for us. When we were looking for a new apartment, we visited several unfamiliar apartments of young families during our viewing tour, and I found it shocking the kind of chaotic conditions some of them live (have to live) in. Pull-out sofa beds in the living room, cramped and completely cluttered children’s rooms, changing tables in the middle of the hallway, shoes and toys scattered everywhere, etc. We vowed never to live in a rental apartment with children. Children grow and then quickly need more space. Only, it’s not so easy at the moment to quickly find something new in the desired area. Furthermore, I am not a fan at all of kindergarten and school changes, which are often inevitable when moving from a rental apartment to a family home. I went through that myself enough as a child, and it didn’t do me any good. I’d like to spare my child that.

that is all completely understandable and also your good right. From your experiences and from this thread, it should have simply become clear that your attitude / need for security does not necessarily correspond to that of a large part of society. So let's establish what we actually already knew before: everyone should please do as they wish. Others do it differently and may also have opinions about differently minded people. I wish you that with the obviously existing desire for children, the circumstances will soon be right and you will then soon be blessed with offspring.

I have great respect for so much courage. I mean that absolutely seriously. However, it wouldn’t be for us. When we were looking for a new apartment, we visited some unfamiliar apartments with young families during our viewing tour, and I found it shocking in what chaotic conditions some of them live (have to live). Pull-out sofa bed in the living room, cramped and completely cluttered children's rooms, changing table in the middle of the hallway, shoes and toys scattered everywhere, etc. We vowed never to want to live with children in a rental apartment. Children grow up and then quickly need more space. Only it is currently not so easy to quickly find something new in the desired location. Furthermore, I am not a fan of kindergarten and school changes at all, which are often unavoidable when moving from the rental apartment to the family home. I had to experience that myself as a child more than enough, and it didn’t do me any good. I would gladly spare my child that.

We’ll talk then when you have children whether everything in the house is still nicely sterile