Planning house construction and considering the desire for children

If a child with Down syndrome comes along, you have no right to complain.

But I wouldn't wish it on anyone!!!

Or if the child later becomes a total failure in terms of social skills like HilfeHilfe!

Rarely have I read something so contemptible.

Now don’t play the victim. Yes, there are such cases, but you talked about first earning money with the job, then building overpriced, and then finally having children after 40.

The "know-it-alls" here don’t say that having children after 40 is bad per se. Yes, there are partners or health reasons. But I don’t accept it just because of career and property. If a child with Down syndrome then comes along, you can’t complain.

But I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!!!

Then you better read carefully again what I actually wrote.

For us personally, a conscious family planning starting only at 40 is also not an option – we will try to still somehow take advantage of the Baukindergeld.
But if it only works at 40, then that’s just how it is. Seriously, I’m happy for everyone whose life has gone straight as an arrow so far and who had planning security at 25, but I also expect a certain amount of awareness that not everyone is that lucky. Even if only because it simply didn’t fit so far due to the job. If today you want children and homeownership, you cannot neglect the financial aspect.

So HilfeHilfe is certainly not the embodiment of social skills here, but he is (at least partly) unfortunately not wrong. It is actually the case that from around the mid-30s onward, both the chance of a woman becoming pregnant at all rapidly decreases and at the same time the risk that the child is not healthy significantly increases. Unfortunately, it does not matter whether someone consciously or due to other circumstances only tries to have children so late... nature makes no distinction. And whether one leaves it at that or tries with the help of today's medicine to have a healthy child is something everyone must decide for themselves.

I eventually came to the realization that you CAN’T wait to start a family until everything "fits," because that will simply never be the case. Especially if you have a job where you are not easily replaceable, there is practically never an opportunity to take a break (because of a child) where the employer says, great, exactly now. The environment (a suitable partner) has to be right instead, and then it is what it is, and the rest has to adjust. But you first have to come to that realization. For me, that happened around the age of 30; others may take longer. I also know someone with three children, all healthy, at 41, 43, and 45. It wouldn’t be my choice, but before that, the partner just didn't fit. Everyone simply has to find their own way.

I also have an acquaintance, three children, all healthy, at 41, 43, 45. It wouldn't be for me, but before that the partner just didn't fit. Everyone simply has to find their own way.

Your acquaintance should not be taken as a standard here. That only raises hopes. For many, it actually ends at 45, and the probability of becoming pregnant naturally after 40 is relatively low, as already 50% of the cycles are duds. Just because a person wants it or the circumstances aren't right around them, nature doesn't wait. Purely biologically, this is not an age to have children at the push of a button.

At the end of the day, children are pure selfishness anyway. Considering the current times and upcoming problems (ecological, political, economic), anyone must be completely crazy to bring children into the world. If you could ask the unborn, probably 9 out of 10 would say "No, thanks... I'd rather stay here in the curd... in the shop window."

I myself stand by this: I am a selfish person, and therefore the kids fit well into our life (besides, babies smell so good). If I weren't selfish, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this far in life.

Regards, Steffen