Planning house construction and considering the desire for children

First of all, I am very sorry that fate is hitting you so hard. That is terrible. I sincerely wish that you can adopt a child!

On the subject: basically, the cat is biting its own tail here. Nobody knows if and how many children he will have if he is still childless when building. It is always a game of poker. We already had our 2 children when we bought and my husband does not want a third and neither do I anymore. But if you are childless, you just have to guess somewhere what you will need later. Either you guess right or you are wrong up or down. If necessary, you build on or children have to share rooms or you have rooms left over; an office or guest room or hobby room or playroom has never hurt anyone. High costs due to an unfulfilled desire for children, whether through various fertilization options or through adoption, are a large item, that is true, but theoretically you could now also say that maybe existing children or a partner become seriously ill or have accidents and these illnesses/disabilities then also cost so much money that the family reaches its limits. In this respect, I think you just have to take a risk; but each of us takes this risk every day – life can end abruptly any day or the situation can turn around. There are so many options that you simply can never weigh and calculate them all.

You are right that there are many other things that can happen or where sudden financial difficulties can arise. My thought was that unemployment or inability to work might still be kept in mind, but problems with having children are thought of less often. At least that was the case with us. Two young healthy people, no one expects that. Then there was also an unfavorable insurance situation that made us practically self-payers. I thank you for your sympathy, fortunately I have gotten over the point of self-pity. This is just our bundle to carry. I am happy to be able to give a home to one (if it works two) child(ren) without a family

Who knows what the future holds. Number of children, illness, accidents – none of this is predictable and sometimes you have to accept that things will be as they will. If necessary, sell and downsize or upsize.

You are still young, maybe there will be children. Foster children, adoption, your own (I know two people who tried everything and nothing worked. In their late 30s/early 40s it went smoothly).

I like the thread, Niloa! Thanks for your honesty!

It’s not just the number of rooms; the whole project depends on it. I think most people envision children running around in the garden when planning their house. Learning to ride a bike on the play street in front of the house, not having to rely on trash-strewn and shit-covered playgrounds (ok, this doesn’t really apply here), etc. All of that disappears without children. Fortunately, we have two small, healthy children and are only building now. On the other hand, the whole meaning and purpose would have been missing for me, because as a childless couple, I would have kept the flexibility of rental properties and preferred to treat myself to a loft in the center with a rooftop terrace, etc.

I think it is also psychological: you build the home for the family full of anticipation and then it remains with DINKs... and every time you think about what you actually dreamed of. Of course, you can repurpose the space, but that’s not even the point.

Now the suggestion came up here, bungalow floor plan with expansion reserve in the OG, then you can really react when the family grows.

A colleague had the opposite situation, he wanted two children's rooms (ok, a third was planned), plus a study and guest room. There were two children, now the surprise came: twins. Now he also has to rearrange.

I am also planning with 2 children's rooms (or rather, they are built) – and that as a childless single woman. In the end, you never really know. Partner yes/no, partner with fertility problems or my own, first child comes and then surprise twins... In the best case, both rooms are occupied by children, otherwise I have an office and a hobby room.