Maybe my advice from two weeks ago in another thread for a family with a similar offspring constellation will also help you:
I understand your hint to mean that we could plan two separate residential units on the two levels you suggested (building with a basement, waiving the 1st upper floor) (or at least plan the preliminary installation for a second, autonomous unit) in order to later be able to rent one unit out when less space is needed (children moving out).
However, I might also be missing something. The night with the twins was tough.
I might add that I advised against starting again in the middle of the process: so not in service phase 3. You wrote that you developed a concept with the architect. Based on that, I would make adjustments: how do the prices of the offers compare to the "target price"?
The target for the house providers was always 500,000 euros for building the house as a KfW 40 EE or NH house, the construction of the basement, and the turnkey furnishing of all three levels. The remaining budget of 50,000 euros was planned along with the funding for the groundwork, exterior facilities, and kitchen.
All providers stated in preliminary talks that this might just work. However, exact calculations would have to be done first.
In advance, we still saw some savings potential in outsourcing individual trades as well as by waiving the calculated sliding doors on the ground floor in the offers.
Our currently available offers range between 540,000 euros and 620,000 euros for the construction of the house taking into account our specifications. Exterior facilities and groundwork would come on top of this.
In our case, the architect did not invoice according to HOAI, but the construction company suggested agreeing on a chargeable planning contract. For this, the self-employed but regularly cooperating architect with the construction company held an onsite appointment with us on the plot and revised our plans in two further appointments. The costs were manageable and amounted to less than 1/6 of the amount for service phase 5, assuming a volume of 500,000 euros.
We are currently having our offers independently compared in terms of price-performance, as we lack the expertise to compare various wall constructions and to ascertain why which additional costs are justified where.
The resulting ranking would then also be used when creating an offer for another house design.
It is questionable whether the architect would plan further modifications or a completely new house design under the given conditions. My idea was to already do some preliminary planning so that her effort would hopefully remain limited again. I will definitely follow up to see if she is willing to "make adjustments."