Overwhelmed with a simple kitchen counter - who has an idea?

I also wash various things by hand; [Motivteller], pans, baking molds... But for everyday dishes, I love the dishwasher. And especially with the kids, I assume that only things that would survive the dishwasher are used in the kitchen anyway ;) But that is your decision. I will also start some considerations about the kitchen units in the next few days.

Unfortunately, I get annoyed when my things are treated disrespectfully. Due to a lack of better self-management in this respect, I eliminate a source of everyday annoyance.

But doesn’t it annoy you less when the boys pile dirty dishes in the sink and on the countertop in their new kitchens and only rinse out a cup when needed? Or is there a cleaning service? (serious question – if a cleaning lady comes once a week and does a thorough cleaning and washes the dishes, maybe that works)

And if the boys currently don’t manage to unload the dishwasher, do you think they will manage to wash all their dishes completely themselves later on? You know your kids better; it could be that they share your passion for hand washing :)

For heaven’s sake, I don’t want to convince you to get a dishwasher. If it’s not wanted, then not. What do the boys say about it anyway? Do they have special wishes for the kitchen? How high is the budget for a kitchen unit? Are there color/surface preferences?

For 2, washing up immediately is not a big deal,

This requires the same willingness from person 2 ;) Not everyone has that.

A friend takes the opposite approach and has 2 dishwashers in the kitchen. These are cheaper than the base cabinet and he never has to unload clean dishes. One is dirty, one is clean.

I have also thought about that. Because it is simply thought through consistently to the end.

Unfortunately, I get annoyed when my things are treated disrespectfully. Due to a lack of better self-management in this regard, I eliminate a source of everyday annoyance.

That was the answer to my question, but unfortunately I did not understand it... :(

Doesn’t it stop annoying you when the boys stack their dirty dishes in the sink and on the countertop in their new kitchens and only rinse out a cup when needed? Or is there a cleaning service?

No, each boy will have his own front door and can practice responsible behavior in his own household. It’s a different place, and I’m fine with that.
Of course, they will spend a lot of time in our part of the house – then our rules apply, no longer shared ones.
There will be cleaning assistance – but probably not regularly for the boys. You can overdo pampering. One manages very well, the other seems to have a deep aversion to any kind of free surfaces, including the floor.

What do the boys say about it anyway? Do they have particular wishes for the kitchen? What is the budget for a kitchenette? Are there color/surface preferences?

The boys are looking forward to their apartment and their peace in their own place. They don’t expect a dishwasher and (yet) have no special relationship with the "living place kitchen." Oven with microwave, fridge with freezer compartment, one would like a two-seat counter to sit at. The younger wants a "warm" style, the older currently prefers "industrial." I think for €3000 per kitchen one should get something reasonable, preferably less.
I consider a joint kitchen assembly with the boys a good and sensible idea.

Thanks for the input,
Max.

That was indeed the answer to my question, unfortunately I did not understand it... :(

Would you like to see a 1920s Art Deco teapot made of silver with ivory appliqué in the dishwasher? A cast iron pan that rusts and spreads rust residue on every piece of cutlery? Repairing the dishwasher every two years because something is clogged again?
I understand that it is my shortcoming. However, I can solve it...

Uhm no. But unsuitable things just don't go in there. If you obviously have a lot like that, it's simply not worth it. I still don't understand the trouble, or do you have people running around who would put cast iron in the dishwasher??