Banks for 110% financing

You neither know me nor my life, your conclusions are arrogant and presumptuous! I have been widowed for 13 years (and no, in your early 20s you don’t have life insurance that then protects you) and raised my son alone for 9 years, still studied debt-free and have now turned over every cent three times for a total of 15 years! I think I have worked very, very hard for my current income! And that within just 14 months it is not possible to save up huge amounts of equity, especially when important purchases are needed first, for example a car without which I basically couldn’t work, then that’s really none of your business!

And I'll say it again, we have a certain amount of equity, but precisely because things can break, we don't want to put it in there!

Calm down, buddy, caaalm down. She just wants to borrow money, and not even from you.

And the fact that within just 14 months you can’t save up enormous amounts of equity when important purchases are necessary first, for example a car without which I basically couldn’t work, is none of your damn business!

No one here has accused you of not having earned your money honestly. There was only grumbling that you don’t seem to take the hints at all outwardly. That you don’t yet have a big equity cushion is totally okay, but this can cause problems with the banks. They don’t really like >100% financing.
Effectively, no one can really help you here.

Your combined income looks good. However, it is difficult to estimate the fixed costs that go out monthly. You must also not forget that the banks calculate with flat rates, regardless of whether you actually spend that much or not.

Conclusion: Inform yourselves at the banks or through a financial broker or both, whether you have a chance for a construction loan.

From the perspective of a banker: Yes, your low equity can(!) become a problem in the financing consideration. However, it is understandable given the background you described. Furthermore, with your income, you belong to the better earners. As long as the family planning is complete – meaning the income does not "suddenly" drop due to parental leave, etc. – financing should be feasible. You just need to be prepared that for the part of the financing exceeding 80% of the loan-to-value ratio, the interest rate might not be very favorable. Overall, the blended interest rate from all components will nevertheless be good, especially in the long term comparison.

As others have already written: Go to a financial broker (Dr. Klein, Interhyp, Hüttig & Rompf, ...). Alternatively, I would also directly approach the two large private/commercial banks by name, Deutsche Bank and Commerzbank. Both have a reputation for considering cases more individually, which can be quite interesting for your background.

Thank you jtm80 for this finally helpful post! Yes, family planning is completed, my son is 15, I will be 37 this year, unfortunately it was not meant to be with the second child! I have contacted the local Dr. Klein advisor and will also keep an eye on the banks you mentioned! We do not have any extraordinary monthly expenses, at the moment there are just two rents and living costs due to the separate households (with the local rent level, together already 1500€ warm every month). My partner paid cash 20k for his car last year, so there is only the usual insurance there. Otherwise just the usual insurance, mobile phone, and what is regularly needed..