Would you build yourself again or use a developer?

The general contractor only offers a fixed price for the house. Ancillary construction costs such as earthworks, outdoor facilities, and connections are no longer the responsibility of the general contractor. These costs were estimated much too low.

Please tell me in more detail where the €40k or €80-90k come from. Sure, earthworks can sometimes cost a bit more, but that much? Connections come from the municipal utilities, so there shouldn’t be any surprises.

With a general contractor, you basically already have the all-round carefree package except for the land.

You have correctly incorporated the word "basically" into the sentence. Unfortunately, that does not apply to every general contractor; I believe there are just as many bad and questionable ones as anywhere else.

First of all, to the question.

Yes, I would build again (I have already completed an existing house without renovation and an existing house with core renovation). What I absolutely cannot imagine is building with a general contractor (GU) or even "worse" with a developer. Why? I don’t like to commit too much and put myself into someone else’s hands. Especially with a developer, you pretty much have to take whatever comes. Usually in the development area, it's the "Haus Gerda" or the "Stadtvilla Gudrun." I want to have my build in my own hands, coordinate it, be there when the house grows, and also have the possibility to implement spontaneous change requests. Furthermore, I also like to get hands-on myself.

The GU only makes a fixed price for the house. The ancillary construction costs such as earthworks, outdoor facilities, and connections are no longer the responsibility of the GU. These costs were estimated far too low.

But this ultimately means that the house will have the same price as if the developer had sold it to you (and for them, the ancillary construction costs would have been included in the purchase price). Because they would have calculated the ancillary construction costs properly (sorry, but you have to blame yourselves for these high amounts). The only difference is that you would have known it earlier = before signing the purchase contract.

Flat rates do not work either. There are houses built under individual trades contracts whose construction runs perfectly in terms of price and time. Or that end in a disaster. You also have this range with the GU or the developer. The forum is full of all examples.

These costs were estimated far too low.

So the classic with the little word "bauseits" ;)

I would most prefer to sell the house in 3 years and start over again by buying directly from the developer. I really have no desire for the builder stress anymore.

That's what you think now :-) but in 3 years more stress, when you just start to really enjoy the new house and the garden is thriving? Never ever :)

I believe that almost everyone who builds or renovates goes through the valley of tears. Some more, some less. But it will be a walk in the park for very few, or rather, I really don't know anyone for whom it is. Almost everyone also makes compromises, mainly due to the limited budget. Keep in mind, the stress will soon be over and then you will enjoy your own home!

That you are going through such a negative phase now, I am sorry.

Our general contractor (GU) calculated the house construction at €450k in 2020. With a bit of a buffer, the financing was based on that.

I stumbled across this right away...

The GU only provides a fixed price for the house.
Ancillary construction costs such as earthworks, outdoor facilities, and connections are no longer the GU's responsibility. These costs were estimated way too low.

Hmm, apparently you did not inform yourself well enough. When you buy a car, you google here and there, look at advantages, disadvantages, horsepower, innovative engine, where and how to get the best for your money. You listen to the car salesperson, but then you continue to research online. When people buy a vacuum cleaner, some spend more time and effort choosing the technology than they do selecting a GU. And then a house is built and overall fewer infos are gathered...

With today's prices, the additional costs will probably be €80k–90k, especially when the outdoor facilities and network/water connections are added. We will have to apply for additional financing then.

Yes, that roughly adds up; if you forget the earthworks and most ancillary construction costs, then kitchen and outdoor facilities...

Actually, we commissioned the GU to organize everything, but in the end, we are still the primary contact person (soil survey, unexploded ordnance detection, network/water connections, road closures, portable toilet).

Additionally, the whole stress with the building authority, building inspection, neighbors, and utility providers through which we had to make many compromises during planning.

Honestly, I don’t understand that it is so burdensome. You are not talking about disasters that others have experienced or are currently experiencing.
Somehow, you do get instructions from the GU: “this is needed,” “you still have to do that...” There are also lots of beautiful things on the other side, wonderful moments that are lasting. For example, the first groundbreaking, the digger rolling in, the first sweeping of the shell, selecting finishes...

I would most like to sell the house in 3 years and start over again, buying directly from the developer. I really have no desire for more building stress.

Why? Then your felt frustration is for nothing and your perceived circumstances too.

With a net household income of €4000, we are slowly reaching our limits, as long as my wife is not a civil servant.

Yes, the household income is too low for the house... but we also don’t know enough about the house. Surely there would have been some ways to cut back and adjust. But the positive thing is that it will increase eventually.

Could also live relaxed in a bigger apartment without being tied to anything?

But that would be a completely different way of life: you have to grow into a homeowner role just like a permanent tenant role. You should reflect and think about that—calmly, perhaps with a glass of wine with your wife... what if... and what would it be like in 10 years?? It seems to me that you are dissatisfied with the house now. Instead, I would internalize the word peace for you. And think about it again, bring back why you guys built it in the first place.
I assume you are still quite young?!
Regarding your question:
I would build again and also with a GU. Or an architect. Probably more the GU: we had all freedoms during the selection of finishes. We had no unaffordable wishes and experienced the house construction positively despite spontaneous stressful episodes. It was a long, ongoing event with highs and lows. And after almost 8 years, I am still proud of our house, even if it has flaws. And at the time, we were very proud homeowners. I never want to miss that feeling in my life. Had we bought a developer’s house, it would have been more expensive, because all ancillary costs are included anyway. But on top of that, we would certainly have paid extra for some special wishes. And the real estate transfer tax would have significantly reduced our wallet.