Psychology of Buying / Overcoming

It reads as if the desire for ownership is definitely there. The fear/worry is also something positive, because for many, a bit more caution or hesitation would have prevented big mistakes that one later likes to rationalize. For me, "lone wolf" means nothing negative; I notice in myself that my need for peace and seclusion has changed. We had a house, now a fancy condominium, but somehow I still miss being able to walk out of the apartment onto a patch of grass, have a little fire in the garden, etc., and all the things you simply can't do even on a huge rooftop terrace. Therefore, now it's going to be a house for two. We didn't want classic new housing developments anymore, but the more one searched for the all-in-one miracle, the more one overlooked other important things. Now it turned out to be a small development again, but we are at the very end with a view into the countryside. To the front, we can "shield ourselves," which doesn't mean we dislike people, but privacy is absolutely important to me. Before, we were about to sign for a project with 4 units, but luckily the desire for absolute privacy stopped us. The fact that one often has to drive a bit further for such a plot never bothered me, because I absolutely have to feel comfortable in and around the house. I’m happy to pay this “price” again now. For me, it is such that I appreciate the person/people I build the house with, and then I don’t really care how they build, since nowadays the standard is very high anyway. After we found an apparently competent and friendly general contractor, it was clear that we would build with him. We don’t care whether it’s stone or wood construction. We build with this man and in the way he recommends! From the outset, however, we made it clear that we would like to plan calmly and maybe make adjustments to the plan more often - no problem. Maybe you should pay close attention to your privacy/peace, which is why a multi-family house or condominium would be out of the question for me, because people change... When you then have your own, possibly smaller build on a plot that suits you, you can gradually adapt it again to your needs. If you find a plot and a down-to-earth company with whom you genuinely connect on a human level, then have them build the house as they recommend. Your happiness will certainly not depend last on some calculated frills. You can change almost everything, but not your plot! Buying an existing property (single-family house) would of course also be a good option, but we found nothing that we liked.

I don't have much time right now, but I wanted to thank you already for your previous answers! The posts make me think. I will write more detailed this evening.

Here too, calmness helps to assume that no offer is unique. Along with the confidence to say: "I really like the property. However, I never agree spontaneously. I can decide in 5 days. With me, you will find a reliable buyer without later hassle with the financing – as you often read from stressed sellers*. Let’s give ourselves the time and everything will be fine." *Showing some doubt is sometimes very helpful. Consistently decline under pressure.

I can only recommend this approach. Whether it’s buying a kitchen, planning a floor plan, or anything else. As soon as someone pressures me, I immediately and irreversibly drop out. It is absolutely important to me with WHOM I do the project. Ideally, it should even be fun for the construction company to build your house because the house or you are different than what one is supposedly supposed to be. I could never build a house with someone I don’t like; it may sound strange but it’s true. Then I tend to grin when I see one or the other defect in execution because I know that mishap just happened to them. As long as you really remain maximally flexible and open-minded, there is no single dream house; if one doesn’t work out, something else will, and you yourself can always make something beautiful out of it.

Maybe it makes sense to first look for a building plot & buy it? Then at least I wouldn't have that pressure to decide? I could always sell the plot later, or would there be "ongoing major" costs?

I think this idea of yours is very good. I assume that it will first give you and your family a good feeling, knowing that you own the land (investment) and can build if you want to, but don't have to. Last year we bought a plot of land and the only ongoing costs are property tax (which is usually lower for undeveloped land than for developed land) and mowing the lawn 2-3 times a year (to avoid upsetting the neighbors). A company mows the lawn for us since we do not yet live in the area. Once you own the land, you can enjoy looking at houses during walks with friends and relatives whenever you feel like it, develop fantasies, clarify wishes, dream, etc., and gradually get so excited about a new house or the realization of your dreams that the fears decrease. In 2018, there were 15.8 million detached houses in Germany. They are well built and safe, people like you live in them and lead a perfectly normal life. So it’s nothing special, peculiar, or particularly demanding. On the way there, there are one or two challenges, but it will probably not be the first challenge in your life that you have mastered. Exams (graduation, driver's license, ...) I find worse. And the adventure of building a house is a piece of cake compared to the adventure of having a child.

Hello to you all again and thanks for the newly gained contributions.

So I will pull myself together next week and first of all finalize my budget with a bank advisor. So that everything becomes more concrete at first and then pursue the approach with the plot of land.

I think that is the core problem for me, that I can't see the forest for the trees and put pressure on myself where there actually doesn't need to be any. That way I can work my way into the whole topic step by step and build layer by layer. I already have a developer in mind, who at least are involved in many projects in the area or have completed them. Whether it fits on a personal level remains to be seen, but yes I also see that as an important factor. Building a house is also a matter of trust, no contracts can help with that. In the end, they are the firewall when the ground is already burned, but they should not be the motivation to want to build a decent house.

I’ll keep you updated

Exactly, one thing at a time. You are under no pressure.