hanghaus2023
2024-09-26 16:09:21
- #1
I misread that: Credit bank and parents 443k. I had attributed that solely to the parents, my mistake.How do you figure?
I misread that: Credit bank and parents 443k. I had attributed that solely to the parents, my mistake.How do you figure?
Woman 30 years old, no children, the desire to build a house succeeded but the desire to have children did not? - the described situation is "not un"usual.I would like to hear independent opinions from outsiders regarding a possible divorce.
My wife, 30, and I, 36 years old, no children, both working full-time, moved into our new house at the beginning of the year. We have done a lot of it ourselves and currently have two (three) loans running together. For about 2 years she has unfortunately been suffering from a moderate depression and is also in therapy, but for the past 2 months she has been questioning everything towards me and apparently doesn’t even know what she wants herself. From my gut feeling, I think she might want to separate, even though I absolutely don’t want that. But on the other hand, the whole thing worries me so much that I need a view/opinion once to be able to assess the situation.
We have also been married for almost 1 year and have a marriage contract that clearly regulates that capital brought in from inheritances, real estate, etc. (especially concerning her side) is not taken into account for joint assessment/accrued gains.
Below are the framework parameters.
No one has to find out, as long as the loans are running.if one of you drops out of the loan.
This means that you would have to pay your wife the equity plus her own contributions (down payment). In the few months you lived there, you made no significant repayments (I assume), so the payments can be considered a rent-like burden. If you go to the bank and speak frankly to get another €100,000, it may cause you trouble. It is better to stay silent. However, the parents are already financially burdened, and I cannot imagine that your wife is willing to wait forever for her money. The question you should ask yourself: do you want to keep 180 sqm, even though it was the shared nest-building?We contributed about €200,000 in equity and here in equal parts.
Your wife certainly does too! And honestly: the emotional value doesn’t feed you, nor does it necessarily make you happy in the long term if you can only experience it alone, it can consume you, make you feel lonely, and a future partner will not necessarily appreciate that there is already something with the soul of another.but I am also currently seeing the amount of personal effort and especially an emotional value for me, to be honest.
Woman, 30 years old, no children, building wish succeeded but desire for children not? – the described situation is "not un"usual.
It might even heal the relationship if the house is sold again and a new nest is sought together.
In the case of a divorce, a partition auction would be likely. Preventing this by paying her off is a big effort for you and afterwards you would remain in exactly the house where moving in with a child did not succeed. That would be almost like siding with fate "against her." You should rather strive together for a (although financially also not without scratches) "free sale" (or a rental, but move out of the shared house into a shared we-stay-together nest). Then the message is "the reason for your depression brings and does not separate" aka love.
For this advice I need no parameters, this is not a math problem.
First of all, my sincere condolences. I have relevant experience and can only say that you should above all seek help for yourself if you notice that you are reaching your psychological limits now.
If you still want it yourself, these are already good conditions. Very important is the realization that it does not depend solely on you to "heal" your wife or save the relationship.
Also very important is that she is in therapy and sticks with it. Otherwise, you can only always signal to her that you are there and accept her. Do not convey pressure or expectations, no disappointment. I do not really see couple therapy as helpful at this point yet.
And as I said, seek help either with a self-help group for relatives or your own therapist (easier said than done).
That depressed people would take the step of separation would be rather unusual; they are not particularly decisive and do not have the energy to tackle such things.
This is not a guarantee, but I actually want to suggest that you end such thought games like this thread here as soon as possible.
1. It changes your mindset and attitude, possibly subconsciously, and not positively with regard to the relationship.
2. If your wife notices this, you deliver the death blow to the last bit of trust.
To your question I can only say that you still have enough time in case, for example, you still have to await the separation year before the divorce really happens.
I wish you all the best!
I can relate to that 1:1. It is super difficult, but you have to realize that it is not directed against yourself. The person is just currently occupied with something else or simply unable to engage with something external. "The soul curls up." I have managed to internalize this somewhat, but it is still hard for me repeatedly when you are in that moment. That is why a self-help group or even group therapy for relatives might not be a bad idea. You also get a spot more quickly there. It simply helps to be able to talk about it yourself with unbiased people.Sometimes it is extremely hard for me when you are sitting opposite a person who is otherwise so lovable, but who practically shows/can show no feelings and comes across as quite cold overall. Without personal experience, I think it is hard to imagine how much such an illness can change a person.