Sell the house or keep it alone in case of a theoretical divorce?

Didn't you have any starting capital before the marriage that you invested in the house?

Then the sale would be an occasion for both parties to get the maximum price out of the house.

But what if the woman does not want to sell?

Did you not have any starting capital before the marriage that you invested in the house?

Yes, each of us invested the €67,000 equity. Or how is the question to be understood?

Your initial assets belong to you. Those of your wife belong to her. Did you both really have the same initial assets before the marriage?

I found out two weeks ago that she is having an affair with a fellow patient whom she knows from therapy. She herself is no longer sure about her feelings; as of now, according to her, a separation is out of the question. Contact with the affair partner is to continue according to her because it helps her a lot with the illness.

At the moment, I don't want to give up completely yet, but the overall situation is very stressful right now and separation is definitely on the table.

I have done some research and would currently estimate the house at a realistic sales value of €650,000 to €700,000. Basically, from my point of view, only two real options remain:

1. Joint sale: I think the further path is clear
2. She buys me out (which is financially feasible for her) and I get a clear cut for myself and can start "anew."

So: currently, the woman does not even recognize herself as the one her husband married fairly recently; she does not really want to trade him for the therapy fellow patient. The man, on the other hand, is more afraid than patriotic, worried that the marriage has not promoted him up the real estate ladder compared to his pre-marriage self. She therefore married a fair-weather friend who does not stand by her in rough seas, but only wants to "half give up," i.e., Mr. Wrong. However, she can afford to buy him out. Then she should find a trusted person to negotiate this buyout with Mr. Wrong and market the property on the open market instead of auctioning it. The original poster should not cry over having to do a lap in his homeownership career. In my opinion, SHE comes out of the failed marriage project more disappointed than HE does.

Jürgen456, according to your current "report," seemingly not much has changed for the better on your part. What jumps right out at me from your text is that you apparently do not want to see the reality that has occurred and are working yourself up over the "side issue" of the house. The reality is that your wife has left you and is with another man, which you mistakenly declare as a mutually agreed "pause," perhaps because the clearly visible reality is too painful.

Officially, we are not separated, but have first ordered ourselves a "pause" with separate bedrooms, everyone doing their own thing, etc.

These are word plays, because in fact she has permanently cheated on and lied to you and is already in another relationship. Ergo, you are no longer a couple and do not have a "pause." You want to obediently wait in the corner until the other man or your wife is no longer interested in adventures or they run out of steam elsewhere. You should value yourself more and finally find the courage to end what is already broken from your side as well, which your wife has obviously already done.

I found out two weeks ago that she is having an affair with a fellow patient whom she knows from therapy. She herself is no longer sure of her feelings; as of now, according to her, a separation is not an option. Contact with the affair is to remain, according to her, because it helps her a lot with the illness.

You allow yourself to be told that this nasty betrayal is practically a therapeutic necessity. Jürgen, I do not believe it! You must be an extremely understanding and calm person, but do you really not see this? It is infinitely mean and downright evil of her. One can separate or fall in love again—that is all human—but this here is a very nasty and rotten thing. She has also done one of the dumbest things one can do in such therapy, namely to begin a relationship with a fellow patient (also damaged and in need of help). This is usually strictly forbidden by the therapist and can lead to the termination of therapy. In therapy, one is supposed to engage deeply with oneself and one's own issues. A new, euphoric love affair does only the opposite, and the man is in the same situation and thus no less stupid for him. Such people should have to pay for this therapy themselves. From experience, these relationships fail spectacularly because you had a reason for such therapy, and this reason is then taken unprocessed into the next relationship. Ouch, you should quickly take cover here. Dear Jürgen, get help, which you have already urgently been advised here, because you are apparently currently in a dilemma. That is not bad and solvable, but you yourself apparently cannot get out of it right now. All these number games here are completely pointless because they assume that your wife wants to find a solution with you on equal footing and fairly. Maybe you are lucky, but experience and the extreme circumstances you described scream loudly that you are currently being shown up and exploited while you want to be good and decent yourself. You are very convenient for her because you do not take care of yourself and allow yourself to be humiliated like this. My urgent advice would be: find a lawyer and get divorced as soon as possible because this marriage is already ended one-sidedly; at the same time, get the maximum financially for yourself and your further life. Your wife will justifiably do the same, and the lawyers will find a workable middle ground. You cannot solve this alone and like this; I don’t believe that, and ultimately you will be the fool. If later—and very unlikely—you want to get together with this woman again, you can theoretically do so, but break free from this damned and depressing situation that no one should put up with. The house is just a house, just an object; another woman will not want this house with you. Start over, it will bring you unexpected opportunities; you also have good financial conditions, and you will find a person again who treats you well, meaning fairly, and not as is happening now. This is not a math problem; the problem lies in your fear of seeing reality and taking the necessary steps. You are not supposed to argue unnecessarily or take revenge but to be brave and finally care for yourself and your own future with self-respect, which will definitely happen with another woman. Better nothing than this—in the end, you will become depressed, and that happens very fast!!!