Unfortunately, such discussions usually quickly slip into extremes, as if there were only the caring model parents on one side and the selfish child-haters on the other; there is currently an interesting book on this topic by the generational researcher Rüdiger Maas.
If you offer your children their own house as a "home," they will already experience a significant quality of life just from that alone. If you give them enough time and attention as well as the opportunity to truly develop freely, most of the work is already done. Exactly that many children today are no longer allowed to do, because there are clear, tangible guidelines and expectations from parents, combined with those of peers competing at the same age. How one can burden their children so heavily with such statements and weigh them down with guilt is beyond me; I know numerous young people who tell me that they, for example, have to finish their studies quickly and well because their parents are paying for it and therefore have to make sacrifices. And just like that... the children are no longer free, also because parents like to keep their children tied to them for as long as possible.
The current fact that there is virtually no parental (and always audible for the children) planning mentality without a university degree seems to me at least completely unrealistic and also an overreach on the children, because with such "requirements" no other idea than studying can develop; everything less than that is virtually not worth living or insufficient, what nonsense!
My son, who graduated high school with top grades, dropped out of two degree programs without our knowledge and still doesn't have a degree, which initially shocked us. Today, he has his own small business and is thriving. The second child, after a "crash" etc., eventually "recovered" from the gymnasium through a few detours and is now in a top position that nobody could have imagined, but above all, both are doing well personally and we have a great relationship.
Due to divorce and other circumstances, there were no additional funds for studies; they had BaföG and student loans. We felt very bad about that because many children received significant funds.
Why the very simple and luxurious option of student loans is not used nowadays is beyond me because why shouldn’t and couldn't a young person invest in their own qualification and then repay it later from their higher salary, WITHOUT having to meet sometimes excessive hopes/wishes of the parents or being grateful for life? It remains: without my parents, I wouldn’t have made it – simply sad for the children.
It is always a question of how and why, and if I explain the situation or my perspective to my children and make it understandable to them, I see no problem in one path any more than in the other.
I still have plenty to do with young people and can therefore recognize for myself that more financial support does not necessarily lead to more personal development and stability. Rather, I experience that many young people have problems maintaining the previous standard of living as adults, which often drives them back into (partially secretly desired by the parents) dependence; but that should actually be the opposite goal.
I find it interesting how many people say that children have to manage that by themselves.
The fact is that a degree in the case of initial education currently must be co-financed by the parents, even at fairly low incomes.
If they do not do so, the children can legally demand it. Whether the family break caused by the statement "I had to do it myself too" can be justified is something each person must decide for themselves.
I absolutely agree with you when referring to what is legally required. So if you had to "force" your parents to assert your right, you did the right thing; it’s still sad though. Just as it is often forgotten the other way round that one has duties towards their parents and no entitlement to things (money, property...) during their lifetime. Both sides should respect their duties here as well, then everything will be fine again!
Grandpa tells war stories… has never harmed anyone.
Sorry, a downright cynical comparison. My father was in the war and, like most other sufferers, unfortunately told nothing about the war and the suffering, which would certainly have been better for us as a family and children. Nevertheless, I enjoyed an absolutely modern and open-minded upbringing for those times, something that many parents nowadays would first have to emulate under these luxury conditions. The values conveyed back then should be considered just as much as newer findings on the subject of upbringing. Neither was everything better before nor is it better today; I always like to advocate for Loriot’s "stone gray."
By today’s common standards, we would have been negligent parents; however, the relationship with our children, as well as their professional AND personal development, is quite decent despite our apparently inadequate support; sometimes we pity those parents who today often vainly demand a certain kind of thanks from their children that is not really owed to them.
My recommendation: Don’t let your hairstyle be messed with or unsettled and follow your own healthy common sense; what really matters for the children is certainly not counted in euros!!!