Helpers from the family, friends, and acquaintances circle

We have been renovating for 10 weeks and thanks to good friends and family we have had at least one or more helpers every weekend for a few hours. BUT: We hardly ever actively ask who has time. We told people we appreciate help, but it’s not necessary and whoever wants to can come – we are always there anyway (at least one of us, since we have two small children). I do most of it alone because my husband works full time and right now I simply have more time during the week. And I get the best progress done alone anyway; I accomplish much more. We also help friends with their houses or moves and so on, that’s not a question. But I can fully understand anyone who doesn’t constantly show up. We still have 7 weeks ahead of us and we’ll see how much help comes. I think you absolutely should not plan for or demand it.

Here is a report of my experience. Of course, it only reflects our very specific circumstances and is not applicable to everyone.

We also do a bit of work ourselves.
- Cladding the eaves (cornice box)
- Installing interior window sills
- Installing the side entrance door in the garage
- Complete drywall work
- Painting and laying floors
- Installing interior doors
- here and there a few little things not worth mentioning

So overall, naturally not that much.

So far, the first three tasks are completely done, we are currently working on the drywall (initially only insulating the wooden beam ceiling, vapor barrier, battens; the drywall boards will come later). So far, I can't complain. My family, that is my father, mother, and brother, are very helpful and always ready when there is something to do. Always! We have a very good relationship and are very close.

My father is an early retiree but still relatively fit, very ambitious, hardworking, and extremely skilled in craftsmanship. He basically spends more time at the construction site than my husband or I. He is no longer fully employed (only has a 400-euro part-time job besides his early retirement) and is often already at the construction site in the mornings or before noon and also helps in the afternoons/evenings when we come home from work. He often does many things on his own initiative, without my husband or me being there. Without him, we would be lost. My brother is also always on site after work when help is needed, and my mother takes care of food and so on... Under these circumstances, I cannot say that doing work ourselves is not worthwhile:

- Cladding the eaves: The pre-cut material was delivered by the carpenter. The rest was done ourselves. So painting, installing the substructure, closing the eaves, filling seams, painting again. Time required: about 20-25 hours. Cost: Only the material + an invitation to a meal for the helpers. Savings: about 900 €. Duration: We took 5 days from start to finish, but of course not every day or full-time every day. Number of helpers: Painting only my husband and me, filling seams only my father, installing the constructions with 4 people.

- Installing interior window sills: The window sills cut to size on measurement were delivered. My father installed them alone in a few hours in one day while my husband and I were at work. Time required: approximately 4-6 hours, I can’t say exactly as I wasn’t there. Costs: Only the material + an invitation to a meal for the hardworking father. Savings: I cannot specify exactly since we did not have a quote for installation. Probably in the low to mid three-digit range.

- Installing the side entrance door: My husband and my father did this together (my father also did this professionally in the past). Time required: I don’t remember exactly, about 1-2 hours?! Costs: Only the material. Savings: I can’t specify exactly either, estimated around 150 - 200 €.

- Drywall: We are still working on this. Material was delivered by the specialist trade. We have to insulate the entire floor ceiling upstairs etc. (town villa). Start: last Sunday. Today, after 6 days, 2/3 of the work is done. And we haven’t worked every day. Sunday about 8 hours, Monday about 8 hours, Tuesday none, Wednesday 6-7 hours, Thursday 4 hours. Cutting and installing the insulation was mostly done by my father alone at midday, in the afternoon/evening my father, brother, husband, and I together installed the vapor barrier, taped it and installed the battens. The times mentioned above include the hours my father worked alone on insulation. The scheduled time until the interior plasterer arrives is until the end of next week. However, we expect to finish already this weekend. Total duration from start to finish: exactly 1 week. Depending on how much we do this weekend, maybe 2-3 days more. Costs: Only the material + catering for the helpers and a lot of gratitude. Savings: Our architect calculated a labor cost savings of 4000 € for the entire drywall work (including installing drywall boards, etc.). How realistic that is, I don’t know.

I must say, however, that all these things would have looked different without my father. He really goes all out. He does the main part of the work. And he does it very gladly for us. He has always been very helpful. My brother as well, as is my mother (who, however, cannot really help with physical work due to health reasons). I know we can rely on my family. That is why we do it this way. Without my family, we probably wouldn’t have dared to do so much work ourselves. I know I can count on my family, and that if necessary, they would dedicate every free minute to it. Of course not for months on end, that’s clear. But repeatedly for certain phases. So this arrangement works for us. Since we only do individual trades ourselves anyway, which are not tightly scheduled one after the other. We would not have done this with a complete interior fit-out; I would not have wanted to ask that of my family!

On the other hand, we have not involved any friends at all. That was too risky for me. That is something different for me. With family you have a completely different relationship – at least in our case. We also didn’t ask any friends. We prefer to keep them completely out. At least with the current tasks. Later, when it comes to laying floors and painting and there is no "time pressure" (due to waiting for follow-up trades), they can sometimes help if they want (some have offered their help). Sometimes! Not all the time!

Although we didn’t ask my family either. That wasn’t necessary at all. They appeared at the site quite naturally and pitched in. No need to ask.

As I said: personal experience report. Doing work yourself MUST be carefully considered, I agree with that. Anyone who does not have the "right" environment of selfless, time-unrestricted helpers should rather leave it, I agree with that too. I also agree that you should not generally expect that helpers always have time and/or feel like it and that doing work yourself can be a lengthy process. It always depends on the individual case.

I think your family ties are good

a little about us: 2 brothers and 1 sister all taken and childless. Parents who are both early retirees.

No help, 0, 0 nothing

It can also go the other way around

Off Topic:

I know that I can consider myself very lucky. My parents and my brother are simply great and always there for me (just as I am for them). Not only when it comes to help with building the house.

On my husband's side, however, there is hardly/no help. It doesn't have to be, no one HAS to help. It's a pity, of course, all the same. There is not even any interest in the house or in us, and I find that "worse." Not with the house construction. Not at the wedding or any other time. No help. No interest. Never. You can't change that. Some families are just like that, and fundamentally there's nothing wrong with it. It's just that I don't know it that way at all, and I don't want it like that. And I feel sorry for my husband. He sees what MY family does for all of us and also for him as an individual. And then he sees that nothing comes from his family, not even interest. That sometimes makes him sad.

It is always a calculation factor, especially when the bank, as in many cases, includes €20,000 of personal contribution in the loan. By the way, they assume about €50 per hour for helper services, which is saved compared to the professional company. That makes 400 hours, which you have to break down for the bank for the €20,000.

I don’t chase anyone; although we do a lot on our acquired old building, not everything. We have windows, roof, and electrical work each done by a professional company.

The electrician said while measuring (complete new electrical system, 3 floors with 60 sqm each) that if possible, we should do the old wiring, chases, and new wiring ourselves to save high costs. In the later offer, these works made up just €1,700 of the €11,000(!), so the electrical company wants to send 2 apprentices to do that. If it had been €5,000 or more, there would be no question, but like this...

The interior finishing, laying tiles, plastering walls, drywall, for example, is done for us by a Pole who has already done these jobs perfectly several times for acquaintances. He is good and cheap, and also works on invoice.

Before I mess up drywall myself because I can’t do it, I’d rather have someone who knows what they’re doing do it and thus is 3 times faster. Besides, I have no desire to look at crooked walls or tilted tile joints for 30 years...

What I can do: lay water pipes, build bathrooms (without tiles), possibly install interior doors, wallpaper, paint. If it actually makes sense at the start of the renovation (from about October) to lay electrical wiring myself (without connection) and install switches, then I’ll just do that myself too.

I am 45 years old, and by chance we got the house cheaply through family; before that, we had actually shelved the idea of owning a home. We also have to see how much we can still do on the house alongside our main jobs. The construction financing has enough room and is calculated as if almost everything would be done by companies.

As far as help from friends/family is concerned: whoever comes can help, but we won’t beg for it...

PS: are you sure your relationship will survive the renovation?? Doesn’t sound like your husband would be much help. Sorry if I interpret it that way...

I would now also like to briefly share my experiences.

The few helpers from the family had extensive craftsmanship experience, so together we were able to accomplish things that I either would not have done alone or would have done poorly.

Especially for the painting work, we had numerous friends on board who supported us 1-2 times on various weekends. The conclusion is somewhat sobering. While my wife and I usually spent 10-12 hours at the construction site, the helpers often lost interest after 3-4 hours. My expectations (and also the promises of the helpers) had been much higher. Unfortunately, the friends, like me, are absolute amateurs, so the quality of the work can be described as very mediocre. It was mainly about masking, priming, and painting. Surfaces were patchy, paint was sometimes smeared around, leaving corresponding splashes on the wall, ceiling, and floor, masking was done poorly, so rework was necessary, sometimes too much paint was used (unsightly paint textures), sometimes too little paint (uneven coverage), etc. In the end, I was so busy giving work instructions, cleaning up messes, doing rework, providing food, etc., that the added value from the friends' help was much less than expected.

Maybe I am too picky in some areas, but it is supposed to look nice after all. I always think to myself that I would also put effort into their place and try to achieve the best result.

In the end, of course, I am glad that we didn’t have to do everything alone and could enjoy physical relief as well as some camaraderie. But my expectations were set far too high. Regarding stamina, speed, quality, and reliability, one should probably not assume the same of oneself but rather consider any help from friends as a "nice-to-have."