Financing framework for new construction on own land, 3 children, civil servant A13, Hamburg

So:

1) Everyone here in the forum replies to help the questioner. It is the threadstarter himself who wants to accept the answers only according to his own conditions and rather stew in his own juice.
2) The great advantage of an anonymous forum is that you have to pay much less attention to sensitivities than is the case in real life with friends and acquaintances. Another advantage is also capturing perspectives outside one's own bubble, which immensely helps to question so-called "self-evident truths" from time to time.
3) The support here in the forum has always extended to all levers of construction financing, which are: a) costs of the construction project, b) other living expenses, c) income situation

In a), the OP is quite modest, but possibly tends to imagine some restrictions more rosy than they are. Also, he does not seem to sufficiently realize that the needs of adolescents and toddlers differ fundamentally, and his current construction project therefore largely ignores the former.
In b), the OP is unremarkable at first glance. On closer inspection, it is noticeable that while some items are significantly lower than usual (mobility, vacation), other items (donations) are significantly higher. In other threads, it is completely normal and accepted to point out this saving potential. Why should donations be sacrosanct in this case?
In c), it is usual that income is sugarcoated. This is always pointed out harshly, almost brutally. Now we have the exceptional situation that the income could be increased comparatively easily and with moderate additional effort. It is only natural that the OP is pointed to this, and if pointed language is used for this, it only serves as an incentive.

I am of the opinion that pragmatism and a little less dogmatism in life are never wrong, and the OP would be well advised, on the one hand, to move away insignificantly (his starting position is actually very good) from his wish to escape the hamster wheel as much as possible. He can get much more in return elsewhere.

oh. Fundamental discussion. I find it exciting.

I am very conflicted about it.

To me, the tone here in the forum is generally fundamentally helpful, but sometimes somewhat rough. At the same time, I think "being too unfriendly / too direct only causes defensiveness," just as "those who can't handle directness will really have problems during the construction process."

No idea how it goes for the majority of builders out there. In my environment, everyone had some (though very different) problems. We are currently in the construction process, and I can now also tell some funny stories: problems coordinating between trades. Stolen sand (yes, seriously. I had to bribe the team for the floor slab with breakfast while I had to organize new sand). Additional costs in the five-figure range for X reasons. And much more. It takes strong nerves. If you can't handle a somewhat rougher tone, that would be absolutely not a good sign.

Especially since many here really invest a lot of time and brainpower. Whether here with the numbers, or with the floor plan discussions, or, or, or. That’s a lot of time and free advice. Sometimes presented differently. But in my impression, always intended positively. Just sometimes rough.

Next conflict: Not pointing out foreseeable problems when it comes to the biggest investment of most of our lives would also not be good. How directly it’s addressed is then also a question. I know from some contexts where problems are only addressed so incredibly indirectly that they hardly get across. Bad. Too direct? Risk of defensiveness. Also bad.

Then (often) comes the fact that, besides the question asked, there are also hidden questions that are much more important. Same here.

I find this (and many, many other) discussions here mega exciting.

Yes, the tone here is rough. In my opinion, usually too rough. But one has to differentiate. Does one merely point out harmless, unintentional mistakes / inaccuracies etc.? That can be done kindly and is still understood. Or is one dealing with a certain narrow-mindedness that would not understand cautious hints? Then I prefer a clear, preferably also figurative language. For me, the OP belongs to the latter kind. Of course, that may hurt and one might initially go into defense mode. However, this does not exclude that with some distance in a calm moment, one or the other statement is gratefully received.

I find these (and many, many other) discussions here super exciting.

Building a house is definitely exciting.

If you can't handle a somewhat rougher tone,

Just sometimes rough

but in places somewhat rougher

What do you mean by rough? Do you mean direct? Or brusque? Or unfriendly? Or short and succinct? Or eye-opening? Catching? Unkind? Or aggressive? Sender/receiver? I think one should be able to distinguish here in the forum between rambling and content. The former can be skipped. "Content" can also hurt if the reader feels caught or receives criticism. But for the "content," whether rough or not, others are sitting at the answer and gladly give their time. Criticism is indirectly requested with a question. Ultimately, what counts is what the original poster makes of it. He has all possibilities, above all his perspective and the ability to open his eyes to something that was closed to him before the criticism or response.

Yes, the tone here is rough.

Actually not. Just direct and clearly formulated.
If you really prefer it rougher, then you have to go to the green.

I agree that in other forums (e.g. green) the tone is significantly rougher. This forum actually seems very constructive to me, as long as you fit into the target group of the forum (home buyers or those having a house built). The fact that some participants here are rather direct is probably also due to the fact that they have already explained the points in 1000 other threads and would probably be happy if thread starters would first search extensively, read, and reflect.