Desire for joint property - currently separated

Yes exactly, then the situation would be exactly reversed. She would then service the loan alone.

We recently had an appointment with the notary regarding a prenuptial agreement and received advice. That's why we will marry with a prenuptial agreement (separation of property and exclusion of equalization of assets, exclusion of pension claims).

Well then that would be an idea. You immediately have a paid house together with her and your entire salary for yourself; you would just have to part with the house, okay. But you can only live in one house anyway. At some point I did it that way and I’m glad to be rid of the hassle around the house, although it might feel different to you. Renting it out would also be an option for me in your place. But this 200K version you will never get out of your head because it would also be unfair. Is it actually completely normal for her that she lives in your house for free?

The topic of love and trust takes a back seat.

You want the market value of the house. She then wants that if child/children come, you split the time 50/50. If one becomes unemployed, the other wants to give him a loan if the money is not enough for him.

If it is already like this "at the beginning," you should go separate ways.

The topic of love and trust takes a backseat. You want the market value of the house. She then wants that when child/children come, you split the time 50/50. If one becomes unemployed, the other wants to give them a loan if the money is not enough for them. If it's already like this "at the beginning," you should go separate ways.

If she becomes unemployed, then of course I will support her. So far, she has actually taken care of our child more. She was home for a year and is now working completely from home. My big concern in the end is that I could be left with nothing. The loan on the house is definitely manageable and will be paid off in at most 10 years. Due to my civil servant status, I have almost no risk of becoming unemployed. Complicated situation. I would not build alone again.

If she becomes unemployed, of course I will support her. So far, she has actually taken care of her child more. She was at home for a year and is now doing completely home office. My big concern in the end is that I could be left with nothing. The house loan is definitely manageable and will be paid off in at most 10 years. Due to my civil servant status, I have hardly any risk of becoming unemployed. Tricky situation. I wouldn’t build alone again.

If you wouldn’t build, let’s say you would have €300,000 in equity. She has €150,000. How would you then handle that?

Oh, there is already a child, I had overlooked that. That makes the situation even crazier. Honestly, I wish you both good luck, but for me, your approach, especially considering the existing child, is simply too far-fetched.

The topic of love and trust is somewhat neglected

That only happens if one side does not respect the other. I really don’t understand how someone can live with another person for free for years, then want to own the place but pay a price at some point. Would she also pay more if the house had been worth more earlier? Probably not. I could somehow understand if she at least paid half of the correct rent, but so neither one nor the other... just the more convenient option. I don’t want to accuse your girlfriend of anything, but I have heard this problem more often and believe that those who have handled it clearly and factually have, in my opinion, the best relationships with each other. If it really has to do with love, why does she keep her higher salary just for herself and not share it? I believe this carries explosive risks and would absolutely advise against something like that. Before that, I would say goodbye to the house and make a completely fresh start, which can be nice as well. But I wouldn’t want that feeling.

If it’s already like this "from the beginning" you should go separate ways.

I don’t agree at all, quite the opposite. Just clearly regulate it in a matter-of-fact way, many people live like this and it works perfectly for them. I am a proponent of equality, so I don’t understand such things. I definitely don’t want to be taken advantage of, that would be unpleasant for me; therefore, I also lack understanding for free rent... sorry. I have had something like that in my life but always paid my half, quite simply. I understand your worries; they probably won’t just go away again. I see no reason for you to get involved in something that makes you feel uncomfortable; neither of you should. Therefore, I would mentally take the house out of the equation and sell/rent it. You could also continue living there, but then with proper rent; your girlfriend earns just as much or more than you. The many other things in life with kids, unemployment, and a thousand scenarios always have to be "renegotiated" in the relationship anyway, since they can’t be planned for in advance. A 60:40 ownership solution that roughly fits the current value could also be conceivable.