Paying "rent" to the partner... how?

Nowadays I think (one of my friends has it like this): living in the big house, whose problems he always has on his back... also has its charm.... For them it is like this: the owner Kärchert the yard, my friend participates in the household but working on the house; not her house not her “problem”.

And does that work? How long has it been like this? I’m just asking because I find it hard to imagine that something like that can work well permanently. Basically, your friend really solved it cleverly, whether intentionally or unintentionally the risk is just as unlikely as wealth building with good planning. With a sensible financing with equity, a good general contractor, and insurance in case of illness, building a house is a no-brainer, unless you have to finance more than 500k€.

And does it work? How long has it been like this? I’m just asking because I find it hard to imagine that something like this can work well in the long run.

Yes, that doesn’t exactly sound like a real community. I also find it unsettling. You want to pull together, right? There’s nothing wrong with division of labor “everyone does what they can.” But like this?

You can change your place of residence, partner, etc. at any time ... he can't or it's harder ...

An important argument. A shared house is more permanent than a marriage bond. Your freedom is also something "valuable".

Yes, that doesn't exactly sound like true togetherness. I also find that unsettling. You want to pull together, don't you?

A relationship doesn't necessarily have to be forged for eternity. There are many forms of happiness.

I also find the model mentioned here, that you pay 50% of the interest, 50% of the additional costs, and 50% of the living expenses, the fairest. Additionally, you could occasionally take over a purchase (e.g. washing machine, wardrobe, table, etc.). However, these items would then remain your property in case of any eventuality. I find it difficult to only pay the additional costs and living expenses (even if the amount is possibly the same), as then the mother-in-law might say that you do not contribute anything to the house. Therefore, I think it is important how it is presented and possibly also communicated.

@guckuck2 the risk is just as unlikely with good planning as wealth building is. With reasonable financing including equity, a good general contractor, and insurance for illness, building a house is a no-brainer, unless you have to finance more than €500k

You apparently think mainly of risks during the construction phase, which is a narrow view. Although the construction phase can also go wrong despite insurance, as is often read in this forum.

He bears the risk of defects and wear and tear.

He bears the concentration risk, becomes illiquid, must endure value fluctuations. His creditworthiness is affected.

Who pays increased property taxes, waste fees, or five-figure construction subsidies for the new road?

It’s not just about money but also time and responsibility.

These issues, and the list is not complete, are often ignored. That’s how the perception arises that owner-occupied real estate is always a great retirement provision and rent is wasted money. That simply isn’t true.

I also find the model mentioned here, where you pay 50% of the interest, 50% of the additional costs, and 50% of the living expenses, the fairest.

Do you then reduce the payment by a few cents each month because the loan is being paid off? Otherwise, I also find that a fair model. And you don’t have to tell the mother-in-law, who does seem to fit the cliché, too many details.