Land available but only a condominium?

We would then have a household income of about €4,400 with the partner working part-time. Then finance with a €2,000 installment?

The ratio is not so rosy, that's true. But I could also look at it the other way: that's €2,400/month left just for additional costs + insurance + living expenses + other reserves. The question then is: does that work or not? Has it worked so far? Will it work with 1-2 children? Is there enough buffer left to not collapse at the first gust of wind? And can I still sleep well with it? The original poster is not at the end of their career, so the ratio will probably improve over time. On the other hand, especially as a young family, you don’t always want to have to scrimp and save everywhere. When increased expenses (=> installment for house + child) and reduced income (=> parental leave) come together, even someone who previously had a pretty decent savings rate can suddenly find that it doesn't fit without restrictions (which is no shame, it is also completely normal that someone with a higher salary enjoys a higher standard of living). For someone else, it might still fit, but that is then individual. Therefore, I would just look at the spending side so far for myself. The questionnaire pinned here in the area helps with that, for example. Or you keep a household budget yourself. Or you go through the expenses/bank statements of the last 1-2 years and categorize them. (And also don’t underestimate the “that was only that one time such a big expense” expenses. Yes, usually you don’t buy a new washing machine and car or bed etc. every year, but something always comes up, so first list everything honestly and see what the situation is.)

approximately €400 Z15 loan bank back then at the appointment 375k 4.1% with 2% repayment were about 1950 = €2350 bank and external advisor say max. €1900 possible. the bank also insisted on 2% at the meeting. when they then calculate they say €400,000 would be the loan amount. but for that you only get a garden shed here. we can make compromises. but I will definitely not do such a project just so that I built something and then am not happy. the timing is simply bad. the bank then says why not a year ago. yes, unfortunately we couldn’t choose. here you don’t get plots from municipalities unless you have 4 or more children. and if you find something privately they ask €600–1000 per m2. considering the daycare costs welcome back to the south = quickly €450 per month. we have time for building the house, our problem is only with the rental apartment 2 rooms and child

Then just build a semi-detached house with 100m2 without a basement and garage for 320k+50k ancillary costs. If you don't want that, you'll just have to consciously give up the dream of owning a house.

about 400€ z15 loan
bank back then at the appointment 375k 4.1% with 2% repayment were about 1950 = 2350€

bank and external advisor say max. 1900 possible.
the bank also insisted on 2% during the meeting.

when they then calculate they say 400,000 euros would be the loan amount. but for that you just get a garden shed here.
we can make compromises. but I definitely won’t do such a project just to have built something and then not be happy.

the timing is just bad. the bank then says why not a year ago. yes, unfortunately we couldn’t choose that. here you don’t get plots from municipalities unless you have 4 or more children. and if you find something private, they charge 600-1000€ per m2.

considering the daycare costs welcome back to the south = quickly 450 euros per month.

we have time for the house construction, our only problem is with the rental apartment 2 rooms and child

My question again: Why don’t you renovate? That would be significantly cheaper and not a problem with 400k. Have you at least thought about that with an expert?

Once again my question: Why don't you renovate? That would be significantly cheaper for you and 400k is no problem. Have you at least discussed this with an expert?

The house is not salvageable.
But we were aware of that, it was about the land and the price for the land with the old building was very reasonably cheap. The demolition is also cheap because we have connections.

But what else is there to say/advise here? We have shown all the levers that exist. You can either build smaller on your property, build cheaper elsewhere, or just not build. There are no more options. Good advice can neither increase your salary nor lower the interest rates. The question regarding the ETW was sufficiently explained here as not recommended. Of course, there is always the risk that the view on the ETW matter is somewhat one-sidedly influenced. After all, this is a house-building forum, not an ETW-purchase forum, and many people here tend to lean towards building.