House bought before marriage and now divorce - what are the options?

Difficult. In the end, only the two adults and children have to manage. Often everyone tries to secure their own interests, so that you all do this together is commendable. Nevertheless, I get the feeling that if both continue to own the house, and you then partly (or even completely) pay the mortgage + regular maintenance + your own rent, this seems one-sided to me to your disadvantage. I would find a partial offsetting of the housing value against the maintenance fairer. Not completely though, your wife would not be able to afford that financially. But there should be some compromise in between so that it is balanced not only emotionally but also objectively.

Exactly, that’s my idea. What numbers are agreed upon will then be seen.

Whatever you negotiate, make it as detailed as possible. Who pays which installment for the house, who pays which rent compensation, what happens if a new partner moves in, who pays for repairs (a single mother cannot maintain the house or garden adequately) who gets the increase in value, when will it be sold, and much more

Unfortunately, it is always easy to say, sell the house and start anew.

By no means do I say such things lightly, I have experienced it myself! You asked for opinions, so you get them. How things will develop remains to be seen, also with the children, as this often turns out completely differently.

In my view, there will never be a clear separation because we have two children together.

That was also described in a nuanced way as a "clear separation" of financial matters; as a couple you are already more than clearly separated when new partners are involved.

I would never forgive myself for taking the house away from them!!!

Then your decision is made and you are financially well secured as you write. Whether you then have €200 more per month is irrelevant. As I already wrote, I would rather be generous and completely leave it to her as the mother of my children.

Yes, I can afford it! Sure, I don’t fly three times a year on vacation like before, but it is enough to live on. Besides, I have a new girlfriend who also has a house and if everything continues to go reasonably well, I would definitely move in with her.

I wish you that it all remains that way.

I would also sell the house, but my wife is very attached to it and I totally respect that.

Again, if you can afford it and manage a good life on your own, you are doing everything right. I just wanted to give you food for thought about things that happen daily in such contexts and were similar in my case. What you make of it concerns me not at all.

Exactly, that is my idea. What figures you agree on will have to be seen then.

Let your wife make a proposal that she feels comfortable with. Fortunately, you are not dependent on the money and are thus actually in a privileged position despite the emotional pain. Many separated couples struggle financially for years and cannot even consider such matters. Maybe you will report to the participating members here how things have progressed; that is always nice in a forum.

What I read from you, , seems well suited to make the best out of the difficult separation situation for everyone. I cannot give a concrete piece of advice regarding the separation agreement. On the one hand, I have no personal experience to contribute, and on the other hand, the emotional circumstances in separations are so individual and cannot be conveyed in a forum that no viable solution can be developed here.

Fortunately, the kids have coped really well.

It is nice if the children currently seem to be coping with the situation. Children have a lot of adaptability to situations and accept changes much more easily. They are still in the process of forming references, and the separation experience will become part of that. It is very likely that the children have not yet even begun to "cope" as you say. The trauma of parental divorce is not dealt with in a few years but usually manifests itself again and again in different phases of growing up. Expect that processing the separation will repeatedly require attention and accessibility for your children. This is where what writes comes into play: from one’s own strength, it is much better possible to provide the necessary emotional support.
It is not the loss of the house as a home that would upset your children, but the loss of the parents. It is very well possible to be separated parents; there are several examples for that. You seem to be taking a path that prioritizes the relationship with the children over the financial aspects. I hope that you can maintain this, especially for the well-being of your children, for a long time. The contract that regulates the financial matters is important to secure the current "getting along." The essential part of the divorce takes place—at least for the children—on a different level.

I would never say something like that lightly, I have experienced it myself!
You asked for opinions, so you get them. How things will develop remains to be seen, also with the children, which often presents itself quite differently.

This was also described in a differentiated way as a "clear separation" of financial matters; as a couple, you are already more than clearly separated if new partners are already involved.

Then your decision is made, and you are financially well secured as you write. Whether you then have €200 more per month is irrelevant. As I wrote before, I would rather be generous and leave it completely to her as the mother of my children.

I wish you that all of this always remains this way.

Again, if you can afford it and manage your own good life, you are doing everything right. I just wanted to give you some food for thought about things that happen every day in such a context and were similar for me. What you make of it is none of my business.

Let your wife make a proposal that she feels good about. Fortunately, you don’t depend on the money and are thus actually in a privileged position despite the emotional pain. Many separated couples economically scrape by for years and can’t even consider such things.
Maybe you will report back to the participating members here on how it continues, that’s always nice in a forum.

Thank you for your message! I am very grateful to you for your honest feedback.
There is one thing I have not mentioned in my posts.
My ex also has a new boyfriend and I wish them only the best. I think it won’t be long before he moves in with her.
At the separation, we clearly agreed that when new partners come into the picture and "maybe" soon move in, a small compensation would come into play. This was also accepted!
This is what I meant at the beginning (with €200 compensation or so) in my post.
I just don’t see why I should pay for other people, even though I have no problem with him at all.
He earns his own money and should also pay his share if he moves in.
For the last 2 and a half years, I have basically given her the house.
As you already said, we will sit down next week and see how we can come to an agreement.
I just wanted to find out here whether the option exists for a divorce without a notary.
Maybe she will also tell me that my parents give/loan her the money and I want a "clear separation."

Of course, I will report back on how things develop ;)

How about if the new partner simply pays half of a fictional rent (which can also be set lower than what you could actually get on the market) and the additional costs? Depending on the amount, it might not all go to you since the house only belongs to you 50%, but maybe you can calculate something fair in this way. That way, he wouldn't be worse off than in other arrangements, and you wouldn't be paying the full amount for him. Maybe the €200 would be about right, maybe it would be more, you can take a look at that.