House bought before marriage and now divorce - what are the options?

Why? That strongly depends on what she earns and whether she can work full-time or enough hours during the care times to earn a sufficient income for herself. Basically, she is primarily responsible for her own livelihood

No. The legal opinion assumes that you are there for the children up to a certain age (usually 12 years old) and not to work full-time. She is still allowed to work part-time and no one will force her to do more. From the aforementioned 12 years on, full-time work is considered reasonable again. Even more so with two children (or more). The post also shows that the woman does not have a really significant income. It took me almost three years myself until my divorce (with three children) was finalized and during that time I became a "professional."

That is very generous of you. I wonder if your future partner will find that funny too? Duck and run.

I can probably relate quite well because I was in a similar situation many years ago. Now, with you, it's the case that you currently get along well. Maybe it will stay that way, but so far no financial details have been discussed. Both of you should be able to live properly, child support needs to be considered independently. In such a case, for me, only a clear separation would be an option, just like the personal separation took place. We currently have this situation in the neighborhood, where she still lives there and he lives somewhere else in an apartment. It's a constant back and forth. A new man sometimes stays at her place; he mostly pays for the house. I can understand both sides, because it is a dilemma intensified by the compulsive clinging to a house. Why don’t you sell the house and each start anew? You can still be generous or rather moderate, but your life goes on and nobody wants to feel the other’s old burdens as a burden in a new relationship. For example: you want to buy something with another woman at some point and go to the bank, old burden. Your wife no longer pays the agreed monthly amount you rely on. Maybe she really can’t or has actual problems, but that should no longer be your problem in a new life or that of a new partner. Just imagine it the other way around, that your new wife’s ex-husband essentially blocks your plans. It’s not that I’m taking sides, I simply always advocate for clear arrangements. Then as a mother/father, you can usually get along better.

Thank you very much for the quick response. But I am very glad to read that both can remain owners and borrowers after the divorce, at least initially. This is very important!

At the moment that may seem reassuring, but in the long run certainly less so.

We want to keep the costs as low as possible! Selling is absolutely not an option for me or her.

No one wants to pay a lot, but a divorce also costs money. Maybe you are the prime example that all of this works out perfectly. As a true optimist, however, I absolutely doubt that. The problems are only postponed and if then it only affects the next partner as well, who did not deserve that.

What is unfortunately completely forgotten in this plea are the children who have grown up in the house and who are completely torn out of their lives by a sale. Single-family homes are very rarely located close to rental apartments, so a change of school, daycare, and ultimately the entire social environment almost always becomes necessary.

The children did not choose this, so it is absolutely honorable that the man here is not only thinking of himself, but above all wants to leave the children in their environment, even if that means having to swallow the bitter pill that another man will move into this house.

Please always keep that in mind. The top priority for parents is the children... and not their own life or their own pleasure. Otherwise, one should have thought about that beforehand and refrained from having children. As soon as children are involved, they come first, even if it hurts.

If the OP can afford it, that's good. But when I read that he moved into a small apartment, that they want to share the lawyer, then I have my doubts.

The divorce will be expensive.

Child support for 2 children, alimony for the ex. Loan installments for the house, rent for his own apartment, and living expenses. Tax class 1, etc.

Alternative, continue living separately.

What is unfortunately completely forgotten in this plea are the children who grew up in the house and who are completely torn out of their lives by a sale.

Of course that is not forgotten, how do you come up with that? Whether a child is "torn out of life" as you say is at first a dramatically sounding claim. That a divorce is usually "not nice" for children, I thought did not need to be mentioned, I considered that common knowledge. My children are both over 30 years old today and tell me that it was important to them that neither of the parents is "lost" or that one of them is doing badly. My wife could have stayed in the house at the time but wanted to leave and the children ultimately found that rather cool in this case, because they were away from the village. I believe that adults usually are much more attached to the "house built with sweat."

The children did not choose that, so it is absolutely honorable that the man here thinks not only of himself but especially wants to keep the children in their environment, even if that means possibly having to swallow the bitter pill that another man will move into this house...

I consider that theory, which (in most cases known to me) is eventually overtaken by reality. As in an emergency on an airplane, parents in everyday life also have to stay "healthy" and take care of themselves. A father who has shot himself out financially and emotionally into the sidelines helps no child. Because the child still needs the father in 10 or 20 years. Children are known to worry a lot about the well-being of their parents and sense when things are unfair; then they suffer along. "Honorable" is a bit too highly praised for me here, because no decent father forgets the well-being of his children. If you can afford your proposal, I think that's great, then I would even recommend simply giving them the house, because the children will probably inherit it anyway someday. After my divorce I was practically broke and I know how much pain and also happiness it takes to get back on your feet.

The highest priority for parents is the children... and not their own life.

Sorry but you are talking here like a preacher with teenagers. Do you think the participants here are all made of concrete? The children are important - BUT NOT THE HOUSE but unfortunately for parents it is usually primarily about preserving real estate, with the children then named as the reason. I am sure I am just a single case but my adult sons would both clearly disagree with you here!

One should have thought about that beforehand and given up on having children.

oh dear......

As soon as children are involved, they come first... even if it hurts. Period.

You have so far been spared from such things, what luck for you

If the OP can afford it, that’s good. But when I read that he moved into a small apartment, that they want to share the lawyer, then I have my doubts.

Likewise. I once lived for a time in the basement of my plumber between radiators. Later I never wanted to treat myself to something small because I wanted to give everything to the children and rather lived poorly. Today I know that this exact attitude of sacrifice made the children afraid that their father might sink. Years later when I enjoyed life more again, they gladly came to me; which child wants a struggling and hanging father when they themselves constantly struggle in youth?