House Purchase - Complicated Situation

Haven't your parents talked to you about the potential inheritance?

First of all, the "potential inheritance" is my parents' retirement provision...

On the other hand, I find it strange not to arrange such things while still alive.

... but at the moment they are still alive - and in their old age they gladly live in their own home with a garden, freedom despite Corona, enjoying exactly what they have created for themselves. Here, the sale of the father's shared marital dream may be completely okay... probably the father's priorities have also shifted due to the separation - that's often the case... I would be interested in the father's age. Many discussions here in the forum about inheritance and parents are based on children speaking for the parents, but not with them. The result is then that the parents are mature, often younger than me, who are supposed to live out their existence in a small basement granny flat, as big as my current living room.

As a farming family, this is naturally handled differently, if only to prevent the fragmentation of the land. Even when it comes to family businesses, this is normal. But that is rather not the case here.

There would also be the very simple and obvious possibility that all siblings come together and enable the father to remain in his own house (to which HE is so attached) through their support. The house is too big for him? Well great. Each of the children sets up their own room there and visits Dad regularly, even better for the grandchildren. Grandpa sits in the garden chair and enjoys the sight of his offspring who are currently maintaining the garden or playing in his well-kept garden and can stay there overnight anytime. I know this old-fashioned stuff sounds strange to some, but for me it actually means lived family and social behavior within the family.

The only sensible way is a sale at a reasonable price – if mother and father want it that way. Clarity, and that’s it.

But I find your posts super interesting because they show the huge crack in the fabric of our society. There is indeed a demographic bomb and thanks to our population pyramid & the skewed voter base (and their demands) fewer and fewer chances for a healthy future for everyone. This complicated situation is only due to the current state of the country and is neither set in stone nor fallen from the sky.

Briefly & exaggerated in your example – everyone is supposed to work hard for me, and clearly care for me. For that, there is also a bed in the attic and a personal leaf broom for the grandchildren...

How the next generation, who can neither afford real estate nor the comparatively generous retirement of today’s gray panthers, will manage later and currently does not matter. You’ve somewhat swept that under the rug – where do the children and grandchildren live now? Why can’t they find suitable accommodation? And why is it more important that a retiree can maintain a house with a garden into old age than that a young family gets enough space to run around?

There is also other social behavior in the family, where the patriarch is not the focus but retires to a retirement home and passes the reins to the next generation.

: I understood differently. He points out that the house represents the father's retirement provision (or in other cases both parents'), and if it is to be passed on, of course the retirement provision needs to be secured differently. And if the early heirs cannot adequately provide for this financially, then I think it does belong to taking matters into one's own hands. People are living longer and more and more diseases are treatable. But that is expensive... If the responsibility was handed over earlier during the parents' lifetime, the parents and grandparents could also rely on being cared for, even in the same house...

I find it interesting to expect to inherit the parents’ property and already mentally divide the loot.

Completely emotionless: I would be grateful that potential co-heirs are already showing their true colors – that way you know where you stand and whom – related or not, or precisely because of that – to delete from your phone book.

Haven’t your parents talked to you about the potential inheritance? Or don’t you talk about it with your children?

Unfortunately, there is a strong tradition that the non-nobility neglects to arrange inheritance taxes during their lifetime on all channels.

Maybe with us it’s also because we are only in the second generation no longer farmers. In these families, even today the majority (if not everything) is arranged and handed over during the lifetime.

The retirement house is not a bad model.

On the part of TE, what was put up for discussion naturally meets with different viewpoints, with different individuals and social groups represented here as well. As an older person, I would consider that to be beneficial; TE perceives such comments as "not objective." However, here I see the (understandable) personal desire for an affordable house too much in the foreground, solely because of that my "criticism," which could also be seen as a way of thinking. Only afterwards and incidentally is the equally legitimate mother mentioned. This raises the question for me why this so important point (securities of the co-owner mother) was missing until now. Then I read about the "evil brother" and his completely exaggerated ideas while at the same time the market price is being driven down so far that it fits one’s own wallet. Where is the difference there, please? Furthermore, I read:

If there were a possibility under the current circumstances where everyone would be equal, I would of course choose it immediately – but unfortunately there is none. Therefore, I am looking for a way to settle the whole thing at least somewhat fairly.

TE thus himself acknowledges the lack of a "equal solution" and now wants to settle it "at least somewhat" fairly (the brother wants that as well... :D). Financially, a truly fair solution would be possible but that is too expensive or not possible for TE. Therefore, it would automatically become economically unfair so that it can fit her, because a little fairness is not possible. In the end, despite his drastic downsizing, the father can only make a "generous down payment" on his small apartment; so, despite his considerable setback, he will still have debt on it and will not even live rent-free. Quote: "....which should still be enough at least for a generous down payment for an apartment of my father" What is here completely taken for granted and pushed into the background: INHERITING fundamentally happens A-F-T-E-R death. Only then is it a duty; before that, they are understandable wishes! Let’s be honest, every reader knows it! Here, it is about avoiding the word: "CARE." We had it notarized with us, for which the house construction was made possible by the parents. They had a nice apartment in the house, rent-free and with registered right of residence, so at least parts of the resulting duties, advantages and problems are known to me; mutually! Added to that is the widespread fear that the state might seize the inherited assets as soon as the parents have to go into a nursing home. People don’t like to admit that, but often it is the case, I claim! I also truly understand that not everyone wants to have their parents closely nearby or take on caregiving. Absolutely okay, but then why the premature grab for the parents’ property? They don’t want the person with all their suffering, but they want the dollars that make their own life more beautiful. I read, hear and experience that more often today and it makes my hair stand on end. We don’t expect our children to take care of us, but of course, we are happy if they might do so someday. Nobody knows when or how it will come. We would also do it (again) for our children. Because we must not expect that, we take care of our own old-age security, and the best way to do that is to make ourselves a good life. Should the state ever seize our property and the children do not take over caregiving, then that is how it is, I cannot change it; but I want to be reasonably well cared for. As long as I am still sane (maybe I am no longer), I would also generously give parts of my property to a stranger who takes good care of us. Therefore, I am no less attached to my children than others and leave them the freedom to decide for themselves how to deal with the topic of possible care. That’s my plan......