House construction/house purchase or expansion of parental home - decision making!

I see some legal and especially emotional points with your parents' property that could become pitfalls.

You yourself say that your father wants to transfer the property to YOU. What about your partner? Should he be included in the land register? Without being in the land register, I wouldn’t co-sign a loan in his place. In the event of a separation, he would still be tied to the loan but would have no material value (at least if no legally secure written agreements about payout or other solutions are made beforehand).

Here the emotional level plays a much bigger role than with a new purchase, where you both could be listed in the land register. Your parents might only want to secure you, not include the partner in the land register, or ensure that in case of a separation he has to move out and has no claims.

All of this must be clarified in advance.

Yes. You may be right about that. It's definitely more emotional here.
We have given little thought to the legal handling until now.
And of course, a sensible way must be taken.
But I/we do not see that as a problem.
Once we have decided WHERE we want to live, it will be seen that the legal matters are clarified upfront. In whatever form.

My husband is even more in favor of staying here. He clearly sees the financial advantage. That outweighs everything for him.

With my parents, it is actually (still) the case that only my mother is listed in the land register.
But well, the "arrangement" is also almost 40 years old :D

For me, the legal aspects are quite important for decision-making.

If your husband is not entered in the land register and therefore does not take out a loan together, the possible loan amount is officially determined solely by your financial capabilities. That might be too little to renovate everything the way you imagine.

You should also clarify any possible "follow-up costs" due to a potential lifelong right of residence for your parents. This can reduce the value of the existing house, decrease the loan amount, and perhaps create financial obligations if a parent becomes in need of care and has to move to a nursing home.

On a different note: I hope your mother has a will and has arranged what should happen to the house in the event of her death. Otherwise, the statutory inheritance law applies, and your father inherits only part of the house, while your brother and you also get a share of it. Inheritance communities have the potential to cause massive trouble even in the best families.

Back to the house: Get legal advice on what you need to pay attention to and clarify with your parents what their expectations are. For me, it is essential for decision-making to understand what is legally possible and subsequently emotionally feasible.

Otherwise, I don't understand why you have been dealing with this topic for over 2 years and still haven't made a decision when you haven't even addressed the major "stumbling blocks"...

Which building authority were you at? District office or municipality. At our place, it's not the district office but almost everything the municipality approves. For the municipality, only one thing counts: as long as one more family stays there. The magic words are, we are moving away, and then many things start to happen.

Thanks for your comments.

We generally find it difficult to make a decision, precisely because it involves a lot of money.
The first option was a new build. At that time, however, we were not satisfied with the conditions and did not have a good feeling.
Then we tried to be allowed to build on our property. But that fell through.
Then we looked at an existing property. Too expensive for something we wouldn’t have been really satisfied with.
Then the idea came up to add an extension to the house. But this option wasn’t optimal either. Not for the costs.

I find this decision not easy. And I think it is completely normal that there is a process of finding one’s way.
Friends of ours searched for a house for 7 years.
If you’re not under time pressure — that’s totally fine. We just want to get the most out of the possibilities.

For both of us, the "stumbling blocks" are more about deciding HOW and WHERE we want to live and what is possible within our scope so that we can live well...
In our eyes, there is a way for everything else.


Thank you, too, for your answer.
The municipality told us that at the time. They said we could submit a preliminary building application, but we should rather count on low chances. If we had a part-time agricultural business, it would probably look a bit better...
When I then asked what would happen with my parents when they are old and can no longer manage on their own, they told us "brutally": "Individual fates are unfortunately not taken into consideration."
We also had a conversation with an architect from the village. He also said that the chances are probably very, very low.

Too bad. With us, they are really very accommodating, the main thing is that families stay there.

No one can take the decision away from you. Nor can anyone tell you how to arrange everything legally. Get advice on that and think about what you want and what you can live with, even in the event of death or divorce.

It looked like this for us:
Apartment at my parents' place. The apartment became too small, the house goes to my sister. Probably no long-term option.
Clear advantage: The big family. Baby monitor or quickly bringing the child to grandma, grandma comes by in the morning so the little one can go to daycare and I can go to work. During the colicky baby phase, I would have been lost on my own.
If you are sick, there is simply someone there who can help with a few things.
Disadvantage: Father is physically severely limited. Help in the garden, with care, etc.

Parents-in-law’s house. My husband would have gotten it transferred, high investments necessary and still not perfect. Same advantages and disadvantages as with my parents otherwise.
Big disadvantage: No daycare spot, double the distance to work.

Old farm from my grandpa
Demolition, inner-city development.
House as desired – also the biggest investment.
My husband is not there during the week.
Then the closeness is really missing.

In February/March I already wondered whether it was the right decision.
I was sick with pneumonia, then the little one with severe bronchitis, then my parents sick with pneumonia. Father was discharged one day before my mother and the respite care spot was not free yet. Suddenly everything is a much bigger effort that used to be done on the side.

In the meantime, everything has settled quite well. Mother-in-law gets a place to sleep when I am sick or have appointments until late in the evening.
With my parents, it’s like a shared flat except three streets apart. Everything is nice, modern, spacious, the daily routines are settled. It was the right decision for us.