Community of accrued gains in construction

And of course it works exactly the other way around as well.

...

Women can be a...holes too..

I also know such cases, and I completely agree, both genders can be really nasty. I also got the "good" advice (from a man, by the way) to hook a handyman for the construction phase, and then I could fire him later... but I’m not doing that!!!

I don’t do that!!!

He also wants to get something back at some point.. uh (physical contact etc..)..

For us, everything is 50/50. Both on the land register, both on loan agreements, both full-time, both take care of the child. I take her to school, he picks her up.
He takes her to sports and swimming classes, I take her to the doctor, he takes her to the hairdresser, etc.. Because it is natural for us and everyone takes on whatever comes up at the moment.

We also have a joint account. All income is consolidated there. That means, even when I was on parental leave and he was earning full-time, I was using our account. I was able to focus completely on our child for 18 months and didn’t have to waste a single thought on whether I had to pay for this or that, or whether he was building up assets or not.

The perfect solution for us.

One does not have to assume ill intent where stupidity suffices as an explanation.

If trust is equated with stupidity, then it must have been stupidity.

If trust is equated with stupidity, then so be it.

To trust that the partner will not deliberately betray you during an ongoing relationship is necessary trust for a relationship.

To trust that a breakup will never ever happen and therefore have no financial arrangements for this case (even if only implicit, like inclusion in the land register) is naive = "stupid". (this is an exaggerated choice of words)

However, I meant a completely different kind of stupidity. What turns out to be grossly disadvantageous for one partner in the event of a breakup does not have to have been planned that way by the partner who benefits then. It is often simply thoughtlessness. Things are not thought through to the end, connections are not seen, you are going to be together forever anyway, so why think through unpleasant things? That is = "stupid"

HelpHelp was right with "rose-colored glasses". That’s what I actually meant.

Leading a relationship and/or marriage without planning one's own finances to the extent that one is not the fool in case of a breakup is simply never smart. Whether one’s own finances run through a joint account does not matter for that.

Both can end up in the fool’s role, but statistically it is still more often women. And no matter how balanced a settlement is, in an unpleasant breakup everyone feels somehow disadvantaged anyway. A reasonable, decent separation is unfortunately rare. In my wider circle of acquaintances, I know exactly one single case that was like that, out of a felt dozen divorces.

Things are not thought through to the end, connections are not seen, after all, you stay together forever anyway, so why think through unpleasant things? That is = "stupid"

Then I must be one of the stupid ones too.

But honestly: I don't care. I firmly believe that you always get back in life what you yourself have done or given. And if my partner wants to screw me financially, that will catch up with him eventually.

I am simply an emotional person.. What good is all the money if it didn't work out with love/family.

That's just how everyone ticks differently.

And if my partner wants to financially take advantage of me, that will eventually catch up with him.

But that's exactly what I meant: In cases of separation, it often happens without any prior intention because both simply hadn’t thought about it.

I'm just an emotional person.. What good is all the money if love/family didn’t work out.

Counter question: What good is it to you, if (which I wouldn’t wish on anyone) it doesn’t work out, to have no savings, to never have your invested work—whether in kind or financial contribution—acknowledged in any way? After a difficult separation, sooner or later you want/need to stand on your own two feet again, and for that you need financial security. No matter how you felt before.

Everyone just thinks differently.

The only thing that must not prevail is the fear that one might somehow summon misfortune by factoring it in in advance. I hope you never have to regret your current attitude. Because if you walk the path together until the end, all the considerations and models discussed here are just for show anyway. And that would be a nice wish for you and everyone else .

I firmly believe that you always get back in life what you have done or given yourself.

What motivates you to be a good person, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, that contradicts my experience, which is why I rather follow the principle derived from Kant: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," than karma .