Border design - neighbor wants a fence, we want a hedge

I would also wait in your place, or cautiously bring it up again? If you both want a hedge, I find the neighbor a bit cheeky. But maybe it wasn’t meant that way [durch die Blume] after all? I would try to start as little conflict as possible with the neighbor over a hedge.

Or I’ll wait another year or two and have him plant a hedge. Then I’ll have space and peace.

I thought he wanted a fence first–and why then another hedge? Could it be that both your plots are quite small and he’s hoping that you sacrifice the roughly 1-meter-wide strip on your side for the hedge while he keeps his half meter (with the hedge exactly on the boundary) for himself? A fence hardly takes any space away...

I find it a bit unfortunate that the one who comes first also has to bear the disadvantages.

Why, what would have been different if you had gone first...? Also, according to your description, there’s currently nothing there yet.

I already knew the neighbor beforehand. There shall and will be no quarrel because of that. But he is a teacher. So basically, whenever we have a vacation, he is also at home. He loves the garden and only wants to be outside on the terrace. Therefore, we both want a privacy screen in the form of a hedge. Only for a possibly later added dog does he also want a fence. In my opinion, a fence and a hedge do not go together. Even if we share the hedge on the boundary, he will not set a fence 50cm in front of it.

Why, what would have been different if you had started first...? Besides, according to your description, there is currently nothing there yet.

No, there is nothing there yet.
What I mean is that I find it a pity that we both actually want a hedge. If he starts, he has the hedge and the loss of space on his property and I am happy. If I start, I have to put the hedge on our property and he is happy.

Our properties are each slightly more than 900sqm in size. I know that the loss of space caused by a hedge can be managed with this. But still, I want to get the maximum space saving - for both sides.

Could it be that both of your plots are quite small and he is speculating that you will sacrifice the strip about 1 meter wide on your property for the hedge and he can keep his half meter (with the hedge exactly on the boundary) for himself? A fence hardly takes anything away..

Yes, I think that is what he wants to achieve for himself.
I must admit that I might not do it differently either if I want a fence and a hedge. But I don’t find the whole thing very reasonable. For me, it’s just about knowing what one must and can do in this situation.

By the way, I have already addressed the situation with him several times.

Ideally, it is a give and take. Why should the neighbor do it exactly the way you planned? Maybe he is not a fan of [kirschlorbeer]? Talk again about how you can meet each other halfway.

I don’t believe you need to keep so much distance from the boundary with a hedge that you can trim it from the back. I would simply plant the hedge at the distance required by law. If it then grows through the fence on the neighbor’s side, he can cut it back himself or let you onto his property so you can take care of it. Or he can put up a dense fence that the hedge can’t grow through. Btw: Kirschlorbeer is quite unecological; maybe you’ll find another hedge plant that you (and the neighbor) like.