Renovation of multi-generational house - bad feeling with general contractor

Hello everyone,
my wife and I, together with her mother, have decided to convert the existing single-family house into a multi-generational house. Unfortunately, the house is not large enough to accommodate two households, and the roof is not yet insulated. Besides an extension, there is also a need for renovation.

I will now summarize our experiences with our general contractor (GC), as we are currently very uncertain about how to proceed.
In short: Are we too naive, or do we simply have the wrong expectations?
______
In January 2021, on recommendation, we got in touch with a GC, who inspected the house with us and we discussed our ideas with him. Afterwards, he gave us an offer for the planning phase, which we started with his wife as the architect.

We asked for a rough cost estimate for the entire project for the first time here. Our GC only said that without plans he would find it difficult to give a price but promised to follow up on this before the building application.

The Planning
Since the planned extension requires approval, we decided together with the architect to create a preliminary plan and use this as the basis for a preliminary building inquiry at our building authority.

Our building authority now fundamentally rejects preliminary inquiries and only answers concrete requests. So this means planning and hoping ... (2 drafts for nothing)

The planning phase progressed sluggishly, as the architect repeatedly forgot agreements and we had to remind her of previous points during the meetings. Additionally, the first two plans missed the access to the existing basement, which then caused problems in the developed plans.
Between June and December, we worked on 4 drafts with her.

We are now aware that we probably refined too many details.
A year later, we have a draft with which we are 90% satisfied. In hindsight, it would probably have been better to move forward directly with the 70% solution.

Then came the big day of the rough cost estimate. We sat down with our GC and discussed the desired qualities, etc.

Yesterday, we received an email from our GC that his brother (who runs the construction company) cannot perform a cost calculation without structural engineering and formwork/reinforcement plans. (Cost for this: 2,500€).

We are now somewhat shocked and at a loss:

We have already spent nearly €11,000 on the architect’s plans without knowing whether the entire renovation project is even feasible for us.
The existing plans have neither been checked by a structural engineer nor is it clear whether the planned extension will be approved in its current form.
Our GC still resists giving us a cost framework and "uses" the structural engineering as the reason.
(Surveyors, energy consultants, etc. are of course also still missing.)

We currently worry that this is getting out of hand and that there is an uneasy feeling about the whole thing.

I would appreciate any advice.

My main questions:
Is this all normal? Are we simply too inexperienced?
Should we look for another opinion / another GC, etc.?

Thanks!

Well, first of all, congratulations on the picture-perfect disaster. Having a GU-wife as a directionless and aimless sign servant like here is not an everyday occurrence. To sink eleven million into four drafts "someone first has to copy that" ;-)

Our building regulations office now fundamentally rejects preliminary building inquiries and only answers concrete requests. So that means planning and hoping ... (2 drafts down the drain)

Yeah sure, they really don’t like the Columbo tactic there. It’s unprofessional and excessively tiring for everyone involved.

At least with all the avoidance, detours, and sidestepping planning, you should have enough material to at least show the existing building plan here so that one can even say in a qualified manner what would be possible. Please post the following here – as individual images, not as a wall poster and preferably not as a PDF – all existing floor plans and a cross-section, as well as at least the latest draft of the renovation.

I don't believe that this is normal. The services you describe - although not as extensive - up to the construction notification, we partially received from our general contractor even before signing the contract, and definitely before we made any interim payments. I seem to remember that the first payment including the planning services was only due after pouring the foundation slab. I know it is different with freelance architects, but 11k without substantial services seems VERY much to me. We received a fairly reliable figure for the total project costs VERY early in the planning, long before we signed with the general contractor.

Having a general contractor's wife as a goal- and planless sign servant like here is not an everyday occurrence.

I have also built a house in such a constellation – it really worked brilliantly. But those were different times, it seems to me...

On the topic: Make it clear to the general contractor that without a reasonably reliable cost ESTIMATE (it doesn't have to be calculated to the exact cent here), the journey ends at this point, although I would consider that anyway, because nothing is worse than architects who simply forget significant details right from the start. How is that supposed to turn out later?

Betting on one horse for far too long.

Didn't you ever have the thought of contacting another [GU]?

Good morning everyone,

thank you for your many responses!
At least it reassures me that we are not alone with our feelings. Even though the situation is, of course, rather unpleasant.

Well, first of all, congratulations on the picture book disaster. Having a GU wife as a target- and planless sign servant like here is not an everyday occurrence. To sink eleven grand in four drafts, "one must first have that imitated" ;-)

Of course, the Columbo tactic is not appreciated there at all. It is unprofessional and excessively exhausting for all involved.

At least with all the mis-, around- and past-the-point planning, you should have enough material to at least show the existing plan once here, so that one can even say in a qualified manner what would be possible. Please post the following here – as single images, not as wall posters and also preferably not as PDFs – all existing floor plans and a section, as well as at least the latest draft of the conversion.

As far as I know, my mother-in-law does not have current existing plans. The best we have are plans from the 1989 building application, which, however, were not implemented. I have attached them here; I will also ask again in parallel.

Regarding the planning status,
in the 1st floor unfortunately some walls for the kitchen that need to be torn down (and thus supported) are missing. I have manually added these so that it is easier to imagine.

(I have to split the plans, unfortunately no more than 10 attachments are possible..)