Estimate of construction costs for a single-family house in the Tübingen area

What would your leverage have been if someone hadn’t kept their commitment?

Emergencies sometimes happen, and to you no less often than to a friend. In my life, a commitment is a commitment – equally in both directions. A reliable person only makes such a commitment after they have checked uncertainties. Otherwise, it’s not a commitment but just silly babble.
You would like to portray it that way and generally claim that there are no reliable agreements with friends or other people or that there is only one reliable person among all the beer-drinking döner eaters, and of course that person is you yourself, who else?

The best way is to assume that you will end up doing the work alone.

Freely paraphrased as “I send my best man and I’ll come myself soon.” I don’t contradict that you can/should do your work alone. That you (as a general statement) are actually better off that way I cannot confirm.

I had to sort out the rest because I have to explain too much and/or it’s just quickly botched, the main thing being that there’s beer and a döner after work.

I cannot contradict your individual experience, although I do notice the term “sort out” when used regarding friends. But it remains your individual experience.

Maybe we live in different worlds, that wouldn’t be reprehensible.

Not worlds but certainly different environments, which by the way one creates and is responsible for oneself.

In my world, two buddies have changed jobs abroad in the last two years; they wouldn’t have been able to fulfill the "BroCode" even if they wanted to.

I don’t know "BroCode" or only occasionally from movies about some rapper types, who usually don’t build houses.
Of course, there are always and in all cases killer arguments that bring no added value in a serious discussion. For example, my son was just on the 30th floor when the earthquake in Thailand happened, I myself had a health incident years ago, an acquaintance had an accident. That’s life for everyone, sooner or later, but should one not build because of that? Did I or she have the emergency lever you mentioned already in stock for each of these emergencies? Certainly not.

Who is really reliable and who is not is not shown in intensive conversation... that only becomes apparent in reality on the construction site, when you’re supposed to help your buddy for the fourth weekend in a row and the wife complains when you’ll finally do something with the kids again.

Apparently for you, yes. In my life, the friend discusses such things with his wife beforehand or checks his possibilities and actual willingness before giving a binding commitment. Then it is not because of “constantly complaining wives,” but again your own responsibility to create a reliable environment. We obviously have a different view of friends and apparently also of women; your negative compulsion to generalize against beer-drinking döner friends and now also against “complaining women,” as always, stems from the Stone Age.

Just because it worked out for you now, you can’t seriously recommend that as a general rule to everyone?

My point is the opposite of general, namely concretely clarifying whether or what kind of help can be expected. You should reread and not start blustering again after the second word.

How naive or forgetful is that?

Says who?
Pathological know-it-alls are indeed more often left alone in life or feel abandoned and of course always blame others and/or think others are stupid too.

Be glad that it worked out for you, in 95% of all cases it goes differently.

Your next generalization also misses the mark. Funny that you accuse me of making general statements while you spread these in a steady stream here.
In my multiple construction projects in life, there were always problems, sometimes big ones. However, these did not come from unreliable friends but often also from myself; but who likes admitting that when you can blame others.
Your above claim that in 95% of cases you cannot rely on agreements with friends requires no further comment and shows the apparent uniqueness of your life or living environment. Let’s end this rather sad interpersonal excursus here; it’s about important things for the OP.

As I read your previous texts, I assume you understand my hint and that’s exactly what it’s about.
You should know for your project in what concrete scope your friends can and want to help you. Everything between 0 and 100 is possible, even if not everyone here knows that. Clarity about which services your painter buddy takes over in which way and also the tiler. If it ultimately is zero or only a little, that is also an important insight.
If you could actually completely take out individual partial areas from the construction (e.g., painter, tiler), a provider like Town & Country would likely be ruled out because the credits are apparently too low there. Then you need another kind of provider. With our general contractor, we could (had to) actually freely take out and assign individual trades but got the full credit for it. For us, these were e.g. wooden stairs, facade, floors including wooden frame structure and insulation (except bathroom), window sills, etc.

Uff, the döner heckling from the stands has overstretched a simple hint, namely to precisely verify the kind of manual help from friends you mentioned and then think further steps based on this result.

I can understand MachsSelbst there. Surely every buddy supports voluntarily for 1-2 days. With more, the wheat is then separated from the chaff, or the buddy hopes for the same favor in his own house construction. So if you have diligent supporters from several people over weeks, you can definitely assume that later you will also help out on other construction sites for many weekends.

I can understand MachsSelbst there already. Certainly every buddy supports for 1-2 days voluntarily. With more, then the wheat is separated from the chaff or the buddy hopes for the same favor when building their own house. So if you have diligent supporters from several people over weeks, you can certainly assume that later you will also help out on other construction sites for many weekends.

And what prevents you from clarifying exactly this beforehand, to plan it accordingly in your construction?? Friends don't have to help with house building, who says that or even assumes it? Not me. The conscious reader reads here that there can also be zero help from a friend and that is just as okay. But if – as happened here – help is spoken of, I wouldn’t know why this should not be verified in advance instead of assuming arbitrary wishful thinking. In my current phase of life I can/want to no longer do hard work on other construction sites and I say that just the same. Do I expect it the other way around? No, how could I?

One can certainly assume that later you will also help out on other construction sites for many weekends.

To assume something instead of clarifying it is exactly the source of annoyance when you hold certain expectations without any justification instead of discussing it bindingly and if no, then no it is. I had a project without any outside help as well. But that was also okay because neither do people have to help me to be my friend nor is it a mandatory part of (my) friendship. My uncle really did everything to do with wood in the two-family house, except the roof; he had promised us that and that’s how he wanted it. If I had doubted that it would have offended him. I last built the kitchen for my son on schedule. If he had doubted my reliability it would have hit me? A young friend still helps us again and again with difficult things in the house and within our arrangements I can also rely on that. Unfortunately, such discussions (more and more nowadays) slide into extremes or are (deliberately) misquoted and lead to the idea that only I am the only right and reliable one. But one could know that one should always first look in one’s own mirror when something goes wrong, because usually one carries a large personal responsibility for a failure; but to admit that is usually harder than blaming others.

the buddy then hopes for the same favor when building their own house.

A completely understandable point of view, which you nevertheless discuss clearly beforehand and don’t beat around the bush with hopes and expectations. Is it really so hard to openly discuss things with each other and then maybe also live with a no from the so-called "bro"? Sorry, not my thing. Again Nobody says that or how much friends should help. But if it is on the table, it should be reliably clarified beforehand. That’s how I do it in all other areas of life as well, with my wife (who constantly complains with some, certainly not with me); I rely on people from my private circle after agreeing something with them. And if that never works or I even feel betrayed like here (keyword lazy kebab buddies), then I should recognize my own share of that and change accordingly instead of generally doubting the value of friendships or agreements.

In my life, a promise is a promise

Distinguish buddy from friend, and that's how it makes sense. Ultimately, this was about buddies, not friends.

Distinguish buddy from friend, and then it makes sense. Ultimately, this was about buddies, not about friends.

I wouldn't know of a universally strict distinction there. For me at least, a commitment is something I consciously make or not, after being aware of its consequences. That applies equally to my friend, buddy, neighbor, and mail carrier, but of course everyone is free to handle it as they wish. Especially based on (age-related rather more) experience, I also advise the OP to address things clearly beforehand, but I repeatedly encounter, especially among the younger generation, that what is said is often no longer taken quite so seriously all of a sudden and, above all, truly open conversations are rather avoided. That’s probably how apparently ultra-cool terms like "Bro" (brother) or other exaggerations come about at every possible corner. The OP will know how to classify the advice or statements for his own situation, as it suits him, and that’s what it’s all about.

Your theory already fails in the first paragraph against reality.

You mean binding commitments from the family, friends, neighborhood, and acquaintances? We obviously have different environments.

What would have been your lever if someone had not kept their promise?

The thought of figuring out a "lever" to force someone to help me when they have promised is foreign to me. My experience: If one person drops out, there is someone else who steps in. Others can also rely on me, and if there is an emergency, I change my plans to help out. As I wrote, we live in different environments. The "trick" is pretty simple. Whoever shapes and contributes to their environment meets people who have a similar attitude, and then mutual reliability works. It is not even important whether you particularly like each other or are friends. It is simply the age-old concept of communal strength, in which everyone benefits.