Fundamental question: Acquire land as a reserve?

2018-04-23 08:10:40

Now I have registered here because I have been reading along for some time and now I would like to give my two cents: From my point of view, the original asker posed an absolutely reasonable question and is making absolutely sensible considerations, so I don’t understand why some here have to ridicule it a bit.

My situation is very similar: About 15 years ago, I made a (from today's perspective) big mistake by building a house next to my parents' house on their property in a southern Berlin suburb. My thought at the time was: I am a composer and mainly do film scoring, so I need my own small recording studio, which I can, of course, better realize in my own house than in a rented apartment. What I didn’t consider at all (due to lack of experience) was: How does this come across to women? The original asker hasn’t said anything about his family situation at all, so there has been no mention of women or children so far, so I assume he is single and faces a similar problem as I do: Women tell me that I live way too far out and that they would never move somewhere where the in-laws live right next door. Women today are already so savvy that they very quickly (usually even before the first date) ask about my living situation — and then you’re immediately out.

Therefore: The question of how a certain living arrangement affects other people is absolutely important and was not sufficiently considered by me back then, so now I probably have to live with the consequences.

I too would now rather live somewhere in the green outskirts because the noise in Berlin increasingly gets on my nerves, but I probably have no chance of implementing this somehow because my money is tied up in the existing house, and I can't sell it since it is on my parents’ property. And I also see the risk that my chances with women would not increase if I moved even further out. One also has to consider what effects this has on further family life. What about things like daycare, school, and the woman’s workplace, if I ever find one? I can actually work from anywhere; I could even live in a lighthouse on Rügen since I have neither public nor client traffic. But if I really want to have a family, then I also have to think of others. And for that, probably only proximity to the city center counts. Unfortunately.

So therefore: I really see no reason for any snide remarks here. Be glad that things have gone better for you family-wise, but don’t point fingers at those for whom this is not the case and who try to change their situation.

Sebastian

Hm... I don’t really know what to make of the post now. I’m a bit confused too. Either you really are Sebastian, or you aren’t, then your challenges (something like MPS) are of a different nature. I mean how likely is this please :-P

2018-04-23 08:28:31

Honestly, I have to admit that I didn’t understand your text: What exactly does MPS mean?

I only pointed out that it is not completely unreasonable to consider how one’s own living situation affects other people. Unfortunately, I failed to talk to other people about it back then because I simply didn’t see it as a conflict issue. I wanted to build a house because I needed space, and that space was next door. If I had had to buy a plot of land somewhere else, I wouldn’t have been able to realize the whole project. In other areas, it’s perfectly normal to build near your parents, but I completely underestimated how Berliners think. And when I am told that I live too far out and that people can’t imagine living there, then the conversation just ends after the first date. I can only take note of what the women tell me. And those are the concrete feedbacks I have received quite often now.

Today I tell myself: I should never have been allowed to build here. But I know that now. Back then, I probably couldn’t have known. I thought: when I finally have a woman and a child, it’s great if my parents can also take care of them occasionally. But by now I know that many women have a problem exactly with that. They tell me very seriously that parents or parents-in-law have to live at least 100 km away. I simply did not expect that.

Is it the same in your areas, or is it purely a Berlin problem?

Sebastian

2018-04-23 09:15:09

To be honest, I can understand the argument about potential clients better than the one about women. I also went looking for a partner with a house in the countryside, and it worked out great. Of course, you tie yourself to the house and can be seen as a "burden," but if a woman comes before the first date and shoots me down because of my own house in the suburbs: so what. Let her continue to stay alone in her dumpy area in a small drafty apartment. I tend to make fun of such people rather than feel sad because of them. Maybe it’s different in Berlin. After all, many have moved there with the big city and all. They can do that, it’s their life plan. Still, they’re no better, even if I’m considered a country bumpkin.

2018-04-23 09:34:59

If it worked out for you, you can of course sit back and relax. But I still have to work on the topic, and it's just not nice when the years go by, you've had countless dates, and ultimately nothing comes of it. I am now 42 years old, and the image I project to the outside is that of a dependent mama's boy, solely because of the living situation. Then there is also the fact that women cannot relate to my profession. They don't understand that you can make money with music. If you don't work in some office, it goes beyond their horizon. I really don't want to complain here, but it was really just meant as confirmation that you have to think carefully about how and where you live.

I also really like the Berlin surrounding area, especially the area around Potsdam. But the way women in Berlin are, I could easily imagine the reaction being: "No, I'm not moving there, then my child would be an Ossi." In any case, I know families who moved back to Berlin for exactly that reason. And that almost 30 years after the German reunification.

But it may be that the original questioner is in a completely different situation than I am.

Sebastian

2018-04-23 12:04:56

You are meeting the wrong women!

Sorry, but maybe a country bumpkin suits you better than a Berlin city brat.

2018-04-23 14:05:10

I see no problem here at all.

If the lady doesn't fit the house, she doesn't fit you. Period. Next Please.

If one puts the economic (in this case location) before the ideal (here love), something is wrong with these women (or men).

I wouldn't want her at all.

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Fundamental question: Acquire land as a reserve?

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