Split-level from 1967 - experiences?

I am now in my early 60s and I would hardly be pleased if I were expected to enthusiastically move into such an 'apartment' and also be happy to look after the children for free, be seen as a free housekeeping help, etc. I have a very active social life; I like having guests, cook a lot, but have no desire to cater to children's wishes (like: today I am only eating pasta with butter (and at least 5 days a week) or some such nonsense.) I am not a cleaning lady, I have one.

STOP. This goes too far and is absolutely inappropriate. I have nothing to do with other forum posts and you know nothing about our living conditions and those of my mother, our "demands," ideas, and ways of life, whether we have a cleaning lady, nanny, or personal cook.

Congratulations on your active social life, I hope different manners are applied there than anonymously on the internet.

Honestly: many of these basement flat rooms, some of which don't even have a measly 240 cm ceiling height, face north or east, have no view & sun, no underfloor heating, etc., are an impertinence to expect one's own mother / mother-in-law to endure - and the old lady should then also be grateful for it!

Unbelievable. I will not comment further on this here.

Congratulations on having an active social life, I hope different manners apply there than anonymously on the internet. [ / ] Unbelievable. I won’t comment on this any further.

Presumably, you are simply too young with a mother in her early 60s to have experienced the 218 women’s movement and to understand what I would call the "appropriate sensitivity" of the women accustomed to regularly demanding their equality. belongs here to the core of the friendly and helpful advisers and by no means to those who use the internet as an "antisocial medium."

belongs here to the core of the friendly-useful advisors and by no means to those who use the internet as a "socially antisocial medium".

Alright, then I will take note of that and choose a different wording:

Since you already mentioned in a mitigating way that it might not be entirely fair to attribute all the mentioned "stereotypes" to me, I would like to briefly address our individual (!) situation:

For us, living together would look like this: my mother lives in our house, but she is neither supposed to do our household chores nor routinely “babysit the child.” Both she and we independently came up with the idea that living together would be a good idea. In many conversations, we discussed our ideas and wishes. Among other things:

[*]Separate entrances, locked units
[*]no one just stands “randomly” in the hallway, but rings or knocks
[*]Well-equipped granny flat with 2 rooms, not a studio apartment, not a dark basement room but proper windows and a view outside
[*]etc.

My mother is and was not a stay-at-home mom, has always liked working, has been frequently on business trips, and is now enjoying a well-deserved retirement. She would continue to live her life, travel, and pursue her hobbies. She already has acquaintances and friends in the “new” environment and would definitely lead an active life—by the way, she currently does so in her 60 sqm apartment in a multi-family house.

If there are people who see their own mother as a free nanny and housekeeper and ban her to the basement for that, then that is unfortunate but definitely not us. I cannot imagine anything nicer than having her nearby, and she cannot imagine anything nicer than seeing her grandchild grow up from close by.

I hope this sheds some light on the matter. No hard feelings, but the comment caught me a bit off guard (and undeservedly).

Presumably you are simply too young, as a mother in your early 60s, to have experienced the 218 women's movement and to understand the "appropriate sensitivity" with which women accustomed to regularly insisting on their equality respond. is among the core of the friendly and helpful advisors here and by no means one of those who use the internet as an "antisocial medium."

You are probably right, for me probably "typical for my birth year" it is natural that one does not impose the tedious tasks of the household on an adult woman just because she once gave you life and one assumes that babysitting and noodles with butter (I actually had to laugh at that ) represent the ultimate for her. But I probably also stand on the shoulders of the previous generation, who had to work hard for this self-evidence.

In this sense: back to topic friends...

I scanned the area on Google a bit – although I didn’t recognize the house from above, the ratio of house to property looks fitting everywhere – hardly any distortions… I can well imagine a sort of conservatory across the entire width up to the front door in front of the living room, which would bring light and space for a kitchen-living area.

That sounds very nice and I think my mother would like it. We’ll sit down together in the next few days and discuss in detail what she envisions for this property, and I’ll suggest the conservatory to her.

Honestly: many of these basement granny-flat rooms, some of which don't even have a measly 240cm ceiling height, face north or east, have no view & no sun, no underfloor heating, etc., are an insult to expect from your own mother / mother-in-law – and the old lady is then supposed to be grateful for it too!

But you haven't actually looked at the house here with the basement of living quality and read that the OP is planning an extension and not just these 1 1/2 rooms… besides, it is her wish, etc.?

If there are people who see their own mother quasi as a free nanny and housekeeper and banish her to their own basement for that, then that's unfortunate, but definitely not us.

That impression didn’t arise here either. There were inquiries (from me) and then that’s enough.

then I suggest the conservatory to her.

Something like that I can well imagine in terms of style. From wall to wall… the front garden allows that up to a certain depth. Is it allowed by building regulations? Oh dear, that's only 4 meters?! Then you probably only gain one meter in depth… I would discuss that with the building authority and an architect to see what is possible.