How much installment can we afford?

So a decent stroller easily costs 700 EUR without any problems. Infant car seat 250 EUR. That’s 1,000 EUR gone and you don’t even have a co-sleeper, changing table, wardrobe, bed, mattress, bedding...

If you buy all that on Ebay Classifieds, okay. But honestly... buying/building a house and then putting yourself through the hassle of getting used junk from classifieds?
We gave away a lot of stuff there... but you wouldn’t have been able to sell it anymore.

1,000 euros might indeed be a bit tight, but it wasn’t much more for us. Let’s say 1,500 euros, we don’t keep track. In practice, so much is given away or passed around among family/friends that you hardly need much.

We also got strollers new for that price and chose carefully. It’s the most important item and definitely has to be exactly to your liking. What we hadn’t already received was partly actually from classifieds. In the countryside that might be tedious, but for my wife in the city, it’s usually just a few minutes’ walk. I’m not really the type for that, but my wife likes it and most purchases really are hits.

Changing table? Washing machine + self-made construction, can’t get any more clever.
Co-sleeper? Borrowed one but it’s not used anyway. Same for the rest of the bedding, the child just sleeps with us under the same blanket. Yes, I know, you’re not supposed to...
Wardrobe? We didn’t need one; in general, a separate room is unnecessary at the beginning (many will see that differently).
Carrier? Various loans and I as a man don’t need it anyway (prefer to carry the child this way).
Chair? Actually got one in top quality from a well-known brand on classifieds for a quarter of the price. My wife loves browsing there...
Clothes and toys? So many gifts, so you only occasionally need something special here and there.
Baby monitor? Don’t need one, the child is always with us (or occasionally with the grandparents for a short time).

Of course, you are completely right that none of this will ultimately cause a house financing to fail. But it does reflect to some extent general spending behavior. If you always have to have everything, even if you might only use it 1-2 times and it’s new and from the trendy brand, it quickly gets expensive and it’s not unlikely that you generally live that way (iPhone instead of cheap Android, e-bike instead of city bike, even if you hardly ride it, etc.) and that all adds up eventually. Also, you can assume that you initially only acquire a fraction of the starter equipment you really need. Much of it comes only over time.

In the end, you can live how you want. But with one lifestyle you can afford a higher payment rate than with another. Whether it’s worth it to you is a personal decision. Currently, the target rate of 2,500 euros is easily manageable with one lifestyle but not with the other. Everything is amplified by having a child. Is the soccer club enough or does the child need to join the riding stable? Is one week of student exchange enough or does the child get half a year in the USA? Should the child be allowed to live alone during university or is a shared flat enough? Ultimately, it’s all about setting priorities. I’ve never really thought about how much I spend on groceries, others keep track and simultaneously go to the beautician. I think ten times before every purchase of a consumer good whether and in what version I really need it. In the end, what counts is how much is left over in the final analysis. Every person will be judged by that equally.

The OP wants honest advice and should get it. It’s not about criticizing him, but depicting neutrally with which lifestyle he can afford what.

You just can't always assume from your own perspective... I have acquaintances who don't have a good relationship with their parents, there was nothing at all. Or the parents are no longer alive, that also happens. Or the parents don't have much money because they built themselves or are retired and have to make do with the limited cash... there are so many scenarios where the "We definitely get a lot given to us" just doesn't hold true.

As already said 3 times by now. Based on the data we are supposed to rely on: It doesn't fit.

You just can't always assume everyone is like yourself... I have acquaintances who have a poor relationship with their parents, there was nothing at all. Or the parents are no longer alive, that happens too. Or the parents don't have much money because they built their own house or are retired and have to scrimp on tight money... there are so many scenarios where the "We're definitely getting a lot for free" just doesn't add up.

As I've said three times already now. Based on the data we're supposed to consider: It doesn't fit.

From your perspective.

I think it fits if you question and perhaps limit consumption.

I would never give up a house just to afford a new €700 stroller. There are so many great things on classifieds and even for free if you invest some effort. My son just had a child, now 1.5 years old. They bought almost nothing, got almost everything as gifts. And not from us parents, because it wasn’t necessary. You join kids' groups, there are other parents, things get passed on, you have friends and acquaintances with kids, etc. Or you just look at classifieds. I just bought a great high chair for €10.

From my experience, you can definitely manage a €2,500 rate with a €6,200 installment if you want to. You just have to redistribute a bit, some of the mentioned items I consider too low, e.g., with a house (building insurance) and a child (disability insurance), you need a bit more; I would estimate around €100 per month. Costs for 2 cars I would rather set at €700 to save a bit for new vehicles.
In my opinion, ancillary costs in a house are not higher than in an apartment, as some costs disappear (garden maintenance, snow removal, janitor, stairwell cleaning) and you have direct influence on many costs (trash, water) and can save.
Then the calculation might look roughly like this:
€2,500 installment
€700 mobility
€500 ancillary costs including heating, mobile phone, etc.
€500 supermarket
€400 vacation
€100 insurance
€300 things including small purchases
= €5,000

Maybe €300 more for childcare costs?

That leaves enough remaining to possibly reduce working hours, save something, personal consumption... And if needed, there is cheaper vacation (there are also bonus payments).

From your point of view. I think it fits if you question consumption and possibly limit it. (...)

Goodness... do you have to act it out? With the numbers he presented and which are supposed to be taken as given, namely 1,000 EUR per month for "various," it doesn't fit. Oh, and 250 EUR for 2 cars, that was also a sticking point. It doesn't say anything about whether it is about limiting consumption. Maybe he doesn't want to limit himself? For me, it was clear from the start that I didn't want to significantly restrict myself. I don't want to work my ass off all over the world just to only buy special offers at Aldi...

Currently, the balance is somehow around 3500 euros plus, calculated with a lower income than at the moment. Even if some things were perhaps somewhat underestimated, I find the assessments along the lines of "With your current expenses, you can't afford that" somewhat exaggerated.

Good grief... do you have to act it out?
With the numbers he presented and which are supposed to be assumed, so 1,000 EUR per month for "miscellaneous" doesn't fit. Oh, and 250 EUR for 2 cars, that was also a sticking point.
It doesn't say whether it involves restricting consumption. Maybe he doesn't want to restrict himself?
For me, it was clear from the start that I didn't want to significantly restrict myself. I’m not going to work around the world just to only grab the special offers at Aldi...

Good grief... Can you do the math?
Of course, consumption with 1000 Euros is possible. I already demonstrated it. In my calculation, 900 Euros remain for consumption, but there are already 300 Euros of consumption in the calculation, so a total of 1200 Euros.