House construction for an unmarried couple

First of all, thank you for your quick responses!

So, I'm not listed anywhere yet... We're just in the process of planning the financing and the topic came up. But what I definitely don’t want is to be part of the financing but not be a homeowner... I think I’m just a bit too conservative/romantic. I actually believe that such a big project should be done together with everything involved. I also don’t want to furnish, design, put a lot of time and work into a house, be married eventually, and have to say: this is my husband’s house and not OUR house. But maybe I should rethink that... Probably the cleanest and fastest solution is if I “only” pay rent, then there won’t be any unnecessary arguments.

Regarding the other question, we have been together for 6 years and have lived together for over 3 years, and at the moment everything looks like it would work out. I can’t contribute any equity because what I have is not much and we wanted to use that as a reserve.

I think I will inform myself very thoroughly about the pros and cons of each option with a lawyer and we definitely have to put everything in writing.

Thank you very much for your efforts!

I know you're not supposed to always assume the worst BUT when money is involved, friendship ends

I don’t understand the logic. If everyone only looked out for themselves, then no one in a relationship would build a house together, let alone have a child, etc. — you could always separate at some point. Taking a certain risk is just part of being in a relationship. It goes without saying that this risk should somehow be limited for both parties.

So if the bank considers Dandan’s friend’s income insufficient or compensates for this low income only through high interest surcharges, then the two will have to think about whether they want to take the risk that both become homeowners or none do. The shares of the property don’t have to be divided equally, so the contribution of equity can be taken into account accordingly.

Besides, if we separate despite having a child and getting married, neither of us could keep the house alone since we both earn about the same. The alternative would have been not owning a house.

I cannot contribute any equity because what I have is not much and we wanted to use that as a reserve.

If finances are to be separated, then why is your capital suddenly your joint reserves?

But what I definitely do not want is to be involved in the financing but not be a co-owner of the house...

Exactly.

I actually believe that such a big project should be carried out together with everything involved. I also don’t want to furnish and design a house, invest a lot of time and work in it, eventually be married and have to say: This is my husband’s house and not OUR house.

Talk to a lawyer or notary about what other options are possible. It’s not just half/half; there are also different divisions (e.g. 3/4 to 1/4), so you can say “It’s our house” and in case of separation he would have to compensate you for the 1/4. That should be easier to arrange than half the value of the property in case of need.

... I actually believe that such a big project should be done together with everything that comes with it. I also don’t want to furnish a house, design it, put in endless time and work, eventually be married and have to say: This is my husband’s house and not OUR house.

I think so too

But maybe I should rethink...

No, why should you question your ideals... Nest building is not an unusual desire!

Probably the cleanest and fastest solution is if I "only" pay rent, then there won’t be any unnecessary disputes.

My personal opinion for me, if I were in your situation:
Do it together and register yourselves each for half in the land register. In case of financing, not everyone has to pay 50%, but one can contribute according to income. That’s what you do when you live together anyway... if one brings home 3000, the other only 1000, then each basically pays their third of the earnings to the household.
But: in case of separation, your boyfriend should have the right of first refusal for your half (you wouldn’t have to get involved there anyway). Possibly you get compensation for leaving the land register and for other investments... but all that can be arranged well in a contract, and that is not unusual.
This way it’s at least your house and your future. In case of separation, there is the contract.
If I were you, I would also inform myself about inheritance law.

If there should be disputes with this option, I would generally become a bit more cautious based on gut feeling.

Good luck!

Difficult decision. Was never talked about marriage? After 6 years, one should have tested enough. Otherwise, I wouldn't invest a single euro in this matter nor sign a loan. In the case of marriage, everything from before belongs to him anyway, and what is contributed & earned is divided.

I don't understand the logic. If everyone only looks out for themselves, then no one in a relationship should build a house together, let alone have a child, etc. --- You could separate at some point. One inevitably takes a certain risk in a relationship. It goes without saying that this risk should somehow be limited for both parties.

So if the bank considers Dandans friend's income insufficient or only compensates for this low income through high interest surcharges, then the two will have to think about whether they want to take the risk that both become homeowners or neither. The shares of the property do not have to be divided equally, so that the contribution of equity capital is taken into account accordingly.

Incidentally, even if we separate despite having a child and being married, neither of us can keep the house alone, since we both earn roughly the same. The alternative would have been no house.

That was exactly what I meant: better to think ahead and arrange certain things. I know you can’t arrange everything and things happen that you can’t foresee. But it would be fatal to sign a loan and not be listed in the land register. That’s why I meant: better to clarify everything beforehand - as far as possible. Because unfortunately (as we keep reading here) there are enough people who don’t think about it at all.