Home financing feasible or pipe dream?

Hello, yes, there is something to the thing about the comfort zone. I will try to explain it a bit. She lives on the upper floor of her parents' single-family house. The mortgage on the house is not yet paid off, and with her rent payment she thus helps to pay off the mortgage. If she were to move in with me into a shared apartment, the parents would have a small problem. To live permanently as a couple on the upper floor would be a bit too small, especially since I would always feel like a "guest" in the parents' house. My apartment is not an option for her due to the long commute to school; I can reach my work reasonably well almost no matter where I live in Berlin, but of course it takes longer depending on the district. We had also considered whether I should give up my apartment. Then the question arises: what to do then. Do I store my furniture somewhere temporarily, since many things don't fit into her apartment, or do we look for something together where both of us are "strangers" and leave our comfort zone and the problem with the parents arises. I hope this explains somewhat understandably.

How long is the loan on the parental home still running? If you want to build, then the parents are facing the same problem.

I can already understand your problem. Neither the one nor the other apartment is the optimum for 2 people. But sometimes you have to make compromises for a certain period of time. For example, I drove 100km to work every day for a while. At 200km per day and my earnings at the time, it really didn’t pay off anymore. But the new job was in sight. You will have to make compromises in many areas, whether in the relationship, when finding a plot of land, building the house, furnishing, etc.

And storing furniture should be the least of the problems.

The attic of a single-family house can't be so small that two people couldn't live there. I can understand the guest story, but it is not supposed to become your refuge over decades. For example, it could be that it is your furniture decorating their apartment. However, I do not see that as a solution. The joint path consists of compromises, by both. No furniture will be stored or the commute to work compensated. Their parents' loan should also be paid by them. I can't imagine that the daughter's salary was once included in the financing. Besides, there must be some separation from both sides: a nice example for all those who plan a granny flat in the attic so that an adult child can live there. That can influence the partnership and thus the child's life, and not only positively. Your girlfriend has to know for herself where she stands in this whole construct and make a decision, because something has to happen eventually. The comfort zone ends at some point, at least that seems to be the case mentally now. Regarding the savings rate: what remains is the savings rate.

Move in together, save money, and you will see if you can handle compromises well. And only when you really live together and no longer have a "refuge" do you truly realize whether you can live together. Because a financed property binds you significantly more strongly than a marriage.

. Also, there also has to be a detachment from both sides here:

very very nice example Yvonne. Somehow I am increasingly coming to the point that the step to ownership is the 3rd or 4th rather than the 2nd

Is it really her wish to go into ownership with YOU? She only talks about financial risk, my parents also want to pay off the house, the commute is too far for me.

Are there only schools in Berlin? In Saxony there is a shortage of teachers, I don’t know how it is in Berlin. I would not insist on ownership at this stage of the relationship.

How long have you been together already???

Basically, I think it would be quite possible to finance a house from your salary. And as civil servants, you should have a good standing with the banks. But I wouldn't focus on that too much yet. No matter what happens, the bank wants its money. See the loan of the "in-law" parents. This commitment would be too risky for me in your situation. Sit down together again and talk about it. But don’t rush anything. And paying rent is not money thrown away. There are much worse ways to burn money. This can also include owning a home, especially if you can no longer service the loan. And if you finance a house together, a separation is much more difficult than with a rental apartment.