Health risks of the primary earner in financing

According to the logic, one would always rent only an apartment that the lower-earning partner can afford on their own.

Since the OP is the main earner, he and the family should therefore move into a small apartment, as the currently (expensively) rented house might be too expensive for the wife. That would be logical. But fortunately, logic alone does not determine our lives.

Thanks already for the contributions, exactly what I was hoping for: different perspectives, focus on partial aspects that I hadn’t considered before. But if we could tone down the language a bit again, that might encourage others to contribute as well :)

My goal is neither to be convinced of something nor to convince someone else of a particular position, so for now I won’t engage in substance with the arguments presented in this post (for myself, of course, I will).

To address the questions raised:

The RLV is currently at 250k for 20 years. Its purpose, however, is of course not to secure a loan but to maintain our current standard of living until the children are independent.

Regarding the loss of the main earner: I currently come home as an IT person with 84k gross. My wife is in full-time further education, currently receiving 1.5k advancement BaFöG (gross=net), and in a year she would then, as a state-recognized educator, be earning cautiously calculated 75% (she was part-time recently but the children are growing up; how much she wants to work then she does not know herself yet) about 32k gross per year according to TVöD.

The RLV is currently with 250k for 20 years. Its purpose, however, is of course not to secure a loan but to maintain our current standard of living until the children can stand on their own feet.

What in the end is the same - carefree living in your own home (because then perhaps mostly paid off) is also a standard of living. Because the income of the remaining partner can then more or less be spent on life.

Such questions were also asked of us. €400,000 in debt and what if the main breadwinner gets sick? Well, what then? Then we have a good year to think of something. That’s how long unemployment benefits last. After that, only sickness benefits.
It happened as it had to and my husband was so unlucky in a motorcycle accident that he broke two vertebrae. He was on sick leave for over a year until he was able to work again. Since then, he occasionally falls back into receiving sickness benefits due to absences. We just shrug. Because by now, salaries have risen so much that the loan repayment is just a mere flicker on the account for us. If my husband were to be out permanently, he would just go into early retirement and I would have to work full-time again (he can then take care of the kids).
Then something could happen to me as the main breadwinner. So as long as my head and one finger still work, I will remain able to work (also as an IT specialist). I would basically have to drop dead and yes, then my husband would either have to tighten the belt considerably with the kids or sell and move into an apartment.
If I were in your shoes, I would stash away a small financial cushion somewhere that can cover health-related absences on your part. Otherwise, buy, build, and be happy.

What I forgot to mention: some people noticed it, others apparently overlooked or misunderstood it:

Currently, we do not want to buy (and cannot – the references to equity are justified). We are saving up so that we have a cushion if an opportunity arises. The purpose of this thread is, as mentioned, to broaden the horizon regarding the assessment of risks (or how much financial security we want to build up as a result).

Thanks already for the contributions, this is exactly what I hoped for: different perspectives, focus on partial aspects that I hadn’t had on my radar before. But if we could tone down the tone again a bit, that might encourage others to contribute as well :)

My goal is neither to be convinced of something nor to convince someone else of a particular position, so I will not engage with the arguments presented here in this post (of course I do so for myself).

To address the questions asked:

The RLV is currently 250k for 20 years. Its purpose is, of course, not to secure a loan but to maintain our current standard of living until the children can stand on their own feet.

Regarding the loss of the main income earner: I currently bring home a gross 84k as an IT specialist. My wife is in a full-time training program, currently receiving 1.5k advancement BAföG (gross=net), and in a year, as a state-certified educator, she would earn about 32k gross per year based on a cautiously calculated 75% schedule according to TVöD (she was part-time recently, but the children are getting older; how much she wants to work then she does not yet know).