Finding a place to live with a partner - How much agreement can be reached

Hello,

thank you very much for all your perspectives.

The financial aspect in this specific case means that there is about a difference of approximately €70,000 (difference in building land costs half + Baukindergeld which would still be possible).

Secondary schools would always be reachable by bus during school hours. There are no other public transport options there. But I suspect this is initially not so relevant since we would have to drive her around anyway (my wife has always been quite anxious about such things).

Finding something is actually quite difficult. Where she wants to go, it is always said by word of mouth that something is supposed to come there. But the city doesn't officially tell you anything here, nor would it be certain to get something in this case.

In this specific case, we have already chosen one, and ultimately we have to decide within about 4 weeks whether we want it or not.

Pro/con can be done, but it only makes sense in connection with a prioritization. Consider what is actually important to you in everyday life.

A nearby dentist is, for example, a "pro," but it is visited so rarely in everyday life that the distance actually doesn't matter. A shopping option that can only be reached by car would be a "con," but for well-organized people who only need to shop every two weeks, it can still be okay.

I consider attending a secondary school by bus to be relatively normal, although it also depends on the travel time. Getting up 40 minutes earlier every morning as a child because you need that time for the commute can be incredibly stressful, but on the other hand, it only matters for a very limited time.

Are out of the big city (FFM) and into a small town. Now at least the neighbors know us.

We were in a similar situation, just significantly more rural. Prices for land were ridiculously low, up to 100 euros in the two possible medium-sized centers. My wife has a civil servant job, I work in IT. Our decision was ultimately pragmatic and we are very happy with it. In the end, everyone has to find their own priorities and decide which compromises they are willing to make.

Our decision went roughly like this:
We didn’t want to move in 5 years or more because of 3 small children.
Because of school holidays, it was clear we were looking in Hesse. Daily necessities had to be available locally, as well as proximity to the highway. I would have liked to have a train station nearby, which we had within walking distance in our last rental apartment. That was great but unfortunately didn’t work out. The internet also needed to be decent (50Mbit+). Various places in the area were unacceptable to both of us because of certain "Umweltsau" industries and also the mentality of their inhabitants.

Now we live in a great new development in a village of just under 2000 inhabitants and have everything we need including 2 supermarkets, butcher, bakery, pharmacy, doctors, elementary school within walking distance, fiber optic internet in the house and the highway right on our doorstep. But you can’t do without a car here.

PS: 70,000 inhabitants is not a small town
PPS: if I write even more, I might as well add a geotag here.

We took what was affordable and available. But a more rural area is nicer than a suburban city. With more than enough cars in and in front of the garage, you are also mobile

We didn't have a pro and con list. We've never done something like that before. Although we are both stubborn and only children, reason still works. The other joins in with an idea or discovery. Of course, feasibility, because of the workplaces, etc., is always in mind. But you also have to say that affordable plots of land are not exactly abundant here. We met near the middle. I didn't want to go to the town where I grew up or where my parents live. If it is 13 km for you, in my opinion, there shouldn't be any quarrel about the location either; somehow that is not a distance, not even to the hometown. Ultimately, these are neighboring communities that are certainly already somehow interconnected.