Financing: What interest rate lock? What goes into the budget?

What could also work: acquire a used property, pay it off in 10 to 12 years, and then a new build. We did it that way and are now in the new build phase

So we are building a 168 sqm bungalow for 220k (if I include all extras) without a basement. However, with a provider that does not deliver a high-quality house. Our expectation: The house only has to outlive me. My children can build themselves.
That means, with a plot size of 700 sqm plus, it might be worth considering building a 140 sqm house and creating storage space later in the form of a garage extension or garden shed. And the attic is still there.

And as for the 100% financing: it does exist. Yes, the conditions are no longer as great as with others, but doable. We also started initially with 20k equity and still received offers.

Make the effort and get a house offer made. Then you will know exactly where you would end up. Then you can slim down further for yourself and suddenly it makes sense.

Regarding saving behavior: Yes, you have to be honest with yourself if that is something for you. Vacation on that scale won’t be possible for quite a while.
Child-related costs should really not be underestimated, as you do have expectations for the first child. And giving up salary hurts (but can be somewhat offset with a flexible credit model).

But definitely threw the money away

Well, time can't be turned back. What was thrown away aimlessly and left in the economy is now missing.
With 4500 and an average rent or standard of living, one should be able to save ü1000/1500, with a frugal lifestyle ü2000.

The problem: throwing money away or saving, this either/or can't be easily changed – the attitude towards money (managing one's money between consumption and retirement provision) is learned as a child and teenager with pocket money over years. This then manifests as a trait. In your case, negatively recognizable by the 5000-vacation, that it _does not_ work.

Keep a household budget for the next 3 years and check yourselves. Save a large amount every month.
Eventually, you can arrange with 140 sqm without a basement if you want.
Consider the situation that with a child, living costs increase, but the salary becomes less.

Sounds a bit like a moral cudgel! Frugality is not a universally valid virtue, not even for homeowners. The money that was spent is not "missing." It was simply consumed, and a countervalue was provided, which was desired at the time of consumption. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. I don't think you can say based on the salary that an amount x should be saved at minimum. We could barely live on 4500 with 2 kids. I don't leave more than 3 months’ salary in the bank; the rest, in my opinion, is better invested in vacations.

My motto: Just enough equity to get halfway decent conditions. If they get a full financing offered for 2% over 10 years – why not!

You overlooked the smiley from ypg, didn't you? Of course, you can consume and live here and now, you just can't complain elsewhere if then the home financing is not feasible, the conditions are so bad, or in old age the money is not enough due to lack of provision. Money can only be spent once. (Only banks can do it multiple times)

Sounds a bit like a moral cudgel! Thriftiness is not a universally valid virtue, not even for homeowners. The money that was spent is not "missing." It was simply consumed and an equivalent value was provided, which was desired at the time of consumption. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. I don't think you can say based on the salary that an amount x should be saved at a minimum. We could just about live on 4,500 euros with 2 children. I don't leave more than 3 months' salary in the bank, the rest is, in my opinion, better invested in vacations.

My motto: Just enough equity to get reasonably good conditions. If they are offered full financing at 2% over 10 years – why not!

Maybe you should read my post again? You are repeating my words ...and indirectly confirm that with two kids you can't eat out from your salary every three days. I didn't say anything different either.

Hello Yvonne,

yes well, I probably misinterpreted your post a bit. I had the feeling you wanted to praise "the only right attitude" towards money, namely frugality. OT: We had to live very frugally back then - students with Bafög, plus two children, it was not always easy. Hopefully, I never have to save again now, and I would never have to cook myself if I didn’t want to.