Finance another house...

Do I understand correctly that you drive a total of 160km together every day? How far apart are your workplaces? There must be a more reasonable place to live, which would save money (which you have) and time (which you don’t)!

If things aren’t going well mentally anymore, I would move out of the house and live in a rental apartment. There are two of you and no children. A 2-room apartment with 70 sqm is enough for now. Ideally, of course, near the workplace or at least one of the workplaces. One of you, the one who is less stable and less resilient, would then have a longer commute.

Next, I would have the house renovated little by little, possibly immediately and completely, it depends, but initially timing is secondary. When the house is finished, sell it and then see what to do next.

The double burden of rent and mortgage is annoying, but what is money worth if life takes a toll on health?!

Do I understand correctly that you drive a total of 160km together every day? How far apart are your workplaces? There must be a more reasonable place to live, that would save money (which you have) and time (which you don’t)!

We work just 10 km apart, but something closer was not and is not within our budget.

If it’s no longer going well psychologically, I would move out of the house and rent an apartment. You are two and have no children. A 2-room apartment with 70 sqm is enough at first.

We have a dog, and that was one of the main reasons for owning a property. Renting has become extremely difficult because of that. Besides, that wouldn’t solve the problem as long as the house still belongs to us, because I can’t just block it out, especially since I have to keep doing things here all the time (mowing the lawn, trimming the hedge, pruning fruit trees, etc.)
By the way, the dog goes to the office with me before there are complaints that he’s alone all day.

We just talked about it again and buried the plan to build a house. Mainly because I have become a bit more aware again of what still needs to be done to the house and we probably wouldn’t find a buyer because of that.
The financial double burden would be possible, but it’s not worth it to me.

Yes, then everything is clear now?! Put your money where your mouth is and GET it finished. You can easily handle it and then you'll automatically develop a different attitude towards the property when you can also sit in the living room, etc. No builder here would be satisfied if they practically live on a permanent construction site.

with 6350 net - 1350 loan - 300 fuel - 1000 living expenses - 700 other
there are still 3000 left EVERY month. That's 36k a year, you can do so much with that. You just have to want it... For example, you could save up for a new kitchen in 3 months. Others dream of that. You can do it and you will manage it too.

As another option, ask your parents/in-laws/brother-in-law for a loan/money if you can't get one yourself. They surely don't like to see your misery either and might be glad if they could help. The money will of course be paid back.

Basically, the problem is that we no longer want to live in a half-finished house, it costs us a lot of mental energy. I also can't take a vacation when there are construction sites everywhere. Since we have long admitted to ourselves that we took on too much and can't manage it alone, the idea came up to have the whole thing done.

Basically, I think it's good when someone admits to themselves that they have taken on too much burden. Even if it's not pleasant! But that is the first step to getting out of the dilemma.

However: With a new build, you are not better off: you also have to get involved yourself, do something, organize, clean, keep appointments... The garden won't take care of itself either.

Try to find a way to make your current rooms livable again so that you can relax again.

And sorry: I did not read the last posts at all but stopped this afternoon.

I don’t understand you. Currently 10km away from work and you want to move even further, take on more money, and get even more stuck. BIBO put it very aptly, it just doesn’t fit at all.

I would also advise you to gather everything that bothers you and get an estimate of what it costs to renovate. 100k more is better than 300k more. With 2k net surplus per month, you would have to save for 24 months to have half and then finance the rest. Or take out a building savings contract, I think you can access that immediately.

Get advice!

Forget about new construction

I don't understand you. Currently 10 km away from work and you want to go even further, earn more money and dig yourselves in even deeper.

The 10 km was the distance between our two workplaces. Now each is exactly 40 km away from work. Each one drives an hour one way.
As said, the new construction is off the table. Having it done by others also didn't work in the past, otherwise we wouldn't have come to this point.