Cost explosion even before it really gets started

That is not the problem. The problem is that you consider your experiences universal: Know weird teachers = all teachers are weird. Know one, know all... And with this knowledge, you are personally rubbing it in to the OP. Helps no one, but once again you acted tough.

Those were a few admonishing words, I only want the best for you.

Just because you are tough, you don’t have to assume that for everyone. And certainly not to dish it out as if everyone is like you.

Well, the teachers I know are like the OP. Always this would, should, must not talk to us. Yeah right, he doesn’t have to do anything if no one shows him who the client is. The OP is still trying to find some excuses.

Fact is: Among teachers there are (felt) more strange people than in other groups of people. And fact is also that academics (of which I am one) often have their problems when it comes to practical construction matters. Many professional groups in the construction industry often speak such different languages that communication on equal terms is difficult and people often "talk past each other."

Back to topic: All this helps the OP little, but maybe it helps to put a bit more pressure on the architect. I think this is mainly a communication problem. At this point, you can no longer solve it with "you, you, you," but with clear statements and corresponding actions:

- Build your own cost calculation and expertise! It’s hard, I know, but maybe one of those present here, who has also built with individual contracts, could provide their detailed calculation without prices. Mine is no good, I have newly built with a general contractor. So many items are missing that are important for the OP. With this, the OP would have a good template of what might be important. Something will be missing, of course, but it is a good starting point to refine it together with the architect.

- Crisis talk with the architect. Clearly discuss the budget overrun right at the beginning and pin the architect (senior) down on emergency measures. Pin the senior down to take over site management and not the junior. Insist on 3 offers per trade. Refine the cost calculation together WITH the architect. Bring up any foreseeable underfunding clearly now: after all, this was based on his (wrong) estimation.

- If further collaboration with the architect is in question and a better calculation exists, check together with the architect and bank what can be cut, what can be done yourself, and whether financing can possibly be reorganized. It helps here if the financing bank is the local bank "around the corner."

- In parallel: find your own construction expert who takes over from service phase 4.

- Prepare for a longer construction time than planned and for significantly more personal contribution in cost control.

- Post new calculation and bill of quantities and, if necessary, offers here for discussion. Bring thick skin and buy valerian. Blocking users does not help. The discussion here does.

16 points

Well then, don't get in my father-in-law's way.

All the teacher bashing doesn’t help the OP either.

She has to put her foot down and set a clear boundary.

Out of inexperience and naivety, she handed over things she would have been better off keeping under control. On top of that, there seems to be a partner who has no clue, just does whatever, and lets the OP walk into a trap.

The OP should do her homework, sit down with the architect, and meanwhile the construction site stays on hold.
Words like could, would, actually, etc. should be removed from the vocabulary.

Domski thumbs up

The OP should do her homework, sit down with the architect, and meanwhile the construction site remains halted. Remove words like could, would, actually, etc. from the vocabulary.

Domski thumbs up

My thoughts .... would would bicycle chain

So how is a layman supposed to find the right balance?

I am not a layman. I am not a layman. I am not a layman. I am no..

You noticed early on that something was wrong, but did not act accordingly. From now on: clear statements instead of questions. Don't sit out problems.

We had to learn that too, similar situation with the architects.

No one acts entirely in your interest. Some things go well, some don't. Everything you can take care of yourself will be better than if it falls from the sky.

Domski's suggestion to hire your own expert for the construction phase is something I can only support. And please don't complain there, but give an order.