Building a house in the "old homeland" with the family or at work?

Hello everyone,

unfortunately, it has become quite a long text and I apologize for that in advance. However, I would still be happy if someone responds to this and can give me one or two tips.

My husband and I have finally found and also bought a plot of land after a "long search," which we really like in terms of location and the entire new development area. We currently live very rurally in a semi-detached house and feel comfortable. This new development area is neither in a village nor in a big city. So it is a nice middle ground.

Originally, we both come from just under 100 km away from the Göttingen area, from a small town/village. Back then, we didn’t like it very much there and moved to the big city (due to work), felt very comfortable there, but thanks to our two sons, moved back to a village near Hanover and still have the city at our backs.

Now comes the crucial point. My husband’s brother has now bought a house in our old home region and also our nieces and nephews and parents, cousins, and friends live there. My sister-in-law finds the village life and the proximity to the family kind of… meh. I wanted to make it clear to her how great it actually can be with family. I would find it great and would enjoy if the cousins could play together anytime and also grow up together.

Our professional opportunities could, however, worsen a bit in the region... Emphasize "could," but don’t have to. We, or rather I, who actually never wanted to move back to the region, am now getting “cold feet” with the new plot and wonder if it wouldn’t be more sensible to go back to the old home region after all... It’s now quite late to reconsider since the plot has already been purchased (officially notarized) and the construction contract has been signed for 1.5 months now.

Maybe someone here can provide some advice on my considerations? Should one simply take the step back to the old home region or can you not get out of all the contracts anyway and take the construction contract with you to a new plot in the home region and build a house there?

How did you determine your permanent place of residence then? What criteria did you set for yourselves?

Is the work you (or rather: you all) do just a job to earn a living, or something that contributes to meaning and thus quality of life? The former can be relocated more easily than the latter.

Next question: What can cousins as playmates and peer group do better than friends who are not related? I would say nothing. The idea that they inevitably grow up harmoniously together is a romantic notion that does not have to correspond to reality.

Are you you (not just you) now the total family types, constantly visiting each other, understanding one another, etc. pp.? Or are you open, can also quickly establish contact with non-relatives, like to get to know people?

All such things must be answered before one can address the question of whether to move primarily closer to family or to a job.

The fact that such questions seem to suddenly arise now because of a brother’s move rather suggests to me that the purchase of the plot was somehow not a well-considered shot at the dream property. If one were mentally sure, there would be no cold feet, sorry to say so.

I cannot answer the questions for you. I can only advise against seeing cousins as more suitable playmates. That is not a reason for nothing.

You have to answer the other things yourselves, no one here will be able to do that.

Personally, I have always moved for the job, but I am without children and also traveling light.

We also moved to larger cities back then for our studies and first jobs. I love the city very much. All the opportunities we had there as a young couple. But when it came to planning a family, we oriented ourselves back towards the "old homeland." We have great friends in the city, but family is something different; the bond is really another level. Even after 10 years, we quickly reconnected in our old home, but we also kept in touch with good friends there while we were away. I think it's wonderful that our children have frequent contact with their grandparents or our siblings due to the close proximity. We also have cousins of very similar age, and that works out great. We don’t all live in the same town now, but within a half-hour radius. In addition, support from the family is truly invaluable for a young family. We are now actually building next to the parents-in-law. There are certainly pros and cons, but here we really feel at home.

Oh man... you should think about such things beforehand, shouldn’t you!? What does your husband say about it? If my wife told me something like that after buying a plot, signing the contract, and financing, I would get cold feet myself, since you will only come out of the whole thing with financial losses.

Back to your question: I brought my wife and child from the Ruhr area to Franconia because I was at the hotel Monday to Friday due to work. That means we rented an apartment here. Afterwards, I looked for something else outside of work on site and started searching for a plot. Since the selection was limited (2 development areas with different conditions), I decided on the development area with better infrastructure and was able to convince my wife.

In short: We moved away from the family to live together as a family. My wife found a new job after parental leave. I changed jobs. Now construction is happening here where the new roots are because we simply feel comfortable here. My wife does not want to go back. The consequence is, of course, that we have no support and will not receive any, neither with the children nor with the move or construction etc.

The rest are managing. They complain occasionally that it is far away but when it was still within reach, we were not visited more often either :p

Oh, when visiting grandma requires a car ride, that also has its charm. You don't have to have the whole family constantly under your nose.

I'll put it this way: Even if the physical proximity is given (in relation to your cases), you don't necessarily have the support you hope for. Even if there is no ill will, we are basically raising our 3 children alone. Both grandparents each have about a 15-minute drive to us, but they are all still working. So they can only step in at short notice in absolute exceptional situations.

However, we live in a new development (for 1 year) where 8 families have 13 children between 1 and 14 years old, and about 30% of the families help each other in everyday life. I wouldn't have expected that and am very glad about it... So far, it works quite well.