Building on the parents-in-law's property

Hello dear forum members,

I already posted a contribution in 2017 and we are still considering what to do.

At that time, we had already thought about building on the parents-in-law’s property.
The existing barn was to be demolished and replaced with a new building.

I have already inquired at the building authority; the demolition and the new construction would be approved with conditions (distance to the existing parents’ house and to the neighboring building).

A parcelling (division of the property) would also have to be carried out.

The demolition costs would be borne by the father-in-law (I had a brief preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that had a similar case and the demolition there cost €30,000 with "Connections").

Currently, three interesting plots are still available, which would have to be developed within three years.
These are about 750m² and cost about €39,000-40,000 developed.

I am very torn because I think that one would never really have privacy there.

In addition, my parents are also against us building there because they say that in case of a separation (whether we marry beforehand or not) I would be stuck. Then my partner would have to continue paying the loan alone and buy me out. There is not much equity on either side (about €25,000-30,000 each).

What would you advise me as a neutral party?

I have some such cases in my circle of acquaintances. Summary: Don’t do it. Buy something of your own on "neutral" ground. There was always trouble in all cases. Whether separation (payout, low resale value in doubt), access, privacy, etc. it can go well, but it can also go massively wrong. If you can afford it - don’t do it.

Furthermore, my parents are also against us building there because they say that in case of a separation (whether we get married beforehand or not), I would be stuck with it. Then my partner would have to continue paying the loan alone and buy me out.

Why? What will the ownership situation be like? What will be arranged in advance for any eventuality? How is he supposed to buy you out if there is not much equity in the house and the bank is financing it?

There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000-30,000 euros each).

That rather speaks against an additional land purchase if the parents-in-law provide the land. Then your equity can be used for building the house and not just for buying the land.

What would you advise me as a neutral party?

I would never want to live that close to my parents or parents-in-law. That would be a deal breaker for me personally. Close is okay, right within calling distance is not.
But that is my personal opinion. No matter how well you get along.

Hello,

regarding the question, there are probably many who would say how great it can work, etc.
But there are so many points where you can wear yourself out, especially with the children/grandchildren that you cannot even imagine today.
It doesn’t have to, but it can.
Also separation.

In your case, if the alternative "only" costs 40k. And the plots are good, I would rather look for something of my own.
If the price per square meter is from 300€ upwards, I can understand that this question hurts significantly more.

Thank you for all the opinions so far, they are quite clear and also reflect my personal view by now.

Just for my understanding: Currently, you have two alternatives? Either building at your parents-in-law's place or buying another plot of land - of which only three remain available - independent of your parents-in-law?

I think you need to know how well you get along with your parents-in-law now and in the future. Your husband should also answer this question for his parents. Just because there are opinions here that would never - never ever - do that, it doesn’t mean that it’s not an option for you, but your question here suggests that you have doubts, so ... your call!