Problem with landlord - rent payment experiences

Hello everyone,

I am a tenant in an apartment. My landlady is also my neighbor and lives in the apartment above me. There are no other parties.

Now to my problem:
I am behind on the rent, namely the rent for April and May is still outstanding. Yes, I know, that is not good. But I am/was in a pretty bad financial tight spot.
I have done some research on the internet. According to various sites, my landlady can terminate my lease if she has previously given me a written payment deadline of at least 30 days with the threat of immediate termination.
Now, the thing is, she has been practically harassing me by phone for days. At the end of last week, she tried calling me 17 (!!!) times within 2 days. I regularly suffer from severe migraines, also on those days. People who also have migraines will surely know that in such times I am by no means able to talk on the phone or have discussions. Out of courtesy, I sent her a short SMS letting her know that I can't talk on the phone at the moment due to illness. She ignored this and still called the mentioned times. That would still be bearable, but it goes further...
I live alone. She found out my boyfriend’s address and showed up at his place on Sunday evening wanting to speak with me. He explained to her that I am not at his place. She extensively told him that I am behind on the rent and that I am seldom at home. As if that is not enough, she called my mother, who does not live in the same town as we do, and told her the same situation and asked about me there. She probably got my mother’s number and my boyfriend’s address from the phone book or the internet.
I mean, I understand that she wants the rent. But do I have to tolerate that she searches for me everywhere and practically terrorizes me by phone?

I have now been living in this apartment for more than half a year. There have been incidents where the rent arrived at her place a little late, but I have always paid!
There is also a backstory why I might be reacting a bit strongly. During the first month after moving in, I was away for several days—not on a vacation, but what was supposed to be one night at my boyfriend’s place turned into 4 nights, as those things go. She promptly started such an action, calling my mother, asking my boyfriend where I was, and even went to the bar where I hang out and asked the people there where I was. Because I had not been home for some time and she had not heard that I was ever home. I mean, what is that supposed to be?! Since this incident, I made it clear to her that I do not have a good relationship with my mother and therefore my mother is never informed about my current life. Despite knowing this, she calls her.
To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if she snoops around in my apartment when I am not there.
It happens quite often that I am not home for a few days, for whatever reasons. But I don’t have to justify myself to her, do I?!

Well, since this migraine incident and her ensuing phone harassment, I do not pick up her calls anymore as I see no reason to have endless discussions with her. If she thinks that I cannot pay the outstanding rent, she can formally instruct me in writing to pay it on legally correct grounds, i.e., give me that 30-day deadline. That is my right, isn’t it?

My boyfriend advised me to pay the outstanding rent as quickly as possible, to tell her in writing that I do not tolerate this "persecution" and especially not the spreading of the current status among my relatives and in public, i.e., among friends, and then look for another apartment.

What do you think, how should I behave?
I know, the matter of payment delay is a negative point for me. However, I am making no attempt NOT to pay but am doing everything possible to settle it as quickly as possible.

Do I have to tolerate that she literally runs after me and informs my acquaintances etc. about the current status?
She does have the possibility to request me in writing, which would actually be the proper way?

I simply feel that my privacy is violated and that I am practically harassed... Yes, she has reason to contact me about the rent. But not like this?!

I am young (21 years old), and I really feel that she, firstly, does not see me as a full adult and secondly, because of my age, has developed some kind of responsibility towards me. I have only rented an apartment and did not want an additional substitute mother...

I ask you for help, tips, suggestions. What are my rights? How should I behave?

Thank you in advance.

Best regards

Hello,

This looks like human problems – the best way to solve them is by talking about them.
Your landlady perceives you as not a very reliable tenant, but she doesn’t know anything else about you.
Try talking to her; explain the difficulties, the migraines, promise the outstanding rent by a certain date, give the landlady the assurance that the lease will be honored by you – show the landlady that you are doing everything possible to pay the rent. If only you yourself know this, it will not be enough for the landlady.
You don’t have to justify yourself, but give her the feeling that she can trust you "despite" your age.

Finally, ask the landlady to contact only you; this is the usual practice – even if a tenancy doesn’t go perfectly – others can’t do anything about it.

I don’t know if my advice will be helpful for you. Legally, there is not much you can do; let’s assume you could legally prohibit her spying around – the landlady would respond with termination. That would solve the landlady’s problem, but probably not yours.